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imblogqueen · Feb 12, 2013, 10:33 AM

I feel broken. I think of him all the time. We dated for a year and he went away to study. He hasn't come back yet. We tried long distance. We did it for a yea, well I think we were in a relationship. Anyway, he randomly told me that we're not together one night...
Why would he do that? Just a random text.

Anyway, I still love him. He doesn't text me. I don't text him. But I miss him. What should I do? Is he worth waiting for? Will he come back to me? Uhhhhh so many questions. He hasn't spoken to me about anything. I'm so clueless and broken and lost.

But I keep myself occupied. And I'm depressed but... I study and do everything else right.

Homegirl 50 · Feb 12, 2013, 10:37 AM

Move on with your life. He texts you that you are not together, that's what it means. Maybe he has found someone one else. He's not texting you and you're not texting him. That does not sound like a relationship.

backpack2389 · Feb 12, 2013, 10:41 AM

"We did it for a yea, well I think we were in a relationship" If you aren't sure whether you were in a relationship, you probably weren't. My guess is that you two grew apart. He saw it, felt the distance between you growing, and apparently you did not. When he texted to say that you two are no longer together, he did it to clarify. I'm guessing that he felt like you weren't together but just wanted to make sure you were aware. From here, you move on because I do not think he is coming back.

imblogqueen · Feb 12, 2013, 10:45 AM

We were in a perfect relationship. I fact even the long distance was so lovely, though he always threw his tantrums and sometimes abused me and said things like he couldn't be in a relationship. But he'll call me the following day and we'd talk for hours. But in slowly he stopped caring. He'd call me and I'd always be available, make myself available to talk to him. But, if I'd contact him... he wouldn't reply for days together.

And he'd never tell me why. Anyway, so I was very hurt and I decided to stop texting him. So even he didn't, until as usual he felt likebgetting in touch wit me one day.

I decided to stop this cycle.
And when he noticed I wasn't texting him, the nxt time he texted me, he told me we haven't been together for a while... I asked him what he meant, and he said.. a few days..

Anyway, he randomly messages sometimes, comments on my whatsapp picture randomly and tells me he is unwell and stuff..
I was very nice to him even then.

My problem is, I still love him. And since he hasn't made things clear, I'm not sure if thee is a point in waiting for him... I love him

backpack2389 · Feb 12, 2013, 10:50 AM

So, even if it was a relationship, it was a dysfunctional one. He was abusive and ignored you (save for the contact he made when he was feeling really low) and he made you feel so desperate that you were hanging on his every communication and putting up with the abuse. This is not a relationship, it's codependency and one that has and still is negatively affecting you.

He's not coming back and even if he does, turn him away. He needs to learn to deal with his negative emotions without depending on you and you need to learn to be independent.

Homegirl 50 · Feb 12, 2013, 10:53 AM

Well the long distant one does not sound so lovely to me and it certainly was not working for him.
That fact that he only talks to you when he wants to say hello or comment on a picture says your relationship is just a casual one. You need to move on.

imblogqueen · Feb 12, 2013, 10:55 AM

Originally Posted by backpack2389

So, even if it was a relationship, it was a dysfunctional one. He was abusive and ignored you (save for the contact he made when he was feeling really low) and he made you feel so desperate that you were hanging on his every communication and putting up with the abuse. This is not a relationship, it's codependency and one that has and still is negatively affecting you.

He's not coming back and even if he does, turn him away. He needs to learn to deal with his negative emotions without depending on you and you need to learn to be independent.

Yes, I will fully agree with you when you say we were codependent. We spoke about marriage and I've done a LOT for him. I'm in college, I'm young, but I swear to my life I've never thought of anyone else while we were together... I mean I invested a lot of energy and trust...

Do you think he's seeing someone new? Are you sure I shouldn't wait for him? What if he suddenly comes back and I've moved on?? Omg my worst nightmare. I never want to hurt him.

The fact that he hasn't spoken to me about what went down wit us and never answered any of my questions, somehow makes me feel like its undone, and he wants me to wait for him. You know?

Homegirl 50 · Feb 12, 2013, 11:00 AM

This does not sound like a man who wants you to wait. You need to come out of the fairy tale look at things as they are. He did not treat you very nice and is not contacting you now,except on his terms. Stand on your own want more and better for yourself.
Time to walk away from this.

imblogqueen · Feb 12, 2013, 11:00 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Well the long distant one does not sound so lovely to me and it certainly was not working for him.
That fact that he only talks to you when he wants to say hello or comment on a picture says your relationship is just a casual one. You need to move on.

Okay... so are you sure I can move on? I don't mean I want to get into a new relationship...

I want to know... if its over for him? I want to know if its over forever? If he is not coming back... or whatever...

As a third person... are you sure I should move on? God I never act like this. I usually always know what to do... ugh I feel so lost..
I don't even want to text and ask him all my questions again... because I know he won't reply...

