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I called him
My ex and I broke up about a month ago- I've called him 5 times since then- once after I received a missed call from him which actually was him accidentally dialing me from his pocket- I was really upset as this was just after an exam also which I had a really hard time studying for because of the recent breakup so I cracked and called him- needless to say it was bad. I left for asia about a week after the breakup- I didn't call him for the first week but I called him twice after that with the second time being the worst- he sounded very annoyed and kept saying "we shouldn't be talking"- all these times I begged and pleaded for him to come back- I initiated the breakup because we had been fighting a lot and he's been going through a lot personally in the past few months (getting kicked out of school, having to find new direction) and he told me that he needs to focus on himself. I did myself a favor and initiated the breakup because I don't want to be with somebody who dosen't want to be in a relationship (that was what he said- "i love you and i care and i want to be with you but i can't be in a relationship). The night we broke up- this was over the phone- the phone line accidentally cut out and i left it at that- the next morning i got 3 messages from him- so i text messaged him saying everything was okay and to take care of himself. i was told countless times by everyone- EVERYONE- not to contact him- but being relatively alone in asia was hard and i gave in (sigh). i got back from asia two days ago in the morning- and contacted him yesterday afternoon- i bought a few gifts for him in asia because when i saw them they reminded me of him and i couldn't resist- i asked him to come by and get the gifts (we live about 2 minutes apart)- but i would understand if he didn't want to- and he said okay and that he would call me back- he called back an hour later to tell me he wasn't ready to see me- that its only been a month and we need more time- we hung up feeling crappy- just as predicted. I know a few friends who stayed in contact with their exes (or even stayed living with them)- and they have friendly relationships now- i'm obviously not over it but i hope to be friends with him as i also got along very well with his friends as a group (that's how i met him)- but after reading articles on the net tonight i realize i really really really need to not call him- i've cleaned out my stuff already but i finally deleted him off my IM list and off my phone- not that that helps because i know his phone number by heart. I asked him to call me when we talked last- and he said in a sad voice- i'm not ready to- but eventually. its very weird not having him around as i've just moved back to my hometown and he lives so close- its a small town and basically everywhere there is to go is places we've been to together- i have a "rebound date" in a couple of days with a guy that i know has been attracted to me for a long time and i've been attracted to him too- i just thought my ex was "the one" and pushed this guy away on every occasion- I also realize now that getting into a relationship (physical/ emotional/ both) would be detrimental to me- it would just feel so good to have a great connection with another guy right now- it probrably won't last though. I may be young but I'm looking for something permanent- sigh. I don't know what to say if he calls- I know I need to keep busy not think about it exercise take up a new hobby etc- any other hints? Or if anyone has a way of forgetting someone's phone numbers, emails, address- please tell me?
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