[Gemini54]

Ahh im still trying, i have talked to him about it and basically said if somthing dosent change then its not going to work between us. The thing is we are sooo in love its crazy. Im hoping the risk of losing me will make him want to change, he knows i will be there for him and no matter how long it takes i will be there. As long as things do change. The thing is, this is crazy but i love him soo much i can't imagine not being with him and the thought of not being with him upsets me. Even if we arnt having sex, maybe its worth it, i dunno, i just hope something will happen soon, its soo frustrating because there is nothing that i can do.
Also about the future thing your right, how can i think of our future, when there is a massive hole in our relationship. Everything else is perfect. we we shall see. thanks for the comments

I think that you're naïve if you think that this is JUST about him changing. You haven't see him naked, he doesn't get an erection, he won't let you touch him 'down there'. Come on, be realistic. Most guys in their 20's would be begging you to touch them or to get naked with them.

This is not about how much you love him, or whether you can live without sex. It's about him dealing with whatever his issue is.

[smoothy]

This may seem a bit blunt... but with the obvious issues this boy has... and yes he is a boy, not a man acting like this... can't you do better than him? Because I think you can. Or do you want to waste the best years of your life on someone like this who neither respects or even acknowledges that they have a problem.

One day you can easily find yourself in your 40's married to a man that hasn't improved one bit and half your life is over and all of your child bearing years... just because YOU believed you could change him..

Is that what you really want?

[Kadehadaire]

Is it possible that he has an STD? The fact that you have never even felt an erection from him is suspicious. Perhaps he has an injury. Perhaps it is a phobia. We don't really know. We could go on guessing forever. Bottom line is, if he loves you and this is truly upsetting you, you should be able to talk about it openly and honestly, together. Let him know that this is a serious issue and that it is affecting you, and that you need an honest answer.

If that fails, I would suggest trying a similar routine of treatment on him. If he wants to touch you, back away quickly. Don't let him see you naked or feel or touch you. He will soon see how terribly empty it feels.

Also, is he religious in any way? Could also be an idea about why he keeps clear of sexual activities.

Let us know how you get on. Best of luck! :)

[wow87]

I thought that I had written back, obviously not. Thanks for all of your comments, but there has been a major breakthrough. Somehow, one night it just happened and now he wants sex all the time, its ironic really. But anyway we have gotten through the issue and everything is normal and brilliant. I am very much enjoying having sex again and also he is very open to experoent and stuff, he has totally changed(for the better) its amazing. Cheers everyone

[Cat1864]

Thank you for giving us an update. :)

I am very glad that everything is working out well for both of you.

[wow87]

My boyfriend of a year and a half, told me the other night that he gets anxious all the time about my past sexual experiences. He has anxiety issues anyway, but I don't know how to solve this problem. We love each other very much, but its either break up, or he has to get over it somehow. I have slept with a lot more people than he has and he doesn't like to think about it. I am a different person since I met him and would never do some of the things I used to. I really don't know what to do, does anyone know any effective inexpensive ways, that don't involve counciling to get rid of anxiety? Any help would be appreciated thanks

[answerme_tender]

What's his anxiety over. Is it because he doesn't fill he can measure up as a lover? Is it because he thinks you are going to be unfaithful?
To be fair, If you don't want to be judge by your boyfriend on how many men you have been with prior, then don't tell them! Advise them if asked that your past relations have nothing to do with them period.
If he experiences a lot of anxiety for a variety of issues then he really needs to consult a Doctor and get some help.

[talaniman]

It would seem to me that you are making his issues yours, and he is doing nothing about them, not even communicating and relating them to you.

I think that to have a healthy relationship, you go straight to the source of your questions by asking him directly what's up, and have the good sense to back off and re evaluate this whole thing if he cannot be forthcoming with facts.

Of course something's are very hard to understand, or even harder to express to another, but you are supposed to try, or else the relationship has no way to survive.

Start talking, and get the facts. That's the only way to have a clue as to what exactly you're dealing with.

[wow87]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a half and I thought everything was going really well, until recently he said he can't stop thinking about the fact that I have slept with so many people before him. He has anxiety problems and this truggers his anxiety. It is horrible because there is nothing I can do to help. I am a different person to who I was in the past and my experiences with him are unique compaired to anyone else because I love him. A tacky one night stand can't even compare to making love with someone you love. I am worried that if he doesn't get over it we will have to break up. I really don't want to, I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him, but if he doesn't get over this issue then the anxiety will ruin our relationship anyway. Please help, what can I or he do?

[talaniman]

How did the talk go, what course of action have you decide on. Hey it took a while for the sex thing to get going, it will take a while for this too. Keep talking and working on it.

Sooner or later he is going to have to deal with himself, or get some help and guidance to help him.

[myendeavor]

My boyfriend is exactly the same! He seems to pull my hand away every time I get to the top of his leg, although he says that he does want to have sex with me on my next birthday (when I'm 21) but I think that its just down to him not being fully comfortable. Trust me, don't try and restrict him from touching you, I tried it and you end up being so sexually frustrated that you don't last three hours! Just talk to him, if he gets angry with you, then its probably for the best that you go on a break. If he understands then maybe hell talkto you about the reason he's not letting you see him naked. I tried that and it really helps/