[lovestoomuch]

My girlfriend, the love of my life just told me she wasn’t in love with me anymore and doesn’t know if we have a future. We have been together for 1.5 years and living together for a year. I’m devoted 100percent to this girl and I’m heart broken. Things aren’t perfect with us anymore. We fight more than usual. She doesn’t confide in me. We don’t cuddle in bed as we sleep anymore. I thought these were just rough patches and our love for each other would prevail. I don’t want to give up. I am in a lot of pain. I’m extremely emotional and I think I love too much.

I ask her if she wants to break up and she says "I don’t know." I ask if I should move out she says do what you want to do. She is beautiful and more important respectful to me. I’m far from a perfect boyfriend but I treat her good. I thinks she’s confused/depressed and I can’t get a concrete answer from her. Mostly "I don’t know." I’m lost, confused heart broken and in too much pain. I don’t know if I should be "the stronger person" and move out to confront the inevitable if so. I think she’s scared to move out maybe I really don’t know. I ask her why she stays with me and she says "I don’t know maybe we can be happy again I don’t know." Again with the I don’t know.

She’s obviously not happy. Or can I make her fall in love with me again. I try so hard to make her happy. She doesn’t do much anymore to see me smile. I want her to be happy. I want to be happy. I’m just so confused on what I should do. I love her with all my heart. Please anybody have any words of wisdom? I’m obsessing over this way too much.

What does this mean? I'm confused and I am in a lot of pain any suggestions would really help.

Thanks.

[teacherjenn4]

Is she seeing someone else?

[talaniman]

Are you smothering her with your devotion?

[lovestoomuch]

Are you smothering her with your devotion?

She says give me a little space, and what I hear is smother me. It is bad huh?

Is she seeing someone else?

No. She is faithful I believe. She has never given me a reason to think otherwise. I trust her.

[talaniman]

Yeah but you can always back off and stop the insecure needy behavior. Can't you?

[teacherjenn4]

How old are both of you?

[lovestoomuch]

How old are both of you?

Im 27. She's 24.

[teacherjenn4]

Im 27. Shes 24.

I'd ask her if she'd like to go to counseling with you. If not, I'd move out until she figures out what she wants. I wouldn't sit around waiting for her.

[lovestoomuch]

Yeah but you can always back off and stop the insecure needy behavior. Can't you?

Yes. In a previous relationship my ex was acting the same way as I am. Like you put "insecure needy behavior." It drove me away. Now the roles have switched for me . I just don't know if I stay or I go. She says she's not I. Love with me anymore but doesn't want to break up. What does that mean?

[lovestoomuch]

I'd ask her if she'd like to go to counseling with you. If not, I'd move out until she figures out what she wants. I wouldn't sit around waiting for her.

I support couples counseling but unfortunately she doesn't. Intellectually my mind says moving out, allowing space seems like the right thing to do but my heart says stay and fight for her. I made her fall in love once I can do it again I really don't know...

Yeah but you can always back off and stop the insecure needy behavior. Can't you?

I don't understand how to act around her anymore. I want to back off but what does that mean? Stop hugging her and kissing her? Talk to her less? Don't do little things for her? She just told me last night she's not in love. I honestly don't know how to actnon a minute to minute basis.

[Anchikii]

Well,I'm new here,and my english is bad,but I can try..
About the "falling in love again" thing,I think you should try that.Maybe you two could go to the place you first met her,where you had your first date/kiss, however.Something to remind her about your first moments.Than you can sure buy her something that she likes,it doesn't have to be big and expensive things.That would ssure make her happy and she would know that you care about her.Maybe she's missing the "pashion" that you two had.Try out something new,make her go crazy about you again! You don't have to be a "gentle good man" always,u can be sometimes like,"BAD" I guess :D I mean you have to show your man side,your handsomness :D Make the fire between you again! :) Im wishing you luck! :) sorry if I couldn't help :(

[lovestoomuch]

Well,im new here,and my english is bad,but i can try..
About the "falling in love again" thing,i think u should try that.Maybe you two could go to the place u first met her,where u had your first date/kiss, however.Something to remind her about your first moments.Than u can sure buy her something that she likes,it doesn't have to be big and expensive things.That would ssure make her happy and she would know that u care about her.Maybe she's missing the "pashion" that u two had.Try out something new,make her go crazy about u again! U don't have to be a "gentle good man" always,u can be sometimes like,"BAD" i guess :D I mean u have to show ur man side,your handsomness :D Make the fire between u again! :) Im wishing u luck! :) sry if i couldnt help :(

