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Jazmin676 · Nov 4, 2010, 03:15 PM

My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me 2 months ago. We always talked about us getting married and having kids. His parents already considered me their daughter in law. When we broke up he said that he didn't love me the way he used to anymore, but that he still wants to be friends. I stopped talking to him for a while but eventually we talked again and I agreed to being his friend so I wouldn't have to lose him completely.. The only problem is that I can't get over the fact that I'm still deeply in love with him. He recently started seeing another girl and told me that he really likes her. At the same time he told me that he still loves me (after seeing how much more free I was being around him now and how I'm pretty much a new person), but that he still thinks we should only be friends (even after we had kissed). He doesn't think that a relationship isn't meant for us right now. How can I get him to realize that we should be more than friends?

jmjoseph · Nov 4, 2010, 03:28 PM

What really caused the break-up please? You mentioned that you were a "new person". What does that mean?

In addition, could we please have your ages? (It matters when we give advice.)

No matter what, don't allow yourself to be treated with such disregard, or disrespect, to be put on hold, or be held in reserve, while the love of your life tries out others for consideration. Have some self respect.

The world has more to choose from. He may not be the one.

God bless you.

Enigma1999 · Nov 4, 2010, 05:05 PM

Originally Posted by Jazmin676

My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me 2 months ago. We always talked about us getting married and having kids. His parents already considered me their daughter in law. When we broke up he said that he didn't love me the way he used to anymore, but that he still wants to be friends. I stopped talking to him for a while but eventually we talked again and I agreed to being his friend so I wouldn't have to lose him completely.. The only problem is that I can't get over the fact that I'm still deeply in love with him. He recently started seeing another girl and told me that he really likes her. At the same time he told me that he still loves me (after seeing how much more free I was being around him now and how I'm pretty much a new person), but that he still thinks we should only be friends (even after we had kissed). He doesn't think that a relationship isn't meant for us right now. How can I get him to realize that we should be more than friends?

Some times these things just happen. I know, it's crap, isn't it.

I have had men that want me, but there's no chance, and vice versa. It's time to move on and except the fact that he just only wants to be friends.

Quite honestly, I don't think you guys should even be that. As I don't think you are strong enough for that.

I wouldn't kiss him any more. It only confuses the situation all the way around.

You wrote, "(after seeing how much more free I was being around him now and how I'm pretty much a new person)"

I would too like to know what this statement means?

The bottom line is that he wants to be friends, nothing more. My heart goes out to you, because I know that feeling, I've been there before, and it's a sh!tty feeling.

Best of luck.

gaurdhero · Nov 4, 2010, 05:48 PM

I think that you shouldn't be held on pause while he goes round and sees other girls however I don't think you should put all your trust in one guy

Jazmin676 · Nov 4, 2010, 07:35 PM

It means that I've become a lot more open with him. I was always reserved and didn't talk much about my feelings or what was on my mind but now I do.

Enigma1999 · Nov 4, 2010, 07:41 PM

Time will tell.

If you two were meant to be, then it will happen. If not, then as much as you are hurting now, this too shall pass.

For now, I would just be friends with him, as he requested.

The only thing, well one thing I should say, that doesn't sit well with me,is that he is dating another girl and is kissing you, while telling you let's just be friends.

Watch out for that. He is starting to sound greedy by getting it all the way around.

Keep your guard up and start to focus on yourself.

Keep yourself busy and start to build new friendships with people as well as hanging out with your old friends.

This too shall pass. I know that's not what you want to hear, but, in time, you will see.

Good Luck.

talaniman · Nov 5, 2010, 11:56 AM

You will be miserable torturing yourself while he moves on and does his thing with someone else. You are also on a friends with benefits course by kissing and dredging up physical contact with a guy who has dumped you.

Look I know its very hard at this time, but unless you let yourself go through a proper healing process, things will be much worse for your feelings and emotions. Bow out gracefully and keep your dignity and self respect, by stopping as much contact with him as possible, and rebuilding a life that you enjoy, with friends, activities, and family that makes you happy.

Healing is crucial after the emotional trauma of a break up. So you can get through confusion, and make good decisions for yourself, based on FACTS and not just FEELINGS. Then you can enjoy your life and not have false hope, or depend on anyone but yourself to make you happy.

You have plenty of time to be friends with whomever you choose, after a proper healing for yourself.

Homegirl 50 · Nov 5, 2010, 12:09 PM

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to talaniman again.

You can't make him want to be anything other than friends any more than he can make you see that he only wants to be friends.
It is obvious that you can't be just friends so you need to tell him that and have him keep his kisses to himself, keep his dating other girls to himself.
You remove yourself from him so you can heal. Don't allow him to straddle the fence with you.