[onabreak]

Its been almost a week since my boyfriend said he wanted a break, and I sent the No contact email to my boyfriend about "agreeing with the break-up/break thing". The problem is he keeps on contacting me everyday, sending me emails and phoning me a few times a day. Ive ignored all of his calls,and emails and now he started contacting my mum to get in touch with me.

We went out for 2 and a half years, we've lived together before for a year and a half, had some time were we were long distance, I was in Barcelona and he was in Berlin, now he's in Munich till the end of Sept doing his internship and then he has one more year to go in university of Liverpool until he graduates. Things had been rough on our relationship these past few months, I was in Munich living with him, and I couldn't get a job, and since I don't speak German, I wasn't really doing anything except my fashion photography. I was a bit sad and depressed since I hadn't seen my family in Panama for a year and a half(I'm from Panama, but half Swedish). I didn't have much money and he paid for most of the food and expenses for us. Since I wasn't really doing anything productive in Munich(I wasn't legally able to work there either) and things weren't going great in our relationship(We had a lot of trust issues since I cheated on him with my ex-boyfriend(only kissed him) a year and a half ago and then he cheated on me in January 2011 with this German girl but he didn't tell me till end of February 2011 , I decided it was a good time to go see my family in Panama this past June 2011 and come back this upcoming Sept to Munich and then we would stay there for another 2 weeks and then move to Liverpool together since has one more year until he finishes his degree. We had been keeping in contact fairly well through Skype and emails, but the 7 hour time difference had been really hard. We had a lot of fights about trust and jealousy since he always said he wasn't going to lie to me anymore, but then I went on to his Facebook profile and found out a lot of things he didn't tell me, like when I asked him who he went out with partying, he wouldn't mention any girls and just plain lie to me. So last Sunday, after a fight about this co-worker of his named Doro, (because she constantly flirts with him at work even though she has a boyfriend and I've seen the ways she looks at my boyfriend Sam, I really don't like her and don't trust her, but he always says she's harmless and defends her), he decided to tell me he wanted "Space" or a "Break". I asked him for how long, and was crying like crazy while asking him but he just always answered back saying "I dont know".

I also asked him if it meant we could see other people, or he was allowed to see other people and he just said "If you want to u can see other guys", but we never actually came to a proper agreement about that. He also said he felt like I was smothering him, etcc. Were both 21, but I really don't want to loose him. So things ended badly during that conversation, then two hours later he called me and I said "Hey, What do you want?", and he replied "Never mind forget it", and I said "Why did you call me then?", which he replied "I just wanted to tell you I love you,but be that way then". I cried like crazy after that. I felt like I was worth absolutely nothing. The next day(Monday) he emailed this to me.


Dear Nicole,

I tried phoning you but without any success. I am feeling a bit rough
today and if I get any worse, I may have to go home. I did not sleep
well after you phoned and I woke up twice after having nightmares.



I am sorry that I made you cried on the phone yesterday, however you
need to see this as was it is. You are prone to jumping to conclusions
and drawing false ideas. We are not having problems because we do not
love each other. I cannot stop saying 'I love
you' to you as it is true. I do love you with all my heart. There isn't
anyone who comes close to you and I don't want anyone else. I am not
pursuing some kind of childish, single life. I purely want to do what is
best for you and me. I cannot continue with
these problems of jealousy and poor communication. On top of that, I
cannot live with the guilt of knowing that you are purely following me
around. You threaten so often that you are just going to do what's best
for you and it's time you did that. There is
also no point saying that things would be different if you had not gone
back to Panama because the fact is there that you did go back to
Panama. Listen to what I am saying here, it is the truth and open your
mind to the fact that you may be wrong. Don't just
do what you always do, which is to just reject what I am saying as
lies. That is one of our problems that I can no longer abide. You want
me to be honest but if I am, so often you don't believe me and accuse me
of lying.



I miss you, I think about you all the time and I love you. I hope so much that we can talk later.



Your Eric,



x



P.S- Love will tear us apart.




By then, I decided to stop answering his calls and emails and completely cut him off for two days after that. Then I sent him this email on Tuesday:


Hi Eric,



I agree with you about the decision to
take a break/break-up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have
some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I
would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I
will be in touch when I am ready.





He then tried calling me everyday at least 4 times a day and then sent me an email the on Wednesday saying this:


Dear Nicole,



I understand what you are saying and I am sorry it has come to this. I
will not write too much but what I will say is that this is not because
we don't love each other and the thought of never seeing you again
breaks my heart further.

I have done nothing the past few days after work, mostly lie in bed feeling like ****.



Take care,


Eric



x


I kept to the no contact rule and did not reply to him or answer his calls. He then sent me this on Thursday.Also kept on calling me from work every morning at least twice like he always did, but obviously I've been trying to be strong and I haven't picked up any of his calls.


