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lostlove19 · Mar 4, 2011, 05:04 PM

I've been with my boyfriend who is also my son's father for 5 years. At the beginning of the relationship he always did nice little things to make me happy. And when we started to have sex, it was very passionate! We used to have sex at least 4 or 5 times a week but now nothing. And I felt like this when I was pregnant and then later on found out he was cheating on me. I confronted him amd he said he was sorry and then said he will change. Although it seemed like he did change, I'm starting to get that empty feeling again like he's cheating on me again. He never wants to have sex, and barely even hugs and kisses me. He also never buys me anything or even tries to do anything to impress me. Its like he's so comfortable with this relationship that he feels like his job is done. I try talking to him about how I feel and he just tells me I'm selfish. Am I selfish?

talaniman · Mar 4, 2011, 05:49 PM

Not selfish, just concerned is all, especially after a bad experience from before. As couples progress communications is even more important, and so is keeping those lines open. Sometimes through the filter of our own feelings, we don't actually see other things in the relationship change, or the outside forces that can change us.

Look around your environment, and see if there are changes that can cause stress, or mood swings, or what other events are you going through. Is he happy with himself, or does he have a reason to be. Does he have a problem, health or otherwise?

This is an honest evaluation you have to make, and find out what the problem is before you can have a resolution for it.

sharper11 · Mar 17, 2011, 08:51 AM

No, you are not selfish. I get the impression you let him off easy from his cheating, it wouldn't surprise me if he was cheating again. (Cheaters typically just "change")

On the other hand, it is normal for a relationship to go through some rough patches. The first year (give or take a few months) is the "honeymoon" stage.. in which EVERYTHING is lovey dovey and perfect. Then the relationship cools down and some people have a hard time accepting that.

I've been with my Wife for 6 years and we go through these periods. We try to communicate well with each other to make each other feel "safe" I guess. During those "down times" I'll send flowers to her work, or do something out of the ordinary to let her know I still love her ;)

----In your case, you really need to let him know how you feel. If he gets defensive or argues, I think he is being SELFISH.. . It takes two to make a relationship work.

Good Luck, and I hope everything goes well for you.

elwyna12 · Mar 20, 2011, 11:21 AM

Your not selfish at all. I always think that once someone is a cheater, they will always be a cheater. As much as it sucks, it sounds like he's cheating on you again. Maybe its time you moved on to someone better for you, someone trustworthy and someone who treats you right. I know what its like to be in a relationship where you feel the guy isn't putting any effort in, and that could mean he is juat done with the relationship.

Take sometime to think about what it would be like to be in a better relationship with someone you can trust, and someone who loves you as much as you love them. Cheaters don't deserve a second chance in my opinioin, and most cheaters will cheat more than once.