JudyKayTee · Feb 12, 2013, 11:02 AM

Let me answer -

I believe what people tell me. He said you are no longer a couple. Why don't you believe him? What purpose would he have in lying to you?

Yes, move on. I don't know what avenues that will take. The usual response is to stay busy and getting into another relationship at this point could be a big mistake.

He sometimes abused you, but you aren't willing to walk away, want to "save" the relationship?

Perhaps you should talk to someone, see why you are willing to put up with abuse.

imblogqueen · Feb 12, 2013, 11:03 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

This does not sound like a man who wants you to wait. You need to come out of the fairy tale look at things as they are. He did not treat you very nice and is not contacting you now,except on his terms. Stand on your own want more and better for yourself.
Time to walk away from this.

I always thought I was a very independent person, until this.
Yes, thank you so much, I should concentrate on myself and do things for myself for a while,. I will do that...

backpack2389 · Feb 12, 2013, 11:03 AM

"I've done a LOT for him" - YOU did a lot for him.
"I invested a lot of energy and trust" - YOU invested time and energy
"I never want to hurt him" - YOU don't want to hurt him.

"he hasn't spoken to me about what went down wit us and never answered any of my questions" - But HE broke up with you via text and HE will not even bother to try to give you closure.

You haven't supplied any evidence to suggest that he has done anything to make your life better, to earn your efforts on his behalf or particularly to have earned your love. He is ignoring your questions because he does not think your peace of mind is worth the time/effort to make a response. In short, he seems like a jerk that found a girl who so wanted to love someone she would love even him. Again, if he comes back, turn him away. So what if you hurt him? He has hurt you and does NOT seem to care.

Homegirl 50 · Feb 12, 2013, 11:04 AM

You can move on if you want to. I can't tell you if it is over forever, no one can tell you that but I can tell you that it is foolish to wait around for a "maybe"
He is not answering your questions or your text, that should tell you something. It is time to walk away from this.
This relationship does not sound like a good one to wait around for.

imblogqueen · Feb 12, 2013, 11:07 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Let me answer -

I believe what people tell me. He said you are no longer a couple. Why don't you believe him? What purpose would he have in lying to you?

Yes, move on. I don't know what avenues that will take. The usual response is to stay busy and getting into another relationship at this point could be a big mistake.

He sometimes abused you, but you aren't willing to walk away, want to "save" the relationship?

Perhaps you should talk to someone, see why you are willing to put up with abuse.

Hi thank you for answering.
He did not abuse me physically or verbally... but you know he'd say things about himself... and also... by abuse, I meant he kept telling me I never understood him and would cry for no reason, I would stay up all night watching him and go to college in the morning.
I've never done anything to hurt him, I know he used to vent to me.. and inwasfine with that. I wanted to be there for him

imblogqueen · Feb 12, 2013, 11:12 AM

Originally Posted by backpack2389

"I've done a LOT for him" - YOU did a lot for him.
"I invested a lot of energy and trust" - YOU invested time and energy
"I never want to hurt him" - YOU don't want to hurt him.

"he hasn't spoken to me about what went down wit us and never answered any of my questions" - But HE broke up with you via text and HE will not even bother to try to give you closure.

You haven't supplied any evidence to suggest that he has done anything to make your life better, to earn your efforts on his behalf or particularly to have earned your love. He is ignoring your questions because he does not think your peace of mind is worth the time/effort to make a response. In short, he seems like a jerk that found a girl who so wanted to love someone she would love even him. Again, if he comes back, turn him away. So what if you hurt him? He has hurt you and does NOT seem to care.

Wow, that was an honest answer :) thank you!
Yeah, he's made me happy... you know... but my expectations of him dropped after he started acting this way... like even if he sent me a message... that would make me jump... he came back from where he went after a year for winter break, he called me out, and asked me to leave one night, at a party. I never saw the signs, I was so blinded... ugh I cannot believe I have turned into one of those...

But thank you so much... I guess I will try my best to let it go

Now I know, that I shouldn't wait for him.

Homegirl 50 · Feb 12, 2013, 11:14 AM

It sounds like you were getting more that he was giving. He was using you.
At any rate it sounded dysfunctional. It is time to move on.

imblogqueen · Feb 12, 2013, 11:15 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You can move on if you want to. I can't tell you if it is over forever, no one can tell you that but I can tell you that it is foolish to wait around for a "maybe"
He is not answering your questions or your text, that should tell you something. It is time to walk away from this.
This relationship does not sound like a good one to wait around for.

Yes makes so much sense what you said.
Suddenly reality is hitting me...
I am going to try from today... I mean I know now... that he doesn't care.. sometimes I think my friends are too afraid to tell me this...

But I know now :) I already feel lighter.

Thank you

imblogqueen · Feb 12, 2013, 11:16 AM

Thank you all :):)

Homegirl 50 · Feb 12, 2013, 11:33 AM

We all wish you well

imblogqueen · Feb 12, 2013, 11:40 AM

Is there any way I can delete this thread?