Thank you for your response. It means a lot to me. Unfortunately I've tried some of the things you've mentioned and they haven't really worked. I buy her little gifts countless amount of flowers take her out nice restaurants even though I don't have any money. It's funny ever since I've been treating her like a princess she's been pushing me further away. You make a good point with being a man. A bad boy.. This is what she likes and I've become too soft. I don't think I'm going to give up thank you for giving me hope. I just wish things were black and white and not gray. If she's not in love with me and wants to break up that I could move on with my life what all she says is that she doesn't know doesn't want to break up what does she's not in love with me. I'm sad hurt and confused thank you for taking time out of your day to help

[Homegirl 50]

I think you need to move out. Sounds like she does not know how to tell you she wants that.
You do the grown up thing. Step back, move out or tell her she should leave and you two should take a break until she knows what she wants, then go no contact.

[lovestoomuch]

I think you need to move out. Sounds like she does not know how to tell you she wants that.
You do the grown up thing. Step back, move out or tell her she should leave and you two should take a break until she knows what she wants, then go no contact.

She just told me she has never been in love with me. I guess I just assumed she was at some point. She said falling in love takes time for her. If after a year and 3 months of living and being together she's not in love with me is that a sign for something or is that normal I'm 27 I'm looking to settle down and have a family I love this girl from the bottom of my heart which makes this decision very hard. I can't force her to be in love with me what do you think she should be by now and Kon this relationship be healthy? Thank you for helping me through this difficult time

[Homegirl 50]

This girl does not love you. I don't know why she moved in with you. Maybe she just needed a place to stay. At any rate, it is time for her to go. She does not love you, probably won't. That was wrong and selfish of her, but at least now she is being honest.
Leave her alone.

[lisho1]

Mmmm firstly what signs does she display for you to know that she doesn't love you anymore?have you tried asking her why things are the way they are?Communication is the best thing to do.sit her down and talk at length.Express your feelings about everything,let her know what all this is doing to you.dont hide your pain just because you are a man .

[Alty]

Has she told you that she doesn't love you anymore? If so, the only reason I can see for her not wanting to break up, is that it would be too much work, since you two live together. Either that or she's content just being with you, even if she doesn't love you.

The choice really is yours. Are you okay staying with someone that has told you she's no longer in love with you?

[talaniman]

If after a year and 3 months of living and being together she's not in love with me is that a sign for something or is that normal

It's a sign for plan B, because this isn't working for you. Time for someone, her, or you to go. Whose place is it? The other has to leave.

[Stargard]

If she's told you that she's not in love with you, then that surely must be the end?

You couldn't stay with someone who isn't reciprocating your love surely?

You can't make someone fall in love with you I'm afraid.

Leave with your dignity and pride intact.

[lovestoomuch]

All threads merged


My girlfriend is peruvian, moved here when she was 18. From my understanding peruvians love to party drink and dance. She goes out with her group of friends to clubs and private parties about 2 times a month. I didn't have a problem with this for the first year of dating. To be honest, I was naïve and thought she was just dancing with her girlfriends and by herself. I asked her after that first year if she goes to dance with other guys. She said "of course i do. Its not like im looking for the hottest guy to dance with but rather the best dancers." Okay. This sucks. But I'm not going to have my love, someone I care deeply about held down into social slavery. If she wants to go out and needs validation from other guys I get it. She has always been honest with me. She has never given me a reason not to trust her.

Okay with that, here's my problem. I have never asked her to take me with her for the first almost year and a half. I told her I want to go out with her one Friday night. She said no. She said 1. You don't know how to dance and it would be awkward for you to be there. And 2. She said she wants to keep our friends separate. I have my friends and she has her friends. I know her best girlfriend but that's it and she has a lot of friends. What! She won't take me out just once? Show me off to her friends? This is my problem.

Am I overreacting and its healthy for her to have a separate life away from me which involves drinking and dancing with other guys? She finds coming home at 5 am after partying is acceptable. I don't think she's lying to where she has been nor do I think she is cheating. Just dancing. Maybe it's a cultural differnce. I see dancing salsa as sensual. She doesn't and from the bottom of her heart doesn't think she is doing anything wrong.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to be the jelious but I don't want her to cross boundaries. Am I crazy? Thanks flr any suggestions/thoughts.
-sry for rambling

I know I need to give my girlfriend space. Space to miss me. We live together and are together a lot. I love it. She is gettng annoyed and frustrated with me. I need to reobtain my social life outside her that I have lost but I just honestly don't want to. Giving her space is the hardest thing for me. Id rather cut off my finger the give space. I don't know. Are there any tips because if I continue to smother she will eventually leave. Thanks