[KFkimberly002]

My boyfriend of four months, great friends of 8 years, had asked me a question a couple days ago. He was curious about something I did with him, and was wondering if I had ever done anything similar with my Ex. My boyfriend and I are very comfortable with each other, and have talked about/discussed a lot of things together, he had told me about something much worse that had happen in his past, only because it was something serious and I had found out about it from someone else. Back to my question; He is very clear that he shouldn't have even asked me the question because it is my business, but I wasn't going to lie to him about what I had done. Of course my first instinct was to tell him the truth and not keep anything to myself for obvious reasons, so I did. He didn't take it very well and the next few days seeing each other we keep having these strange arguments. We never fight and the fights got to the point where we both are sitting by each other crying.. He feels very sick about what I had done with my Ex and it hurts him. A lot of things keep reminding him about it, and puts the images right back in his head.. I try everything to cheer him up, do my best to talk about topics unrelated to the situation, and tell him how much he means to me and how nothing in my past matters anymore. He knows this but keeps putting himself down and telling me he just needs to stop being such a baby about it because I didn't react this horribly when I found out about his past situation with his Ex. He tells me he just hates the thought of his significant other with another person. I completely understand that. I know these things take time to overcome but I just wanted to know that if anyone can give me some tips on how I should be handling this or possibly things I can do to help solve this situation...
Thank you

[Amyyforthestars]

It's your past. You can't change it and he can't hold it against you. Tell him to get over it or it's over.

If you choose to stay with him though just be careful he will probably be really controlling. Good luck.

[C0bra_M3nace]

I was in the same situation, but on your boyfriends end. I was a virgin when I met my girlfriend in high school, whom I'm still with today, however she was not so innocent. It really hurts, and it's an insecurity and jealous kind of hurt.

To help you get through this situation, you need to first understand how he feels. These facts may not be of any truth, but it is how he feels.

When he thinks about it he will become...

-Anxious; because all he's going to think about is you, the girl he loves, doing the things with another man. (The closest feelings I could describe it as feeling is just being cheated on.)

And,

-Upset; he's probably one of those insecure jelous types that wants to be the only one that experiences these personal things with you. So basically he feels betrayed and cut short, like he was too late.


Now that you understand what's going through his mind, you now need to learn how to..

-Avoid as many past experience and ex conversations as possible. Even if it means telling him to stop asking you questions about it.

And

-Help him understand that it's the past, and you nor him can change that.

Jealous and insecure guys are everywhere. They are forged by many thingssuch as, lack of experience, bullying, teasing or whatever it is that molds their brains to feel as if they aren't good enough. I'll tell you now, it's a hard thing to overcome, it took me a long time to get over my girlfriends past and it's still a struggle to this day to keep my emotions bottled up. My love for her is too strong for me to allow myself to be bothered by something I cannot change though, because I look at the glass half full instead of half empty. I look at it this way, I have her now, she is mine, I may not have been her first but I strive to be her last.

If you can't help him to see the situation as this, you are in for a long road ahead filled with misery and regret. Regret, not only for being with him, but for the things you've done.

[monsieurjj]

What was your situation with your ex?