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careful · Mar 15, 2007, 05:27 AM

I was with a guy for almost two years and we were in love within two months. To me our relationship was great but he had a bunch of insicurities. As a result of this it causued us to have a hard horrible break up. He said and did things that I would have never thought he would have done to me. It has been almost 7 months now and I have met this guy who is really sweet. He has been there for me through all of the things I've gone through for the past year and a half. He is so in love with me, but I can't seem to feel the same about him. It's so hard because I want to fall in love with him so bad but I can't what do I do?

Krs · Mar 15, 2007, 06:31 AM

Firstly u can't force yourself to fall in love, its as simple as that!

Maybe u just need more time to slowly start to love him, after all if you have been through such a hard break-up, give yourself some credit and come to terms with it and realise that things do take time.

talaniman · Mar 15, 2007, 07:34 AM

It seems you may not be ready for a relationship at that level right now. Don't force it just be honest and give yourself more time. You also may confuse gratitude for this person being there for you with love and that is something you will have to come to terms with. The worse thing you can do is jump into something you are not ready for and not give yourself a chance to heal. You cannot rush the process so take your time.

rol · Mar 15, 2007, 08:01 AM

<The worse thing you can do is jump into something you are not ready for and not give yourself a chance to heal.>>

Yeah it takes time, I'm 10 months on now and just feel about ready to perhaps dating again. Ill probably wait until a year though.
At 7 months I would not have been at all ready. I met some lovely guys around that time but anytime one would even touch my shoulder or my hair I would do a big pullaway and I explained what had happened and that I was not ready for anything.

Give yourself more time, and see how you feel.

Stunning07 · Mar 19, 2007, 08:46 PM

Don't go searching. Just let it come to you

robertsqueen · Mar 19, 2007, 08:49 PM

When it is right you will know it. Love will find you... you won't find it.

Barrabas · Mar 19, 2007, 10:02 PM

Are you looking for love or the feeling of being in love? These are 2 different things careful - one is a decision while the other is something we usually find ourselves into.

There will come a time when familiarity will come and seep in, and when that time comes, the enchantment of being “in” love may fade, and if we have not surpassed towards true and bare love by that time, everything will become unbearable and regret might break you apart. When the feeling of being in love wanes, love must remain. That is why we must seize that which we prize quite greatly with each other and “unromanticize” it, leaving it grounded in reality and accepting it as it is without the “sweetness” of being in love. Here's a letter I wrote for my wife 8 years before we actually met.

"Here, alone, I cannot help but think of you. All I could ever think of are your smiles, your eyes, your laughter, your voice, the way you carry yourself so gently yet so strongly, the way you think and talk to me so silently yet so loudly, the way you look at me, filled with something I do not clearly understand yet very much addicting, I wish I could hold you at this very moment – that is all I ever want to do and to think of. It is during this time that I understand and realize how time gains meaning only through being with you, where it becomes so fast and so slow at the same time. Not a single moment passes by that I do not think of you; you constantly draw me to your presence – here, time and space cease, distance becomes powerless, I know we are always together. I have loved you with a love far greater than myself, the kind of love I want to share to you, the kind of love that constantly feels and accepts - a love that is i am. "

phoenix1664 · Mar 20, 2007, 04:36 AM

Don't force yourself it will happen you just haft to be patient love can take time its not like switching on a light I am sure you will just give it time.

amylc · Nov 28, 2007, 08:49 PM

Originally Posted by careful

i was with a guy for almost two years and we were in love within two months. To me our relationship was great but he had a bunch of insicurities. As a result of this it causued us to have a hard horrible break up. He said and did things that I would of never thought he would have done to me. It has been almost 7 months now and I have met this guy who is really sweet. He has been there for me through all of the things I've gone through for the past year and a half. He is so in love with me, but I can't seem to feel the same about him. It's so hard because I want to fall in love with him so bad but I can't what do I do?

Ask yourself what did I do in my last relationship to put myself in a position to be hurt? Did I not spend the time to really get to know him before I was willing to commit to him? Did I hop in bed with him too soon; thus, feeling a psudo commitment? Why was I so stupid? Do some work on yourself. Don't torture some sweet guy with a I need to save the damsel complex. That is mean and stupid, because he is confusing love with need. Eventually you will be dumped again, but this time with a guy that you never really cared for.