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kabeer3283 · Jun 12, 2010, 11:50 AM

Hello frens,
I'm kabeer and need your help, actually I'm in a relationship with a girl since 3 months. We love each other a lot. She tells me everything about her past she had an affair with a guy 5 years back when she was 16 but that guy was a jerk and only wanted to be physical with her. But she don't allowed him to do all those things except kissing once or twice because of which he dumped her, and she was very hurt by this because she use to love him. After that she said that many guys had proposed her but she either didn't like them and also she didn't want to get into this because of the past she had gone through. But in mean time she was in a group in which they use to drink and smoke and few girls were also there in her group. She also confessed that she also use to drink and smoke but soon she realised that this is not good and she decided to come out of this and she did. Now also she is friends with her but not like early when she use to hang out with them, just a hi and bye sort of frenship. After that her family decided that she should get married and started looking out for guys on matrimonial sites in which she liked three of them. She also confessed me that she use to like one of them who she mate through this matrimonial sites and they use to talk and she also like chattin with him for period of 15-20 days daily but soon then because of some reason it didn't work because of all the kundli problems and they stopped chatting right there... this is are all the things she has confessed me and now she loves me very much and told her parents that she wants to marry me... but her parents are somewhat against love marriage. I also love her a lot but still that past haunts me and I keep on asking her about her past that whteher she was physical with someone or not in spite of she telling me again again that she was not at all interested in sexual relationship especially after the first incident... But now we have been in physical many times.
Should I marry her..?. will she be loyal to me?. should I trust the things she has confessed?. should her past really bother me?.
Frens help me out of this... we love each other a lot and want to get married but this things keep on haunting me... m I doing the rite thing by asking about her past again again in spite of her loving me so much??

Clough · Jun 12, 2010, 12:34 PM

Hi, kabeer3283!

If you truly love her in a mature way, then you love her for who she is, where she is and what she is right now.

Why would knowing about her past have anything to do with loving her in such a way, please?

Hopefully, others will also come along to address your questions.

Thanks!

Fr_Chuck · Jun 12, 2010, 01:09 PM

Her past is really none of your business and if it was before you, then judge her by who she is now.

talaniman · Jun 12, 2010, 03:00 PM

What past are you referring too? Maybe I missed it but, all she did was smoke a few times, tried a drink or two, talk to a few guys, so I'm am not understanding at all, what you are tripping on.

I guess you wanted a pure virgin to marry, but it seems you took that too, so what's your real problem. Hmmmm! Could it be that you don't know her that well after only 3 months? That would make sense, and its an easy fix... get to know her better, so you can trust what she says, and not act like an insecure, immature fool. Yeah that should work!!

jmjoseph · Jun 12, 2010, 03:10 PM

So, your potential wife is not absolutely perfect? May I ask if YOU are the finest specimen of a man that this planet has to offer?

She has done nothing in her past to be ashamed of. Stop making her feel that way by judging her with your insecure mind.

And her parents are "against a love marriage"? And this is for cultural/religious reasons?

positiveparent · Jun 12, 2010, 07:15 PM

As others have already said her past is none of your business, and if you don't want her to tell you about it then simple Don't Ask.

What does what she's done before meeting you have to do with her relationship with you now, it doesn't.

It would seem she's been honest with you about it, and now you're using it like a stick to beat her with.

Let it go, take time to get to know her more, and put the past where it belongs in the past, if you can't then don't expect this relationship to last all that long.

Also after only 3 months you're talking about marriage, take your time, slowly but surely the race is won, marry in haste repent at leisure.

Forget the past work on the future, live in the moment the here and now, its all any of us really has.