[makemelaugh]

We've beem together 3 years and lived together 2. he comes from a unaffectionate family and only seems to want sex after he's been drinking. He said he use to always want sex when he was younger (now 40). He said he lost interest in mid 30's. We split up last year and he went out with a few people, he admitted to having sex with them (they were in their 20's and early 30's). He's my best friend and I love him dearly but don't understand what is going on. I've never had this happen with any other man. He likes me to go down on him a lot but has only me a few times, he prefers oral to sex. I love to do that for him but I want satisfaction also. He said he's tired or not in the mood. When we argue, he'll say I've gained weight or I get on his nerves and this is why he never wants sex. He's use to dating younger women, I'm his age. He tells me he loves me and I'm a good woman and he knows he'll never find anyone like me again. What is the problem?

[Eileen G]

He's a creep?

Seriously, he doesn't show affection, he calls you fat and says you get on his nerves, he wants blow jobs but won't return the favour, and he may have problems getting it up (due to all that drinking?)

You can do a lot better.

[Enigma1999]

He tells me he loves me and I'm a good woman and he knows he'll never find anyone like me again. what is the problem?

Have you asked him what his problem is?

You two should be able to talk openly about this considering you two are adults who are having sex.

I think that you should communicate this to him, because I don't see this getting any better. Do you?

Until then, I wouldn't go down on him any more.

In fact, if he wants some oral, I would make him go down on you TWICE before he gets any.

That's just me though. I'm a demanding little girl...

He sounds selfish and rude.

Just my opinion...

[jenniepepsi]

Sounds like a midlife crisis, mixed with a selfish self centered jerk. Take some time for yourself honey. And after some time apart, ask him what his problem is. If he can't be faithful, then there isn't any real reason to keep trying and hurting yourself over him

[chipper_ripper]

Hi makemelaugh,

I just had to drop you a line since I suffer from pretty much the same issue. We are together almost 5 years... lots of ups and downs in between.
It's interesting that my boyfriend also has a hyper-focus only on oral and can never have a sex without being drunk but watches porns. He also had a rough childhood if that has anything to do with the issue...

I directly but not emotionally confronted him about the issue... don't know if it had any impact since he's working in another country and I can't even be with him now.

Are you still with this guy?
Maybe we could discuss a matter personally?

[Synnen]

?
Maybe we could discuss a matter personally?

If by "personally", you mean "on this board"---GREAT!

But it is extremely discouraged to take discussions to a private level on AMHD--and any email addresses posted are deleted.

[chipper_ripper]

Synnen,

Thanks for letting me know about the rule here...
I'll see if makemelaugh feels comfortable to discuss any further on this board...