[owenk]

I firted starting seeing this guy from August 2009, we spoke from time to time over msn before hand and I asked him to come out for my brothers 18th birthday. I had not long been split with my boyfriend of four years an he recently split with his girlfriend of 2 years. When we where out his ex saw us talking an pushed me an wanting to fight before the bouncers chucked her out, it upset as he didn't tell me she was in the same club as us an didn't even try keeping her off me.

Anyway we spoke all the time an started to see each other, I decided to give my boyfriend another go, which he knew about but was still wanted to see me, so feel so bad knowing I was cheating my on my boyfriend but I was'nt happy an split beginning of march this year, I slept with this guy new year an had been sleeping with him since. I know he still has some sort of contact with his ex as he always seems to know when she's coming and going because she works aboard and on cruise ships, plus he has got her name tattooed on his wrist :s

He says his getting it covered an has been aying that since the beginning of this year, I've been seeing him ince August an is now April coming to may, its like he won't commit, he says if its meant to be it will, What the hell he's 21 I'm 23 that's something you would say in school.

I brought it up once about just staying friends even though that's what we are and he was'nt happy about it, but why won't he step up, he wants me to not do things as if I'm in a relantionship but we're not, he says its not just sex, so what's holding him back??

Thanks :)

Xxxx

[Kitkat22]

Both of you need each other. He cheated on her you cheated on your boyfriend... Good Luck

[Karta666]

I don't think there is an immediate straight answer to your issue.

First and foremost, you need to recognise that your 'relationship' with this 'new guy' was born out of mistrust - by that I mean you cheated on your ex with him - and your new guy knows it. Off the top of my head I can see two things that might be going through your 'new' (and I use the term loosley) "boyfriends" mind.

1) You cheated on your boyfriend of 4 years with him. You say you were trying again with your 4 yr relationship, but carried on seeing this new guy? Why? If you knew it wasn't going to work out (and how can it, while you are seeing this new guy?) ideally you should have focused on just one guy. I'm not pointing the finger at you here, it's not my place, I'm genuinely interested, as it seems you chose your new guy over your old one for some reason.

Your new guy may be thinking that if you can cheat on a 4 yr relationship you can cheat on him too. If he feels insecure with you he's not likely wanting to start a committed relationship with you because he may think that commintment won't stop you sleeping with someone else behind his back. You did it with your ex, so why not him?

2) It's just sex to him. If you have been 'friends with benefits' for this long then he should know if there is a deep connection with you or not by now (sex should, after all, be one of the closest bonds a couple can share). I would stop the sex right away because you are not a couple. If he wants sex with you it should be in a relationship, and you should take some control in this situation and lay down the law.

If he doesn't want a relationship with you then he doesn't care, so why should you let yourself be messed around with this guy, because ultimately you will be the one that ends up hurting. If he feels that telling you 'it's not just sex' will make you wait longer for him (whilst he still gets what he wants: the sex), then you should show him it's not going to be like that, and that you deserve a little respect. Stop the sex, because you will learn his true intentions that way.

Good luck with this one, keep communicating with him but either way stop the sex, and see how it goes...

[friend4u178]

Is It Just A Sex Thing?...

Certainly sounds like it... do you want to find out??


STOP giving him sex , he'll either stay because it's more than the Sex , or he'll be off like a rat up a drainpipe.

[Showme_urmove]

staying friends even though that's what we are and he was'nt happy about it, but why won't he step up, he wants me to not do things as if I'm in a relantionship but we're not, he says its not just sex, so what's holding him back??

Why would he want something more with you if your already opening your legs for him, why would he ruin the best thing. He gets sex and no attachment that's the best thing that a man can do.

he wants me to not do things as if I'm in a relantionship but we're not

sounds to me like he is treating you like one of his property. He can do everything he wants but you should just stay home and be a good girl.
Start having some morals and don't let lust take over your emotion. I think the reason why you left your 4 year relationship is because this new guy looks way better then the one you had.

[Karta666]

He gets sex and no attachment thats the best thing that a man can do.

:eek:

Although I'm NOT one of those guys, I'm afraid many do just see: sex sex sex.

And when I say many, I mean most :( it gives the rest of us male species a bad name, and breeds stereotypes like the quoted one above.

They way you describe him treating you does lead me to believe he IS unfortunately one of those men. The only way you can find out, is by treating yourself with some respect and stop with the sex.

[Kitkat22]

:eek:

Although i'm NOT one of those guys, i'm afraid many do just see: sex sex sex.

And when I say many, I mean most :( it gives the rest of us male species a bad name, and breeds stereotypes like the quoted one above.

They way you describe him treating you does lead me to believe he IS unfortunately one of those men. The only way you can find out, is by treating yourself with some respect and stop with the sex.

After the thrill is gone... what then?:(

[talaniman]

Commit? To what? What commitment do you want??

Why buy a cow when you are already getting free milk??

[Lucky098]

Why buy the cow when the milk is free?

He can get laid without worrying about finding someone, disease etc... Yet, he can still go out with the boys and be with other girls with out that guilty feeling of cheating.

It was already posted, but I'll repeat.. He may not want a relationship because you're already a known cheater. You cheated on a boyfriend of 4 years without a care in the world. How will he be any different? Would you trust him if he cheated on his x girlfriend for you?

Stop having sex with him and stop being so available. If he wants to be with you, he'll be with you. If you're just a good romp in the hay, then he'll stop talking to you completely.

You've kind of put yourself in this awkward position. You CAN get yourself out of it, but it requires you to stand up and say no when he calls you for that late night booty call.

Re-establish yourself as a trusting, loving person. Not someone who cheated to be with another guy. Once a cheater, always a cheater isn't always true, but it certainly does ring a lot of bells and raise a lot of red flags.

Just start over. Have today be a new day. If the guy likes you, wants to be with you, he'll come. And if he doesn't, then I'm sorry :( But he didn't deserve you anyway.

[Kitkat22]

There is no way you two can have a relationship, except what you have now. Don't waste your life...