[jenny448]

My boyfriend loves me lot and few days back he was also serious about marriage.but recently he started saying I love you but I can't marry you.I asked him many times the reason but he never gave me any proper reason.one day we had a big fight and I decided to never talk to him.. next day he called me and cryed saying he cannot live without me and will marry me.. n then I thought he became normal so I started talking to him.. but after a month again when I asked him he told the same thing he cannot marry.. And many times I feel I never game him any time to miss me so may be because of that he feels this way, I don't know.. I really don't know what to do... I love him very much and want him in my life forever.. can somebody help me with this

[kaka67]

Have you asked him why he can't marry you?

Id probably start there.

[Jake2008]

If what you want is to marry your boyfriend, and he has made it clear that he does not wish to marry you, then only you can make the decision to stay in the relationship, or not.

If you want a man who can offer the commitment of marriage to you, then you should probably move on.

[jenny448]

Yes I asked him many times about why he don't want to marry me. Initially he used to give me reason his parents but he never tried evn once to convince them.. n then I asked him to convince them he told he also don't want to take it to marriage.. n then I asked him reason for that.. he feels I'm very good gal and he is not worth me.. but he never told the reason why he feels he is not worth me.
I also feel I have never let him miss me.I just did once he called me some 100 times and told me he cannot live without me.is this because of that.

[CarrotTalker]

It sounds like he is playing a game to keep you strung along in this relationship that is not getting anywhere.

The end goal for you seems to be marriage, for him its something different.

You tried to communicate with him about what is causing his lack of commitment but he just runs you in circles with no solid answers.

Him saying that he is not worth you could mean anything and result in anything, from just being insecure, to the possibility of cheating or being dishonest with you in the future. Why risk it?

How old are each of you?

[Fr_Chuck]

It is obvious you are not at the same place he is, and he may never want to marry, so you have to choice, will you be happy just living with him or dating him ( did not know ifyou were living together or not)

But often one side or the other, if they are already living together see no reaon to marry

[Cat1864]

Jenny, do you mind giving some more background such as how old both of you are, how long you have been together, and what area of the world you live in? Do you come from the same culture as your boyfriend? Do families play a major role in deciding marriages where you live?

How ready for marriage are both of you at this time? Is he concerned about getting settled in life before getting married?

[jenny448]

I am 23 n he is 25.. we have been in relation for 3 yrs.. we don't stay together. I'm in usa and he is in india.though we both are from same culture.. n yes families play a very imp role in deciding our marriage.

I have settled myself in terms career and I'm ready for marriage nw and he is keen of getting settled before marriage as he told me this many time.

Comment on Fr_Chuck's post

No we don't live together.. we are in a long distance relationship.

[bigbang5]

I want you to move ahead in life jennny... I want you to... see,, even if you marry this guy u'd break the heart of your parents... so I think that you should forget the past and move on... the long distance relationship doesn't work...

[Cat1864]

A couple of friendly tips on using the site:

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Jenny, it sounds as if you are at different stages of your lives. You are ready for a home and family of your own. He is still trying to get there. It may be that he is having second thoughts about a long distance relationship. They are very hard to keep viable. After long periods, it can seem like more investment with little to no return. As much as he may care about you, he may be needing/wanting a relationship closer to home. He may also be getting some pressure from his parents to find someone closer especially if they are concerned he might move away from them to be with the person he chooses to be his wife.

You can stay in the relationship and give him time to get settled with his life hoping that he will still want you when the time is right for him or you can let go and heal. Something to think about is do you really love him or are you so used to the relationship that you are holding on to it because it is what you know. Are you afraid of letting go and trying to find a new relationship?

[joypulv]

Same culture, but what about religion and caste, important to some families still in India? He may be at odds with his family, who may have a wife in mind for him, and will either disown him if he marries someone else or just be very unhappy. He may not want to tell you this.
But... who knows, really, it could just be the distance problem or any number of reasons. You can't dwell on the actual act of marriage, and don't need to at your age.

[jenny448]

@cat1864: I have told him many times that I am ready to settle at his place after marriage and I have told him that even if it take 10 years for him get settled properly I will be waiting for him. I really love him a lot but sometimes I feel I am so used to this relationship that I cannot stay talking to him even a single day.But there is no doubt I love him and yes I am little afraid of letting him go as I am so used to him like talking to him, sharing every little things happening in my life with him.

@joypulv: you we are of same caste but we do have difficult culture. And you this was little problem to his family as they told him that they have totally different culture. But as far I know his family they will agree if he try to convince them a little. But he never tried to even talk to them about me after that. And he told me he don't want to marry me and gave many inappropriate reasons.

[LightCross]

You know if my girlfriend were to ask me same thing I would probably answer about same thing, don't get me wrong though, I do want to marry with my girlfriend but marriage is not an easy talk especially for men side. For men marriage means they must be ready for everything, they must be ready to support their life and their wife financially and all, and if there are children it will be tougher because the men must be able to support the family together, plus a marriage also means uniting two family together which is your family and your partner's of course it is not easy matter for both especially for the man part cause the responsibilities he has to bear is not easy matter. Just my guess but your bf's heart is not ready for marriage with you, he does want to marry you but he could be finding that some part of his is not ready for marriage with you and he wants to take his time until he ready to marry with you, I don't know what part he still not ready at, could be economy,parentsproblem etc I don't know it is your job to find out. For now just spend your time with him happily.

[talaniman]

You have already been together 3 years, and the distance between you is a big disconnect. I think that you need a year of face to face contact, to see if marriage is the right thing for you both.

Make no mistake, online, phone, text, or whatever you guy do is no substitute for dating, and relating face, to face together, and getting use to each others physical presence, and no progress can really be made until you do. Distance seems to have opposite affects on you both, and that has to change, to see how you actually deal with each other in person, over time. Easy to build fantasies in our minds about a person that you don't actually have contact with. Was this how you met, online??

So when does that happen??

[Homegirl 50]

I think if he wanted marriage after all this time, he would find a way for it.
I think he is comfortable in this long distant relationship and you are comfortable with him.
It may be wise for both of you to move on.


You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to talaniman again.

[jenny448]

@talaniman: no we were together for one and a half year and we were away for one and a half year.yes I feel because of this long distance may be his feelings are gone.

[talaniman]

So when do you get to actually be back together in person?

[jenny448]

I met him last may. And most probably will be meeting him again this may.