[whymenow?]

Hi, I've been with my girlfriend for just about 3 years now, I moved in with her and her mom as my parents left the country, we were just about getting into a relationship when I moved in, after 2 years being brilliant together, never arguing, enjoying being with each other and being in love we decided to buy a flat together.
My girlfriend left her job in the last month because she had issues with a girl she was working for, and came home crying nearly every week saying that she felt as though she was being bullied mentally and couldn't cope with it.
I told her I would support her with any decisions she makes but I did tell her that I would not be able to handle paying mortgage and bills on my own.
Anyway when she gets upset she would never come to me to talk about work or issues and would go to her mums.
This obviously made me feel awkward and didn't want to bring it up as I didn't want to argue or anything and thought she needed motherly love maybe?
So today out of the blue she told me she needed space and wants to live with her mom for the next couple of weeks
I asked her why she felt as though she couldn't be with me and she said that she didn't feel as though we are as close as what we were and felt more like friends.
I must admit I could be supporting her more than what I could and I have been stressed out with her finding a job and managing to pay the bills but would never have thought she was about to dump me out of the blue.
Anyway my girlfriend is on medication for anxiety and has only recently gone back on it with her job, does she need more support? How do I offer it to her, I've told her loads before I'm here for her and when she needs to talk to me she can
I'm just so confused as what to do.
She's been getting loads of interviews so its not as though it will take her long to find a job and I have been reasuring her.
I'm not stupid and know a bit about relationships, but I am very confused as I have been with her for nearly 4 years, lived to gether for 3 years and never has it come to this or even a full blown argument. I love her to bits, and always thought to myself I didn't know what I would do without her, and I know she feels the same.
Could it be her anxiety?
She's been in a long relationship before me ( 5 years ) lived together , and she dumped her ex as well.
Is this HONESTLY her and not ME? ( not that she's said that )
Grrrrrrrrrrr I'm so confused and upset.

[chickie543]

i asked her why she felt as though she couldnt be with me and she said that she didnt feel as though we are as close as what we were and felt more like friends.

She already told you. Sorry for this, but she doesn't have the same feelings for you anymore. You need to make sure not to talk to her, its so you can heal and move on. You're overanalyzing everything. Just stop, I know your trying to find an answer to this pain. But you probably won't find one. Read this stickies at the top of the relationship page, they will help you move on. Keep us posted!

[whymenow?]

Thanks for reply, well I left at her mums and came home knowing that we would talk about it properly tomorrow as that's what she said, and her mum rung me and said she's sorry about it as we are close, and said she's there for me if I need anything, and about an hour ago she text me saying she will let me know in the morning when she's coming round to talk about it properly.and I just replied 'ok' and then she replied saying she cares about me xx :S
I suppose I will have to wait until tomorrow and see how it goes and move forward from that. Just doesn't feel real at all as I wasn't expecting it. Its weird because as a person I respect myself and have always found that I can move on from relationships and never really look back and sort of have a 6th sense to spotting a bad relationship but I know for a fact she loves me and cares about me, but if she really means that she doesn't feel the same anymore I want to know for a fact that she doesn't want to be with me any more and that saying she wants to live with her mum for a couple of weeks actually mean she doesn't want to live with me anymore, I suppose she doesn't know herself what she wants to do.
I think I will see how tomorrow goes and what she expects of me and what I of her.

[chickie543]

I hope tomorrow goes well. Keep us posted :)

[Newguy2009]

Man my situation is very similar to yours accept my ex didn't want to find a job. I am still trying to get her name off the house. I am awaiting a response from the bank.

Bottom line is that she asked for space. You have to give it to her to let her find out how she feels. In the meantime, do not contact her and do your own thing but please, don't wait around for her. If she wants you back she will let you know. I have a feeling that if you talk tomorrow, she is going to break the news to you so be prepared for that. Stay strong buddy.

[chickie543]

I have a feeling that if you talk tomorrow, she is going to break the news to you so be prepared for that. Stay strong buddy.

If it is bad news, make sure to keep your cool. Wait till she leaves to cry or get angry. Don't show it in front of her.

