[phxjkoz]

I'm 26, my girlfriend is almost 28. We're both working professionals, with good jobs. I feel like we're seemingly normal adults. Which is why I just don't understand this.

I have been single for about 2 years. I have gone out with about 10 different girls in that time, not really looking for a relationship, happily single, but not sleeping with any of them. None of them really interested me. I immediately knew I wanted something with her after meeting her.

She broke up with her last long term boyfriend 2.5 years ago, and has been single since, dating a lot. She says she has not slept with anyone in that time though. She has recently taken a liking to church, but she's not hardcore about it or anything. She told me up front that she doesn't have a big sex drive. From the first time we met, she's has told me she wanted to be with me. We became an "official" couple about 2 weeks ago.

We agreed to wait a little bit to have sex after we first met (my idea, I'm not one to just sleep with someone when I first meet them). She has had many partners, probably close to 30. It's obvious she's not proud of that, and after her last boyfriend she made a strong pact to wait until she's more serious about someone to have sex.

Last weekend we had sex for the first time, after waiting a month (not that long, but we were both ready, and very into each other). We had done many things before that. Basically everything except intercourse. We were doing these things on a regular basis, and she was VERY into it. Since we had sex, we have hung out every night, and she has shown no desire to do anything at all. The closest we've gotten is her telling me one night during dinner that "she didn't want to have sex tonight". The opportunities have been there, but absolutely nothing.

I brought it up last night, and we discussed it for quite a while, and then quite a bit more today. For me it's simple. I don't want or need it every day or anything, but I feel like once you make that step to have sex with someone in a relationship, you generally HAVE sex. When you're attracted to someone, especially in a new relationship, you want to be physical with that person, and vise versa. It had been a while for both of us since we had had sex last, so it wasn't the greatest of course, and we weren't really in sync, but I believe that comes with time.

She said that she didn't want to be objectified, that I shouldn't feel entitled to it or expect it. The worst of it though, was she said she doesn't care about sex at all. She enjoys being romantic, but the physical act of sex doesn't matter. That she had gone 2.5 years without it, and was perfectly fine. All of this after we've had sex, whereas before we had sex she kept telling me how she can't wait, how it's been so hard to restrain herself. She told me that she puts up a wall after sex, because of numerous bad experiences.

To me, all it seems like is that she's not attracted to me. That I was unable to please her (which I know isn't the case, she climaxes every time we would do things, I know this because of the way she climaxes, it's very obvious. Let's just say we have to change sheets everytime).

This is the first girl that I've really been into in a long time, after dating many, and she says that she's really into me, and is actually looking to make this a serious relationship. But, I can't get past this. I can't get past a girl telling me that sex doesn't matter at all. That's not healthy (even she was crying and saying she's kind of crazy when it comes to sex, and that it's a really important subject to her). Now all I keep thinking is that the next time we DO have sex, she's only going to be doing it because I want it, and that she doesn't really care.

I don't know what to do about it.

[Lovetohelpyou]

I think she's just being safe or just doesn't want to do it! You should respect what she wants to do. Maybe she's waiting to have sex when she's married or older... I'm not exactly sure but take it easy and go with what she wants to do and what you both want to do. Good luck!

[mmresd]

Some females have a low sex drive. But only she knows the real reason as to why she is not letting you have sex with her more often, have you talked to her about it? I have actually been in a similar situation, but we didn't have good communication, she never told me how to make things better, and although the sex was always amazing, it seems like sex wasn't an important thing to her and the more I asked for it, the more casual it became. I ended things with this girl because I wasn't satisfied of the intensity of the sex after living with her for almost a year.

[livelaughlove32]

Don't make her do anything when the time is right the time is right