[CalebMichael]

My best friend of 8 years and I dated seriously for six months. Six months in my dad passed away and I was devastated. Over the next three weeks I became emotionally needy and my girlfriend couldn't shoulder the burden. She broke up with me because it was too much. A year has passed and since we have mutual friends I have found out that she is still single.

How do I initiate a conversation with her one year later? I don't know whether I want a dating relationship with her but I do know that I want her to be apart of my life again. I'm not opposed to dating her again but that is not my intention. I mostly don't want the distance that is currently between us to continue to exist. If I call her, what do I say?

[mystific]

Keep it light and casual. Ask her how's she's been and what's she's been up too.

If she questions why, answer honestly that you wanted to catch up and see how she's been and that you miss her friendship and let it flow from there.

You'll soon find out whether she wishes to begin a new relationship with you.. whatever form.

Good luck.

[Wondergirl]

I would even thank her for putting up with you as long as she did when your dad died. Tell her you've worked through a lot of the pain and missing him, and you'll always be grateful for the support she gave you.

[talaniman]

I think a phone call to catch up, and let her know you were thinking of her, and miss her friendship is a good start, but talking about dating and relationships would be too much. She may have a life she is happy with, so expect nothing at this point. I am going to assume you have gotten your life together, and found your own happiness. If not, leave her out of whatever issues you are dealing with, and don't call her.

[CalebMichael]

I have gotten my life together. The only questions I can't answer honestly is how I will feel when I see her. Part of me is still disappointed that she never called as a friend to see how I was recovering.

Here is some background information. She is 30 and I am 33. As a friend she was always frustrated with the men she was meeting and being single at her age as all her friends are married. Our relationship started because she was willing to give it a chance. Part of me believes that she couldn't shoulder the burden because she felt that my emotional collapse set her timeline back. She didn't have time to wait for me to recover. She wanted to be in acrelationship that was progressing towards marriage. Without even inquiring I have found out that she hasn't been in a serious relationship since and is frustrated with her current dating life.

Part of me is frustrated because if we do date again or resume a friendship it's hard not to believe she's only my friend when my life is easy. Not during the hard times.

[ironhide262]

You are kind of putting the cart before the horse here. You haven't talked to her yet so, who knows how she feels about you after a year. I think you should just shoot for becoming good friends for now... even that will not happen overnight.
You need to essentially start from the beginning and learn to become friends again . Whether she wants to do that is up in the air.
Just take it easy, keep things light and posative. I think that if you have truly got your life together than you don't really need her if she chooses not to be part of your life.

[Devorameira]

Just talk to her as you would any friend. Don't put her under any pressure, just move very slowly.

[CalebMichael]

So I called her. She was surprised I called and after I asked how she has been, she wanted to know my intentions. I told her that I was thinking about her and thought we had too much history and in common not to remain friends and be in each other's lives. She told me that she didn't want to be friends, and thinks I'm lame for even asking for a friendship. That was the end of our conversation. Did I do something wrong? Was I supposed to ask her out on a date? I couldn't figure out whether she was being rude because I asked for a friendship instead of more or because I was supposed to move on and never contact her again? I thought she would at least be friendly.

[kaka67]

Wow. What a selfish *****.

I wouldn't of contacted her myself. If she couldn't of been there for you at one of the most important times in your life then she can go jump.

Now you know where you stand.

[CarrotTalker]

I went through a similar situation as you. Except I was 10 years younger.

"Over the next three weeks I became emotionally needy". That's the point of a relationship/friendship, is for those people to stand by you and help when you are going through a tough time.

Forget about this selfish girl, let he be unsatisfied with her love life. No wonder she's not satisfied, look at what she puts into the relationship.

[CarrotTalker]

I would even thank her for putting up with you as long as she did when your dad died. Tell her you've worked through a lot of the pain and missing him, and you'll always be grateful for the support she gave you.

I would hardly call what she did support, 3 weeks in and she was ready to jump ship?

[Wondergirl]

I would hardly call what she did support, 3 weeks in and she was ready to jump ship?

They have a long history together.

[CalebMichael]

Thank you all for the feedback! I am just disappointed in myself. I'm just disappointed that I was burned by someone so judgemental and selfish and all I really wanted was reassurance that I was wrong about her and that she was the same friend I knew for 8 years.

[CarrotTalker]

They have a long history together.

Yes, 8 year long history as friends.
Only 6 months of a relationship.
Only 3 weeks of being "needy."