[short_n_sassy]

Hi ;) I am in a lot of confusion. I don't know what to do with my situation if my insecurities have really gotten the worst of me. I have been in a 4 year relationship I have thought of him as my soulmate the love of my life we have a beautiful little girl together. Well recently in April of 2004 he pursued a online relationship with a younger girl who had a 18 month old baby when I found out in may he lied about what he was doing and said they were just friends I knew better. I later found out that he was planning on meeting her at the end of may she was going to come up from NC to PA and take him there. When I confronted him about that he said he was just going to look for a job initially but now he is inerrested in meeting her well after several weeks of crying and not sleeping well and blaming myself thinking I wasn't good enough I started looking for another place to live. Then somewhere along the way I changed my point of view and began to think , hell no, he's going to get out . Our place is in his name but I figured since he was going to NC why would he need this home. She new about me and our child but that did not matter. He told me that this was because I was his first and he wasn't sure if I'm the one and that he wants to meet other people so I used that additude Idon't give a just go and if you go don't come back. I prayed and asked everyday please don't go. One night he came home from work early I asked him what was going on with him and her he said nothing she was moving to Hawaii it was never meant to be and he was finding out that he was depressed from being fired from his previous job making him feel worthless. They stopped emailing each other she had actually deleted her name she didn't exist . I asked him what was going to go on between me and him he said that was up to me. I chose to try to forgive him. So now 3 months later he still goes online but and plays games but no relationships just friendships 1 particular with a girl from nyc but nothing about them makes me feel worried but I still feel uneasy and I can't seem to get over what he di I am afraid I'll chase him off how do I trust again

[confused2504]

Hey,

I really feel for you. You are in a very difficult situation and your destined to get hurt no matter what way you go.

From my point of view, he is not even worth your time anymore. The fact that he blatantly goes on line and chats to other girls is big alarms bells for you that the relationship is not the same. You have been togther for four years and yes at times the relationship can be slow in the love department. But there are no excuses whether the relationship is for 6 months or 10 years, your partner should not even be considering talking to other people. As sad as he tries to justify his actions by saying these ladies are only friends... im sorry but he should already have friends and on top of it all, he should consider you as his best friend. NO ONE else.

I think you should really consider what you want. The fact that you don't trust him (and I don't blame you) will eat away at you. Trust and honesty play big parts in a relationship and if you don't have those, no matter how much you love each other it will never work.
You will find yourself questioning everything he does. Even as something as simple as him going to the shops, you will be asking, what is he doing there? Is he meeting a girl? You will tear your heart apart from your own questions.
To me, it appears he is over the relationship. He is looking to move on. Cos if you love someone you wouldn't do anything to hurt them, and he is hurting you a lot.
Build your strength and no you deserve better than this. Woud you treat someone you love this way? Im sure you wouldn't so why let someone do it to you!
The fact that you have a child togther means he will always be in your life, but only for your child's sake. Don't make him apart your own life. You deserve someone who will treat you like a queen.

Keep in mind.. if he wanted to be in this relationship he would be trying to make it work... he left the decision to you. He didn't care!
I really think you should access what makes you happy and I don't think he is making you happy. Don't let the fact that you have a child and been together for a long time cloud your happiness. I think that your partner is a idiot and you should not waste one more minute on him. Leave him to talk for hours on line and soon he will realise what he gave up, but by then it would be too late because you would have moved on.
Good Luck
Let me know if I misinterpreted anything.

[short_n_sassy]

There was no misunderstanding I know you are right but I am finding it very hard to walk away I really have no where to go.

[confused2504]

Hey,

First of all, don't think negatively. There is always a solution to every problem. Don't ever start thinking that you have no where to go.
First of all, do you have family? Family will always support you in all your decisions and Im sure are willing to help you get back on your own two feet.

Next is friends, they are the same as family. Look for advice from them or stay with one of them for awhile. Offer to pay rent, or do something for them in return.