Dear Nicole,



I understand you are hurt and remember that I am too. I don't really
know who is advising you over these matters or whether this is all you,
however I feel like you are attempting to play silly, childish games
with me. You are trying to act cool by ignoring
me and it is a waste of time, as you know that is only hurting you and
me. The best and most mature way of dealling with this is to keep
contact with each other and by not doing anything rash or stupid, that
we would later regret. Do you ever consider that
perhaps I am trying to phone you about something important?



To let you know, I have spent the last few evenings lying on my bed,
watching ashes to ashes, feeling ****ing awful. I haven't been sleeping
well at all and I am ill because of it. This weekend I am having to cook
british food for my team, which I am not
looking forward to because of the high expectations and I don't really
feel up to it at the moment.



I love you,



Eric


On Friday he sent me another email, and tried phoning me twice, at 2 am here which is 9 am there when he's just arrived at work.




Dear Nicole,

please get in touch with me- if only just to let me know that you are
safe. I have not heard from you for days now and I am worried that
there is a more sinister reason behind that. Please get in touch with
me. This is very unkind to me.



Te amo,



your Eric



x


He also sent me another email saying what is down below and tried phoning me 3 times at different times on Friday. I didn't answer or reply any of it. Been keeping to the no contact rule.




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7qTYObjr_s&feature=fvst



Please listen to the whole of this song, it is really beautiful. The
words have nothing to do with us at all but something about the rhythm
and the melody makes me think of you. It reminds me of the chilled out
times we spend together... sitting on trains
to far corners of the world, buses over mountains, flights over
oceans...



Nicole, I am going to be absolutely honest with you. I am an absolute wreck without you.



I love you,



your Eric



x





Saturday morning he sent me this: He also still phoned me 3 times at different times but I didn't answer.

Dear Eric,

we had the british meal last night and it went really well. I made leak
and potato soup for the starter and everyone loved it. Gayle was so
impressed that she wanted the recipe. We then had a steak and kidney pie
which was really nice. I ate meat as it was
a special occasion. For pudding, we had apple crumble. Everyone was
really impressed.


After the meal, me, salty and Ashley went and met Danny at a club. It
was nice, although Salta is weird and left early. Stayed out for a bit,
then went back to ashley's house and talked on the balcony.



I am going for a bike ride today and that's it. I am going to UK next
week and I need to hear from you before I go, as I need to sort your
stuff out. If you are coming back to Europe, then I can leave the
important stuff here for you. I would really appreciate
it if you got in touch with me. I am trying to continue to be
supportive and not be a bastard. I trust you are able to reciprocate.

love,

Eric

x

Today he tried phoning me a few times and left me a message on Facebook saying this last night:


Dear Nicole,

I can't bear this anymore. I need to talk to you. You are hurting me so much.

I am glad you had a nice time at Taboga, the photos look great but who were those guys you were with?

I
wrote to your mother yesterday to try and get you to get in touch with
me. You are doing more harm than good by ignoring me. You are pushing me
further and further away. I find myself questioning exactly why I am
endevouring to be so nice, as I do not have to be so. How can you treat
me like this after 2 and a half years together?

Call me or at least email me, I leave in a couple of days to England.

te amo

Your Eric

xxxx

To which I replied this morning with:

Its great to hear from you. Here's the thing though. Im just
not ready to be talking to you again just yet. We agreed to have some
space from each other. Maybe call me in a few weeks and maybe we could
speak on Skype?

To which he replied this:

Dear Nicole,

I appreciate your viewpoint however there is the small matter of
your stuff to sort out. I leave Tuesday evening to UK. What would you
like to do with it? I feel it would be best for us to talk about this.
I
understand we need some space and that's fine to give that, however we
never did define the terms of this. That was something you were very
keen on doing. I would very much like to know where you stand on it.

Shutting
yourself away from me isn't helping. I have a few things to discuss
with you. I also think I may have broken my foot again.

Please get back to me.

Te amo,

your Eric

x

Then I replied this to him:


Its great to hear from you. Here's the thing though. Im just not ready to be talking to you again just yet. We agreed to have some space from each other. Maybe call me in a few weeks and maybe we could speak on Skype?

To which he replied:

Dear Nicole,

I appreciate your viewpoint however there is the small matter of your stuff to sort out. I leave Tuesday evening to UK. What would you like to do with it? I feel it would be best for us to talk about this.
I understand we need some space and that's fine to give that, however we never did define the terms of this. That was something you were very keen on doing. I would very much like to know where you stand on it.

Shutting yourself away from me isn't helping. I have a few things to discuss with you. I also think I may have broken my foot again.

Please get back to me.

Te amo,

your Eric

x

I didn't reply to this so he sent me two other Facebook messages and tried phoning me after that.

Dear Nicole,

this is really important now that you get in touch with me. I am not messing around, you have to contact me. The way you are acting is fine but I urgently need to talk to you soon.

Please phone me and I will come online asap, I need you to do this. If you have any love or respect or ever had any love or respect for me, please please do this for me.

