[odinn7]

So instead of learning how to relate and be comfortable with strangers you rather settle for paying for some conversation...................................... ...OOOOOOOOOOOOOkay!


HOW MUCH SO FAR?

Just give it up... he's not going to listen to us. He comes here saying things, asking for advice, and we're wasting our time giving it to him. Anything we say makes no difference as he has an answer for it all.

I'm done with this as I see it only as a waste of time now.

[garboozle]

So instead of learning how to relate and be comfortable with strangers you rather settle for paying for some conversation...................with strangers......................OOOOOOOOOOOOOkay!

The easy way out may not be the best way, but its your hard earned money. You are just one of many CUSTOMERS she may have and she isn't lonely when you aren't there. And you have NOT tried my way with her!!!!!!!! If you did, what happened?? (nevermind, I already know.................no attention from her, or conversation, you sat there ALONE, with a drink!)

Hell guy, all you can see is her, and she has to be paid for. Thats good as long as the money is there. No substitute for dinner and a show, a concert, or a coffee, or even a friendly phone call. But you have high hope to buy those things from this female. Let me know when you get her real name and number so I can ask how much it cost you.

So keep accurate records. I mean do you know what you have spent already and still don't have a name, a number, or a date?

HOW MUCH SO FAR?

Do people just randomly go up to people and start conversations? Is that acceptable? I don't have that much gumption. Besides she's not a stranger anymore.
I acknowledge the fact that if I tried your way I'd fail. I feel like as we keep seeing each other it'll slowly start to sink in that I'm relationship material and that I could be everything she needs.
When we start talking about money I do feel bad. I mean in all honest I've probably spent close to 300$ already :/ I feel like an idiot when I think about it.
I keep telling myself that if something doesn't happen the next time I'm there I'm going to stop going for a while. But then next time turns into next time turns into next time :/

[joypulv]

$300? Phew. I thought you were talking $3,000 or $10,000. Many a man has lost his house, his job, his savings paying for a woman's time, hoping for love.
She may be going to school, or she may be just saying it. It's the thing to say these days, not only to show intelligence and ambition, but also to be respectable, and even get extra tips.

[talaniman]

DUDE, get some gumption, and stay out of the booty bars. Your fear of rejection is the problem and its disgusting to pay a few bucks to not be. Learn how to take rejection in stride and try again with some one else.

You can't buy gumption, you have to grow it like we all do, by doing it. At first you fail, but you learn and try again. You are looking for love in the wrong place plain and simple, and when you stop looking for love and find a fun date companion without falling in to deep instantly, your life will be better.

Imagine your life with a little gumption. Beats spending $300 bucks to fail and start over (with another stripper no doubt!)!!

[Cat1864]

Do people just randomly go up to people and start conversations? Is that acceptable? I don't have that much gumption. Besides she's not a stranger anymore.
I acknowledge the fact that if I tried your way I'd fail. I feel like as we keep seeing each other it'll slowly start to sink in that I'm relationship material and that I could be everything she needs.
When we start talking about money I do feel bad. I mean in all honest I've probably spent close to 300$ already :/ I feel like an idiot when I think about it.
I keep telling myself that if something doesn't happen the next time I'm there I'm going to stop going for a while. But then next time turns into next time turns into next time :/

I just read this thread and I have to say you are a very gullible person. First, she is a still a stranger. It will be a long time before you get to know the real woman instead of the character she plays.

She is performing whether she is on stage or off. It is her job to be a fantasy and sometimes that means telling customers what they want to hear. She is supposed to do what it takes within the law to get you to part with your money. It is a bigger part of the job than taking her clothes off.

Customers are banks. You are becoming an ATM.

Some of what she says may be partly true. Just enough of it so that when she accepts a date and lets you get to 'know' her, you are ready to give her your wallet when she suddenly can't pay her tuition or her car needs tires or the kid you didn't know about is sick. And it will be your idea to give it to her.

Stop with the thought of 'next time'. Stop going to there. Find a better place to hang out. Find activities that expand your horizon instead of hiding.

If you lack 'gumption', then get up and learn ways to increase it. You won't find your self-confidence sitting in a bar paying women to be nice to you. It isn't you they are interested in. It is your cash.

Self-confidence is gained when you fail but keep trying. So what if you fail. We all do. It's a part of life they don't tell you about in erotica or fairy tales.

Look at how much energy you have put into obsessing over this one woman who may never give you her name or phone number. That is a lot of 'gumption' you could be using in other places to meet women who are interested in the same things you are such as building a relationship not based on your wallet.