The big step has to come from you. If you don't think that you can do anything then you won't. Look there are stories of women who are in abused relationships and there families are in different countries. They still find away too get out of their unhappy situation.
You have to build your strength and have help from people if you feel you can't make this move by yourself.
Im sure there are plenty of people who love you and would help you out of your unhappy situation. You only have to ask!
If you really feel that you are not happy in this situation then I suggest you make the move. You will only become depressed and life is too short.
You never know what's around the corner. Only YOU can change YOUR life. Why sit around and be upset when there are so many things you could do with your life e.g. get a new job, or take up a hobby or something... you can be much more happier than what you are now, so why wouldn't you take the plunge... there should be nothing holding you back!

[artistall]

I think you need to look at this from yet another perspective.  You are not the first and you will not be the last woman to experience this sort of dilemna.  You have a child together and that is important! Don't just give up and let it all go.  Many women throughout history have stuck it out through thick and thin to maintain what they knew was the right thing for them in a relationship.  Sharon Ozborn for one has told of her trying times with Ozzy and his abusive behavior.  She stuck by him and they worked through it and they are forever!  Bill Clinton still has Hillary and so on!  You can do this.  Sometimes women have to show strength and courage in these situations.  "Behind every successful man is a good woman." If you think that by moving on life will be happy ever after then you will have to learn the hard way. He made a mistake, he gave in to mixed emotional feelings.  Perhaps he has learned something and has grown from it.  Life is a learning experience and as he has learned from this so shall you and it would be better for you both to grow together than apart.  Have deeper heart to heart talks and try to spend as much "Quality Time" together as possible.  Many people split up and get back together again after they realize through the separation that it really wasn't as good as they had anticipated.  The bottom line is this:; never give up until you have exhausted every possible attempt to rectify that which has gone bad!
You may thank yourself later and so will your child!  Relationships are very important to me and I think people should put more effort into making them work instead of bailing out when a partner falls prey to weakness which we are all capable of doing!  Let's face it!  We are only human!  Unfortunately! Love always wins out if you give it the chance! I do wish you both the Best!

[short_n_sassy]

I don't want to give up on our relationship. I have put too much into more than I have received but I put up with it I put up with a lot because I love him. I understand that men tend to hide their feelings and since he comes from a family that didn't talk real situations with each other its all new to him. When does a man swallow his pride and tell the woman that he is sorry and that he loves her and wants to be with her.

[missqueenb]

Hello dearest,

Let me begin by saying I feel for you, and hope that you take the responses to your inquiry seriously. First of all, hell yes, he cheated, hell yes, he didn't think about your family when he chased that piece of booty, hell yes, you are a doormat, and hell no do you even consider trusting him again... I hate to sound cliché, and redundant, but once a cheat, always a cheat! Honey, listen, this guy is waiting for you to leave, cause he, right now is too big of a coward to truthfully tell you that you and he have outgrown each other. Also, do not use your daughter as the reason for keeping him around... he'll leave eventually anyway. Of course it is hard to just walk away, especially when feelings are envolved, and when there is an innocent, beautiful child in the mix of all the drama, but you must get up, be a woman, and step the off him before you come home oneday and catch him with one of his internet "friends" (men use this as their chick on the side name) in your bedroom tearing it up ghetto style... trust me, once you leave, there is a better life for you, and your child, but if you remain there, ignore the obvious, and god forbid you marry him, I can guarantee you that you WILL get hurt... think smart bebe... missqueenb :

[CroCivic91]

My mum and my dad are 55 atm, and they're fighting like mad every day. It drives me nuts. Don't presume your children will be happy in such environment. There are times I want to leave home for about a week just to not hear them fight and shout at each other, it's that horrible. And it's my dad mostly starting the fight, and driving my mum nuts. I really do feel sorry for her, she gets so upset every time.

So, what I want to say - don't stay with him if you're not happy, and use your child's happiness as an excuse.

I try to help her as much as I can, she seems happy when talking to me and doing stuff around the house with me. Other than that - she seems so unhappy all the time... :(