[Newguy2009]

she text me saying she will let me know in the morning when shes coming round to talk about it properly.

I Hope the outcome is good, however this quote leads me to believe otherwise. Talk about it properly? If she wanted to work things out she would have talked about it "properly" before moving out. She already moved out and says she just feels like friends. Wheres the love in that? All I'm saying is don't set your hopes too high.

Good luck though and let us know the outcome.

[whymenow?]

Thanks for replies, its true what your saying newguy, I googled this and found your thread and read it all, I hope it turns out well for you mate, the main reason I didn't move back with my parents was because of her,
And yea I suppose if she wanted to talk about it properly she should have before dropping this bomb on me.
Thanks chickie I kept my cool when she told me, I was just sat on her mums bed nearly crying while she was crying her eyes out and as soos as I walked out the door I cried like a baby haha, but I feel better now. And I'm not keeping my hopes up, I just want to know the facts so we can both move on from it and so I can learn from it and maybe better myself and be a better partner to who ever lol
How ever it turns out, I definitely won't turn round and say oh yeah lets move back in together and live happily ever after.
I just wish we didn't have a mortgage together other wise I wouldn't have been as worried about it.
And I'm sure she feels the same way.
I will just have to wait and see what happens tomorrow and I will let you guys know.

[whymenow?]

Well I'm back. I talked to her today, she said she doesn't love me as she used to. Said she doesn't feel the same way as when we were together 1st.
So as it was expected, I didn't have my hopes up, only thing is I was just so shocked about it all,so I have totatally excepted it, I apreciated her honesty but same time I didn't apreciate her just dumping me out the blue without even trying. And moving out when she doesn't have a job and have a mortgage to pay with me.
But I'm not here to try and change her mind and make her love me as I'm not weak like that and need to move on
But I'm in the middle of trying to sort this mortgage crisis out, I'm going to try and rent the property out so I can move to my brothers about 4 hours drive away and then pay the mortgage off with the rent money but this is if the mortgage lender agrees with it, or my other option is getting her to write over the mortgage and house to me, which she is currently thinking about at her mums, I would write my part of to her but she doesn't work so the lender won't do this until she's working.
So really there's only 2 options
Do I rent it out and pay the mortgage with that if the lender agrees
Or does she sign it over to me so I can still try rent it out and get her out my life and completely forget about her.
Well I am hoping she gets back to me by tonight otherwise I will ring her again because I want to sort this out asap so I can move on with my life.

[Newguy2009]

The way I see it is that you have 3 options. I don't know where you live (I assume england? You called it a flat I believe, and I don't know what the process is there) With the way the market is today this will be tough. I am going through the same thing...

1. sell the house. Split the profit(if it sells for less than you owe, then will have to split the cost of what is owed. This would be a short sale)

2. Refinance(maybe an assumption)

3. Walk away and ruin your credit

If she is on the actual loan, then you can't just sign it over (unless the loan is assumable and you qualify. I would ask this question to your lender first) Mine was assumable but I don't qualify based on my income. The only other way is to refinance.

Good luck! It's a pain in the A$$!

[amicon]

Sorry about your breakup and the mess.

If you are in the UK.get in touch with Citizens Advice Bureau,they will probably be able to tell you how to handle the mortgage situation.

Best of luck.

[whymenow?]

We have decided to see if I can sign my half over to her mum so that I can move away and forget about it all.
I have booked an apointment on Friday with the lender so we can go over and ask them to sign my name over.
Fingers crossed as I want to get away from here.
I feel quite lonely at the mo, because I don't have any family up here and the friends I have arnt best friends, they all live down where my brother lives. But I am slowly accepting it all, its very tough but I know life goes on, its just moving on that's hard when its happened so quick.
I really hope that I can move on from this,hearts and minds are amazing, their so strong yet so week, their so kind yet so cruel,all I can say is they can be crushed and ruined, and then recover and move on. But you can never forget...

[amicon]

The memories will fade though and will no longer be painful.

I hope the mortgage thing works out -good luck with that.

Keep healing,and keep moving on.