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teamchevy89 · Jan 3, 2011, 10:41 AM

A bartender that I have known for 2 years just from seeing her at work texts me all day everyday. She has had a boyfriend for 6 years. I also have a girlfriend that she is aware of but I want this bartender bad.The conversations were platonic until recently. Somehow we started texting about sex which was never brought up before. It got really bad. She wanted to get a hotel room to gave sex with me and she went on about all the things she wanted to do with me. This went on for two days. We were supposed to meet up but never did. Out of no where everything cooled down and no more sex talk and not as much texting in general as before. Can someone please tell me what is going through this girls mind? She said she loves her boyfriend and has never done anything like this before. I've never been anything but nice to her. She is the one who brought up sex. Someone please tell me what to do cause I really like her

kctiger · Jan 3, 2011, 10:44 AM

The real question you have to ask yourself is what is going on in your mind that you consider this not only an option, but a realistic option you WANT to pursue. Some girls will open their legs easily, and some guys will take anything they can get. Simple as that. I guess it's your choice, but remember there are two other people in this equation that will be devastated (YOUR girlfriend and HER boyfriend).

Wondergirl · Jan 3, 2011, 10:46 AM

No, you don't want this bartender bad. She is poison and will really mess up your life. Go No Contact with the bartender -- no texts, no calls, no in-person meetings, no visiting the bar she works at. You have a girlfriend. She has a boyfriend for SIX YEARS. (Does he know about her "activities" with you -- and who else?? She could very well be doing the same thing with three other guys.)

teamchevy89 · Jan 3, 2011, 03:57 PM

No he doesn't know. I know for a fact that he has cheated on her before, but I can't tell her that cause it's guy code so I can't rat. The girl is supernice and really pretty. I never thought in a million years she would say some of the things she was saying in these texts. That all cooled off and no we're back to general chat. I've only hung out with her twice in two years outside of work. I've only had a girlfriend for a year and I didn't see a future. Can u just tell me from what I'm telling you if this girl really likes me and how realistic is it? I need to make a decision with this girl.

Wondergirl · Jan 3, 2011, 04:01 PM

Where do you see "supernice" when she sexts you and cheats on her boyfriend of six years?

I am telling you NO!!

teamchevy89 · Jan 3, 2011, 07:21 PM

Yeah but she didn't cheat.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 3, 2011, 07:52 PM

Guy code, ( LOL) are you 12 or 14, I thought you were grown. Perhaps you can have her pinky swear not to tell.

If you are old enough to be having sex, act old enough and show responisbility in what you do, And all the other people who are effected by your actions.

Wondergirl · Jan 3, 2011, 08:10 PM

Originally Posted by teamchevy89

Somehow we started texting about sex which was never brought up before. It got really bad. She wanted to get a hotel room to gave sex with me and she went on about all the things she wanted to do with me. This went on for two days. We were supposed to meet up but never did ... She is the one who brought up sex.

Yes, she has cheated on her boyfriend.

teamchevy89 · Jan 4, 2011, 06:35 AM

Why would I run to her like a little girl and rat on her boyfriend. That's something I won't do. All I want is for one of u people to tell me why she is doing this. Is she just getting a high from the flirting

teamchevy89 · Jan 4, 2011, 06:37 AM

Can u just tell me why she is doing this? That's all I want

Jake2008 · Jan 4, 2011, 07:03 AM

There are many possibilities why she's doing this.

She could be trying to get back at her boyfriend, so she's using you.

She could be simply interested in sex on the side because she's bored with her boyfriend, so she's using you.

She could be a nymphomaniac, and has a very long history of similar encounters, so she's using you.

She could have had a bet with a girlfriend that she could get you in the sack and win a free drink, and she's using you.

In other words, nobody knows why a woman would suddenly show a sexual interest in a person to the point of wanting to get a hotel room, and then suddenly cool her jets and pretend as though nothing happened.

What she isn't interested in, is a relationship. Not only because she has a boyfriend, but because she has not indicated otherwise. And, as the others have said, each of you are in relationships anyway, and you've dodged a bullet this time. Next time, if there is a next time she wants to meet you for sex in a motel, you could end up with an STD, a broken relationship, and nothing to show for not being smart enough to know you are being used.