I love you,

Eric

x

I replied to him:

Its so great to hear from you. Im sorry to hear you're having a tough time, and your knee is hurt, have you thought going to the doctor once you get to the UK? By the way, You can leave my stuff in Munich. Here's the thing though,as I said before Im just not ready for this just yet. I want to be there for you right now but we agreed to have some space from each other. I need some time to myself. Maybe call me in two or three weeks to arrange a Skype phone call.It was lovely hearing from you.

To which he replied:

Nicole,

you need to give me clearer answers than what you are giving. I have asked you clear questions, which you have failed to answer. My foot is hurt, not my knee and stop giving me these bull**** lines of 'it's so great to hear from you'. Clearly it isn't as you would answer your sodding phone.

I will leave you stuff here in munich and we can work out what to do with it later, no problem.

We need to clarify some things- are we broken up or on a break? Are we remaining mutually exclusive to each other? I have been completely and as I know I have no control over your behaviour, I would to know whether you are too or not. Please do me the courtesy of answering these questions and as a result it will be easier for me to give you your space.

Love,

Eric

x


I don't know what to reply to this. Were still on a relationship on Facebook, and I don't want to break up with him, so I don't know if I should say, yeah see other people, or something even though I don't actually want him to see other people. He leaves this Tuesday to the UK to visit his family for a week (He gets back to Munich August 2nd) and he is also choosing his new apartment this week with his friend( a guy which actually is very fond of me and has no problem living with a couple) in Liverpool, and Im afraid that since were sort of not together maybe he won't think about me when getting the apartment. I really want to get back with him and live with him in Liverpool, but I feel that if he doesn't choose an apartment with three rooms, its like he's actually not planning on getting back with me. I Don't know what to reply to this last message on Facebook since I left some of my stuff at his apartment in Munich that I need to get back from him. Should I just keep on ignoring him? And what happens after 4 weeks of me ignoring his messages? How do I arrange a Casual meet up if he knows I'm Coming back to Munich sept 6th? I need to have a plan before I go back to Europe since I have to prepare my future and I have to know if Im going to include him in it, as in If Im living in Liverpool with him starting Sept, or I'm going to come up with my own plan, etc. I am really nervous because my flight back to Munich from Panama(Latin America) is on the 6th of Sept, and I don't know if I should stay in a hostel, or ask to stay with him? Should I ask for him to come meet me at the airport? What is shows up? Should I stay in a hostel for one night or two, arrange a coffee meeting with him, and then ask him if I can stay at his place with him for two weeks? How do I arrange a meet up with him, is it a bad idea to stay at his place even if I stay on another matress or sleeping bag? I have to plan what to do for my future when I get back to Europe, but I don't know how to if I don't know if I'm getting back with him or not. We also had plans to go to OKtoberfest together in Sept when I got back to Munich, and I still really want to go, but I don't have friends in Munich except him, so should I still suggest we go to together? How long should I wait in Munich to know if he wants to get back together with me? Because he moves back to the UK on the 24th of Sept, and I want to move back with him. What if he asks me what are my plans in the casual meetup? Because my plan would be to move back with him to Liverpool, but how do I seem not needy? Hes obviously going to know that I still want him badly if I hang around Munich for two weeks since I have nothing to do there except see him. My dad supports me economically a bit too, and I need to tell him what I'm going to do before I leave Panama in Sept. Should I talk to Eric a few times on skype after 4 weeks and try to sort things out with him, like our issues before I go to Munich or what? PLeasee I know these are like a million questions but this is a very particular situation and Its really hard to know what to do since the advice on The magic of making up guide is just assuming people are in the same city etc, and these are big decisions Im taking right now. I am sorry for the long email but I really needed you to understand my situation.


Thanks in Advance,

Nicole

[talaniman]

First of all the No Contact rule is for healing after a break up. You are not following it any way, nor should you until YOU make up your mind whether you are going to leave him alone forever. You have not done that so all you are doing is to keep the old crap going.

Make up your mind and if this will be over or not. If you want it to work then you better communicate and resolve this like adults and quit playing all these games.

Delete him forever, or work together, but quit half stepping.

[Triysle]

Seems to me you want to keep your options open until you make a decision. While I understand why you would want to do this, you have to understand that your partner deserves a clear, straight answer. Obviously you haven't sorted out what you want from him, but it's not fair to give him vague, dodgy answers. Tell him that you don't know what you want, and until you figure it out you're broken up. If he wants to come back to you later on, that's his decision to make.

You have a lot of self evaluation ahead of you. Don't drag him through the emotional dirt while you sort your own issues out.

~ Tee

[BK201]

Appreciate the detailed question. But still not clear what you want to do actually? It all depends on your decision.
You want to break up? No regrets, do it. He will cry for a month may be, but trust me, men have ways of getting back to normal. Sort out how to get your stuff back, and go NC, shouldn't be hard to get a new fb account or phone number.
If you want to be with him, you have to be prepared, cos, he is doing all these since he has realized your value only after you left. Problem with many men, we don't realize the value of something until we loose it. But once we have it, we always underestimate it and take it for granted. So, the point it, there are moore chances that he will get back to his old self once you get back with him. You have decide first. What do you want?