[dontknownuthin]

This isn't complicated. No games. If you are interested in dating a young lady, you approach her, in person and in a polite, respectful way, you say to her, "I would love to spend some time with you. May I take you to dinner and a movie Saturday night?" If she says, "I have plans Saturday", you ask her, "I don't want to put you on the spot - if you're not interested it's of course ok - but is there another time you'd like to go?" Then she has the option to say, "yes, Friday would be better for me" or she can say, "well, the thing is I'm interested in dating John" or she can say, "no thank you" or she can say, "I don't think so but I'm flattered you asked". If she says anything other than "yes" or "how about X date instead?" the answer is no. You remain friendly to her and forget about it. Keep looking around and noticing other young ladies and when you meet another young lady who appeals to you, repeat the process.

When you get a "no" or an excuse, let it go. That's it. Not interested, dead end, move on.

[garboozle]

I found out she is a homosexual tonight so I guess the thought of a real relationship is over with :/... I still love her though. I don't want to be with someone else. I feel like I'd really be missing out if I ended our relationship. Who else will hug me, show me that much affection, listen to me and care for me unconditionally (almost). I feel like I don't deserve to be loved. Having her makes me so happy and I get to MAKE her happy. Ever since she's came into my life I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. I want to remain wrapped around her finger, I like that analogy. She'll always have me if she needs me. Always always always. I feel likes it's worth every penny I pay her to have a love life. To have someone to look forward to, to have someone I know I can't talk to completely openly with. I don't think I could ever find someone like that even if I tried. Perhaps I'll change my mind one day.

[dontknownuthin]

You've gone from ridiculous to absurd. She's not into you and she's not into your entire gender, but you're still willing to "pay for" the love she gives you? It's not love - it's pity at this point.

Where else will you find what you need from a woman? Most likely from a woman who is into men, and specifically into you. As long as you have this pseudo partner in this Lesbian friend-like person who doesn't have a clue how to get rid of you without devastating you, the right girl can't get within the same zip code of you - you wouldn't even notice her.

You are infatuated. Stop spending time with this woman, see other friens, family - do anything but spend time with a woman who cannot, will not, does not want to reciprocate your feelings - EVER. After a while you'll get used to being without her, and you'll be open to other people, and one of those people will eventually be the right thing.

Dating isn't so hard unless we either stick with someone who's bad for us (which you are doing - not that she's bad as a person but the relationship is bad for you) or we refuse to take very clear "no" responses from other people. You are wallowing in your suffering - on purpose. Not very smart.

[joypulv]

Why are we wasting our time on this? Keep buying love, and keep living this pathetic existence. Masochism like this is an illness, but you aren't remotely interested in getting out of it.

[Alty]

I found out she is a homosexual tonight so I guess the thought of a real relationship is over with :/...I still love her though. I don't wanna be with someone else. I feel like I'd really be missing out if I ended our relationship. Who else will hug me, show me that much affection, listen to me and care for me unconditionally (almost). I feel like I don't deserve to be loved. Having her makes me so happy and I get to MAKE her happy. Ever since she's came into my life I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. I want to remain wrapped around her finger, I like that analogy. She'll always have me if she needs me. Always always always. I feel likes it's worth every penny I pay her to have a love life. To have someone to look forward to, to have someone I know I can't talk to completely openly with. I don't think I could ever find someone like that even if I tried. Perhaps I'll change my mind one day.

This is the most pathetic thing I've ever heard anyone say.

From minute one she made it clear that she wasn't interested in you, but would you let it go? No, you continued to try to get her. You were told time and time again on this site to give it up, but you wouldn't.

Now you find out she's homosexual, and you still won't let her go?

You really need therapy.

[odinn7]

I no longer believe this is real... not at all. I think we are being played.

All we've said has been met with crazy reasoning and answers. He spent all kinds of money "buying" her love but it only turns out to be $300 over weeks. He's willing to be with her even if she doesn't care about him. All the excuses... Now she's a lesbian but that's not enough to turn him away. No! He will still love her! No Matter what!

But what really did it for me... what really makes me say he's playing us. After all we have said, that he supposedly understands, he says this:

Who else will hug me, show me that much affection, listen to me and care for me unconditionally (almost).

Unconditionally... LOL... unconditional doesn't include having to pay for the attention. Nowhere else has he said anything about her caring for him.

Having her makes me so happy and I get to MAKE her happy.