No need to read between the lines of text she sends you, you only need to see between the sheets.

teamchevy89 · Jan 4, 2011, 07:43 AM

SoSAo when I see her this weekend and I will cause happy hour is part if my Friday routine, how do I act? Act like nothing happened or what?

teamchevy89 · Jan 4, 2011, 07:47 AM

I see it as she is simply bored of her boyfriend but is scared to break up with him. I have no idea what to do. I just want to ask her why she did it but I don't want awkwardness

Jake2008 · Jan 4, 2011, 07:51 AM

I would totally ignore her. Not only because of rude and demeaning texts, but because she is a person of obvious low moral character.

adviceishere · Jan 4, 2011, 08:26 AM

Hey look, first off think of your girllfriend, is she not supernice too? You are with her after all, you say you don't see a future, its cruel of you to keep going out with her if you don't even see a future and also if you truly loved her you would not be texting another girl! So end your relationship now if your going to keep contact this other girl. Then when you've kept your girlfriend from being hurt any further you can ask this girl about that night, just ask straight out, then you'll have your answer, no one on this can tell you what's going on in her head except her, but please don't hurt your girlfriend any further let her find a guy who doesn't emotionally cheat on her. Sorry if I sound harsh but I'm really feeling bad for your current girlfriend she doesn't deserve it

teamchevy89 · Jan 4, 2011, 08:59 AM

The sex texting stopped shortly after I asked her if she was doing this to get back at her boyfriend. She replied with "no not tryin to get back at him I don't know what's going on I've never done anything like this before and honestly I love him I just don't know what's going on". So a few more texts after that and that was the end of the sex texting. Do u think I scared her away by asking about her boyfriend? I'm really just trying to figure all this out cause I'm very confused.

Wondergirl · Jan 4, 2011, 09:15 AM

Originally Posted by teamchevy89

I'm really just tryin to figure all this out cause I'm very confused.

There is nothing to figure out. She has a bf; you have a girlfriend.

I wish · Jan 4, 2011, 10:26 AM

We can't read her mind. If you want to know the truth, then you'll have to ask her directly.

She's been emotionally cheating on her boyfriend with you. That's already a huge red flag. She's been with her boyfriend for 6 years, if she was sick of him, she would have broken up with him by now. There's a reason she's still with him and we may never know that reason, only she will know.

Instead of worrying about all these what ifs. I suggest you figure out your own problems first.

First of all, if you don't want to continue your relationship with your girlfriend, then break up with her. Quit leaving her hanging. If you want to stay with your girlfriend, then stop thinking about other women.

If you want to be with this new girl, you have to break up with your current girlfriend first. Furthermore, even if you do break up and then confess your feelings to this new girl, there's no guarantee that she will want to be with you.

Secondly, seems like your current girlfriend is the back up plan. If things pan out with the bartender, you'll be with her. If it doesn't, then your girlfriend is the safety net. Did you tell your girlfriend about your feelings about this bartender?

Are you prepared for all these consequences?

Devorameira · Jan 4, 2011, 11:24 AM

You said she didn't cheat on her boyfriend, but I want to make it clear that both of you were cheating... you were having an emotional affair.

Emotional cheating can actually be worse than the physical kind.

Any way you look at it, cheating is a good way to ruin a relationship, so if you're interested in keeping the girlfriend you have, you need to cut off all contact with her!

teamchevy89 · Jan 4, 2011, 04:23 PM

Well I'm either going to act like nothing happened when I see her or ignore her. You can tell she feels guilty she has comepletely stopped texting, well almost. How can she say all that stuff knowing she will see me again. Funny thing is I went out of my way for two years to not hit on her because she had a boyfriend. All I ever did was be nice to her and compliment her hear and there. Then out of no where she gets super aggressive and it feels like she may of ruined our friendship. As great as it was I wish she never sent those texts. I looked at her as a wifey type and now I don't but we have a strong connection and you guys are saying now I have to break it? By the way thanks everyone for helping me