[Jake2008]

I think you're reading far too much into this! It sounds to me like he wants to show you off, and you'd look good in a black dress and black tights.

If you don't like it, wear a red dress and green tights and orange shoes.

Go out and have fun- he's taking you out not someone else. I think your friend's comment about this being 'outrageous', is outrageous!

[sully123]

I wouldn't read into and jump to conclusions. I honestly think it's a innocent. Probably saw a female with the black dress and tights and thought it was nice. He probably thinks you would look nice . So make him happy and wear it. You have nothing too lose.

[amicon]

This must be the guy from your 2009 threads.

It seems its more to do with your own insecurities than anything else.

There is nothing wrong with what he said,so I think you are overreacting.

I ,too,find your friends comment out of order.

[talaniman]

Boy, you seem to get quite carried away without any facts, and to make it worse, you convince yourself its okay to be mad about it. That's outrageous, so stop it!

[fuzzypeach101]

Thanks for your help guys... we have disucussed it, and he made is point clear, and we have sorted things. After a calm down, I agreed I took it a bit far, but perhaps first thing before hello was not appropriate!

[fuzzypeach101]

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. All is generally spot on, and since my last post things have improved drastically until recently...

He still works shifts, and we manage great as I am still a student, so any spare time I do my work, or see my friends. My main issue now is that my boyfriend is just so weak. Everything is an effort, he's always tired, always run down, always saying he feels emotionally weak and drained.

Don't get me wrong, I am sure many would agree shift work is a killer etc. I wouldn't mind, but if he's on nights he sleeps on and off from 8am to 6pm, which is double the amount of sleep I get in any one night.

I just feel like it's a constant battle, as yes I get tired, I have tonnes of work for my MSc, I have many sleepless nights and I just PLOD ON with life. It just annoys me that he cannot do the same! I sometimes feel like he brings me down with me, in the sense that he never seems to be happy, always moaning, always going on about how weak he is etc. I sort of feel as if I'm dating a pathetic female at times, its that's bad. He just doesn't act manly about this situation at all.

I love him to pieces and I try to keep him positive, try to subtly say well you have had a decent sleep. Tell him to keep going, encourage him, praise him all the time. However he just reverts back to his miserable old self.

I just don't know how to deal with it anymore. If I tell him how I feel I just get a mouthful on how I don't realise how bad shift work is, and how I am unsupportive etc etc. What worries me is if we were to have kids in the distance future (not plans now! ) then how would he ever cope then? I don't want to finish him, but I don't want to drag myself down so low either, but its mentally effecting me, in the sense that I can't be all happy happy when he is so down and low?

[slapshot_oi]

Logically, the only two possibilities are he gets another job that won't turn him into such a buzzkill, or you move on.

Would you say the fact that your in a Masters program and the work you put into it while still keeping a positive attitude is causing you to have a prejudiced opinion of your boyfriend?

[JulietHeart]

Not everyone can take on the same load and carry it all the same...
He just might not be able to take on as much as you can...

Its not a huge problem, stick it out without complaining, people go through times like this...
I bet he will get over it in due time.

Just remain supportive and not criticize because criticizing his behavior won't solve anything.

[talaniman]

After merging your threads are we seeing a pattern? When things go less than great you get emotionally carried away, and somehow take things a bit to personal. Maybe your workload, fears and insecurities combine to stress you out, and see things in the worse possible light. How you cope with the valleys of life is as important as enjoying the high points, but personal stress relief is what you seem to need as stress brings out some bad traits in you.

Its does us all that way, but as we get older we cope with our stresses with more effective means. Find one that works for you. Google personal stress relief.

[talaniman]

fuzzypeach101 finds this helpful : I admit, as mentioned above I do stress, but I certainly don't take it out on my boyfriend the way he takes his out on me. I think I'm thinking more long term and the impacts of his 10+ hours sleep (and still being tired) and the consequences this would have on the future.

Deal with YOUR stress first, and maybe you will see a way to deal with his grumpy whiny self. He is who he is, you can't change him, but you can deal with him. If NOT, then you have no future. That's your key though, the way you deal with him. He is who he is, and if he needs to vent to feel better, why take it personally, or even feel bad?

He is working, and you are working on your masters degree, he leaves for work, you are home working. He has responsibility for house, and home and it can't be bad if you can go to school, and progress your future. I assume you have no job, and correct me if I am wrong, but it seems you could be grateful for the chance to focus, on school, while he works for you both.

My whole point is that you can make choices, and make adjustments, that benefit you both, in the way you deal with each other, recognizing that you can't adjust him, only yourself. If he chooses to be grumpy, and negative, and tired and weak, do you have to be? If you don't want to give him compliments, and reassurances, then don't, if he brings you down, if you cannot work on these areas through communications, then what's the point? Why be miserable.

No you don't understand his feelings, maybe not now, but if you don't want to find out what makes him tick, then you will never know. That would be love, being willing to work to meet challenges. This is but the first hard one that needs a solution, and it will take time.

Will he be on shift work forever? I doubt it, but know from experience it may take years to make the right adjustments for you both to deal with. For now just handle your own stress, and keep talking, and looking for a solution that works, and you will eventually find one, but don't be discouraged because you haven't yet. That's what defines a committed couple, do they quit in the middle of adversity? Or does adversity make them more determined to stick by each other.