What is that supposed to mean? How does he make her happy? He PAYS her. Nowhere else has he even hinted that he makes her happy. Now, he somehow does.

I want to remain wrapped around her finger, I like that analogy. She'll always have me if she needs me. Always always always.I feel likes it's worth every penny I pay her to have a love life.

Now he's saying this is a "love life"... how? How is it a love life? They've never been out. Never seen each other outside of this place. She's a lesbian. He pays her for attention. This is a love life.

This is why I think we are being had. None of this makes any sense at all. Even if he was so wrapped up in her, I still can't see how he could reason these things out like this. It all seems like it is going over the top now to try and get more responses. I no longer believe it and I am done answering these questions of his.

[Alty]

Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to odinn7 again.

I'm not sure that we're being had. I think we simply have a very naïve, very needy OP that really doesn't get it. That's why I suggest counseling.

Basically, he's paying her for affection. That makes her a hooker, and him a John. But hey, he's willing to pay for the illusion of love. That doesn't make it love. In fact, considering his thought process on this thread, I really think the girl in question, should be very afraid. He's just one step away from doing something he will regret for the rest of his life. But, if he does go that far at least he'll be getting affection. Plenty of guys in prison will be lining up to do more than just hug him.

I think it's time to close this thread. The OP never came here for advice. He came here for validation, and he's not going to get it from us.

[odinn7]

I really think the girl in question, should be very afraid. He's just one step away from doing something he will regret for the rest of his life.

I had made a comment to this effect on post #12.

Anyway, I still don't believe it.

[Alty]

I had made a comment to this effect on post #12.

Anyway, I still don't believe it.

Sorry, I lost interest around post 10, because of his other thread on this topic. I didn't see that you'd already mentioned that this girl should be very afraid of him.

I'm not 100% sure that he's really this screwed up, but hey, it does happen. There are people like this in the world, that's why there are stalking laws. I'd rather err on the side of caution. Sadly, I think the person that really should be posting is the girl this guy is obsessed with. She's the one that really needs help.

[garboozle]

I assure you, what I am feeling is very very real.
1.If you think about it she does love me unconditionally, I mean other than giving her money there isn't really a condition. She doesn't care that I get picked on or that I'm not super good looking or that I've never been in a relationship before and I can talk to her about nearly anything and she at least pretends to care for me.
2. By giving her money I do make her happy! Also throughout our conversations I can get her to laugh a handful of times. She told me I'm her favorite customer, and I'm probably the best looking and most respectful.
3. It's the closest thing I have or have ever had to a love life. I look forward to spending time with her on my days off and sort of view them as dates.
As for me being "dangerous" that's just kind of absurd. If she ever expressed to me that she no longer wanted my patronage I wouldn't even GO to the club anymore. And by "affection" I do not mean sex, she's not a hooker. I'm not a John. I'm fine with ending this thread as I no longer need advice on this matter. I do acknowledge how I am feeling/acting isn't normal and have considered counseling but I'm not sure it's that big a probably to go through all that trouble for.

[garboozle]

Robert Palmer jokes aside can a person be addicted to love/need therapy for it? Say for instance someone who is in love with a person who (might not) doesn't love them back and only wants money out of them. I'm in a relationship sort of like that and at times I hate it, yet feel powerless to even attempt to end it, almost as if I derive my entire self-worth from the person I am seeing. Do they make therapy for that/is therapy expensive?

[Wondergirl]

Yes, there is therapy for that, and most therapists have a sliding scale based on your income.

[Alty]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...er-738983.html

Same girl that you were talking about in the above thread? The one that is a lesbian and doesn't want to date you at all?

Yes, there is therapy for this sort of thing, and you are in desperate need of it.

Good luck.

[garboozle]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...er-738983.html

Same girl that you were talking about in the above thread? The one that is a lesbian and doesn't want to date you at all?

Yes, there is therapy for this sort of thing, and you are in desperate need of it.

Good luck.

Actually she may not be a lesbian, it's just someone referred to one of her friends as a "girlfriend" so maybe she is maybe she isn't.

Therapy seems pretty heavy. Is the way I'm acting/thinking really that abnormal, doesn't everyone experience these feeling?

I'll soon have my own insurance so I'll be able to keep it a secret from my parents and it is becoming quite a temptation to see one, it's weird one minute I'm totally happy with my situation the next I'm crying or resentfully dwelling on it. Like tonight, I spent two hours waiting around just to talk to her.

[J_9]

Arnold Palmer? He was a golfer.