[albadorada]

I just got registered in this web site and I want to ask you guys for help.
I am not an american citizen, I come from another country and I am in the States attending university. Since the first week I came I met this guy with whome I am engaged now. In January was the first time I met him and we were friends for 4 months, after that we started dating and became boyfriend and girlfriend, and after that, 2 months ago we got engaged. I love this guy and he loves me. I know this for sure, it can be the only thing in this world that I know for sure, we have proven that to each other in different ways. Everyday we spent together we were getting t oknow each other more and I started to find out that he as a guy has done things with girls and I was comparing this with me. I have never done anything with a guy but kissing. I always wanted to be pure and clean. He told me (because I was the one that always asked him about his past) that he has never had sex because he wanted to save that thing for his wife only but he has done 69 with girls and oral sex. The firs time I heard that I could not say anything. I just cried. It hurt me so bad. He told me that it was never good. After that I started doing stuff with him. First of all because I love him and then I alwys wanted to make him feel good like no one before. So we started doing things till we had sex. It all good we both love that and get get enough of it. We will get maried soon and we both are so excited for that. The problem that I have is that I can not forget what has happened. Even the day that he was telling me all these things he was crying with me and he was asking me to forgive him. And I told him that I forgive him and I really do but why do I think about those things over and over again? Somedays I have such a bad day and I even imagine him doing stuff with other girls. I suffer so much when I think that. It hurts me so bad. But is this all happening because I compare my selfe with him? Or maybe because I always dreamed of being with a guy that has never done anything more than kissing and that we would learn together how to please each other? I love this guy and I know that he loves me . I talked with him several times about this and he always cried with me and showed me love. I forgive him because in the end is not anything very big because where he lives and in these days what he has done is nothing for most of societies all over the world and I understand that it is a different world and I don't judge him bad for what he has done I just wish he experienced everything new with me. I am the first girl that he has ever loved and that makes me happy like never before. I am usually a very optimistic person but I have started to be pesimistic or to think too much about his past. I try to forget about it and to thing abpout all the beautiful feelings and things we have together but many times id doesn't work. What shoud I do to forget about it? Do be more positive... it hurts me really bad when I think that he has been with another girl and another one and another one... I just hate that fact. Please help me so I can feel better and try to be the best for my future husband.

[poseidon]

Hello albadorada,

A very warm welcome to this Q&A site. I hope you will stay with us and not only ask questions but answer those from others too.

With regard to your own question.

I believe you should realise that you never knew you were going to meet, fall in love with and marry this guy.

You must try to put out of your mind what he did before you both met. As they say it is all water under the bridge.

You say yourself that he and you were virgins and you lost your virginities to each other. Also that he, like you wanted to save this for the right person, you.

Be happy for that and also feel happy and respect him for his honesty with you. He could have told you that he also had done nothing more than kiss and cuddle the girls he had been seeing before you both met.

What has gone on has happened before you both met so try to accept and forget it. I feel sure that he would if the shoe was on the other foot.

You both obviously love each other so put his and your past behind you and look forward to a long and loving life and future with each other.

Because he 'experimented' with other girls before he met you by no means suggests that he will betray you after you are married.

The very longest and happiest of lives together and I hope you have the very happiest of wedding days.

Cy
(Poseidon)

[akahelleya]

I just got registered in this web site and I want to ask you guys for help.
I am not an american citizen, I come from another country and I am in the States attending university. since the first week i came i met this guy with whome I am engaged now. In january was the first time I met him and we were friends for 4 months, after that we started dating and became boyfriend and girlfriend, and after that, 2 months ago we got engaged. I love this guy and he loves me. I know this for sure, it can be the only thing in this world that I know for sure, we have proven that to each other in different ways. everyday we spent together we were getting t oknow each other more and I started to find out that he as a guy has done things with girls and I was comparing this with me. I have never done anything with a guy but kissing. I always wanted to be pure and clean. he told me (because I was the one that always asked him about his past) that he has never had sex because he wanted to save that thing for his wife only but he has done 69 with girls and oral sex. the firs time I heard that I could not say anything. i just cried. it hurt me so bad. he told me that it was never good. after that I started doing stuff with him. first of all because I love him and then I alwys wanted to make him feel good like no one before. so we started doing things till we had sex. it all good we both love that and get get enough of it. we will get maried soon and we both are so excited for that. the problem that i have is that i can not forget what has hapened. even the day that he was telling me all these things he was crying with me and he was asking me to forgive him. and i told him that i forgive him and i really do but why do I think about those things over and over again? somedays I have such a bad day and I even imagin him doing stuff with other girls. I suffer so much when i think that. it hurts me so bad. but is this all happening because I compare my selfe with him? or maybe because i always dreamed of being with a guy that has never done anything more than kissing and that we would learn together how to please each other? I love this guy and i know that he loves me . i talked with him several times about this and he always cried with me and showed me love. I forgive him because in the end is not anything very big because where he lives and in these days what he has done is nothing for most of societies all over the world and I understand that it is a different world and i dont judge him bad for what he has done i just wish he experienced everything new with me. i am the first girl that he has ever loved and that makes me happy like never before. I am usually a very optimistic person but i have started to be pesimistic or to think to much about his past. i try to forget about it and to thing abpout all the beautiful feelings and things we have toghether but many times id doesnt work. what shoud i do to forget about it? do be more positive... it hurts me really bad when i think that he has been with another girl and another one and another one... i just hate that fact. please help me so i can feel better and try to be the best for my future husband.

The very old saying, "Forgive & Forget" is the best solution of your problem however it is not that easy to practice. Since it is a matter of two lives, with efforts it should be possible to practice.
Best of luck.

[s_cianci]

Despite his past, it doesn't sound like the two of you have much of a problem as a couple. You seem to communicate well and be generally compatible. That said, I think you should just leave the past where it is ; in the past. It doesn't sound like you have any reason to doubt or mistrust him so why worry about it? Just about anyone you meet at your age is going to come with some sort of "past." That's not necessarily a nice thing but in our society, if you want someone without a "past", you'd better plan on getting engaged at 12 years old and remaining faithful!

[talaniman]

For whatever reasons you are having these thoughts , you must try and let them go, or you will ruin the good thing you already have with your b/f. I suspect if you don't make it a big deal, then gradually as you accept his past they will be less troubling to you. Stay positive and let time ease the pain.