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liz28 · May 27, 2009, 09:05 PM

Originally Posted by mk18

Thank you for your advice. i know i have to leave him. i know. its just difficult because so much of who i am today is formed around him. he loves me, i know, but his love is only selfish. i just wish none of this would have happened

I am glad you know you have to leave him and I hope you do.

You have a bright future ahead you and life goes on. Go to college and have fun. This guy is no good and he will only make your life miserable and he can't be trusted.

Never let someone be your everything and never let your feelings interfere with your common sense.

Now pick a college and go and explore. He isn't the only guy in the world there are others that would cherish you.

Gemini54 · May 27, 2009, 09:06 PM

Originally Posted by mk18

Thank you for your advice. i know i have to leave him. i know. its just difficult because so much of who i am today is formed around him. he loves me, i know, but his love is only selfish. i just wish none of this would have happened

It is an awful thing to happen - but remember, this is not really love. Love is respect, trust, loyalty and connection (to name a few things). Your BF demonstrated none of these.

You will be stronger for this experience - and you'll certainly be smarter.

dreamingartist · May 27, 2009, 09:07 PM

Marriages don't work when its 50/50. They only work when its 100/100. You have to fully commit to him and give him 100% of yourself for it to work. And likewise he has to commit to you 100% and give you his all. A real man would think about you on EVERYTHING he does. Regardless if you are in the know or not. Your boyfriend texting a 15 year old his penis, I believe that is illegal. Also your sister is guilty of child pornography and so is your boyfriend for receiving the texts. He is also endangering a minor and attempting to have sexual relationship with a minor which is again, illegal.

Now, you were his first girlfriend and he was your first boyfriend. God has a greater plan for you than this. You date to find out what you want and what you don't want. You don't date the first guy and struggle to make it work. It's going to be really hard to let him go, and you are going to feel crappy, sad and lonely at times, and it's so much easier to just be with him and feel good (for the moment). But the next text message, or sexual escapade with an X or whatever, you are right back to feeling horrible. I would rather cut my losses with him and go no contact and heal then subject myself to the random torture. I was with my first for a LONG time, and I stayed with her because I didn't want my time I invested with her to be wasted... It took me a long time to realize that whether I am with her or not, my time was not wasted. I learned what I DON'T want, and I learned what I do want.

mk18 · May 27, 2009, 09:25 PM

Over the past year, he has really tried to be right, I know. He changed his number so none of his ex girlfriends could contact him, erased all his internet Facebook and etc, told the girl from our town to stop contacting, and even quit his job and move out of state to give me time to make sure I loved him and wasn't being manipulated or pressured or etc. then this happened. He says it was a mistake and he was weak in his christianity or whatever so he couldn't resist. That may be true, but I am beginning to realize that if that is what is him (the ability to talk to my sister that way), and his faith only masks it, then my entire life will be characterized by episodes like this. People cannot be anything other than who they are, and this, apparently, is what he is. So thank you all for your support! I was having a hard time listening to my family, since they haven't liked him from the beginning,

liz28 · May 27, 2009, 09:33 PM

Again, your welcome! Sometimes you need an outsider point of view to open your eyes.

Believe me when I say "You just dodge a big bullet."

ajGambino · May 27, 2009, 09:38 PM

Originally Posted by mk18

i just wish none of this would have happened

You will get through this, he is no good. There's a lot of things that we wish never happened, but give it time and space to set yourself back down to reality. Hang in there and stay strong for yourself. Right now you wish this never happened, but one day you will look back and be glad it happened, because you'll be so far away from him and his selfish ways. I know you can do it, work hard missy.

papili · May 28, 2009, 12:39 AM

My dear,
I can tell from your reasoning that you are a bright person. With your sister? And as put it its not like the first time to do it. I do not think your body is the problem, nor do I think that after you get married things will be better, no. things will be worse. Because he will cheat on you and might even infect you with an STD. I think he crossed the line, flirting with your sister. You can't change your relationship ties with your sister because she will remain your sister. But you can change this man. He doesn't love you, and doesn't respect you. He is just taking advantage of your kindness. You do need such a guy. You don't have to be tall, short, slim or otherwise for anyone to love you back. Because love is about who you are and what you mean to each other. So he is not the guy for you. Leave him.

With your sister? Leave him my dear. He is taking you for a ride and don't marry him. Wait for the one who will never look at another woman lustfully.be it your sister, or some stranger from MO. Because the will see just you.

Someone is out there for you.

glimmerkitty · Nov 12, 2010, 04:01 AM

It is hard to understand why he would be doing this. There really is no good reason, and it is very wrong. You have started early with trust issues, and if he can't be trusted now, he probably won't be able to be trusted in the future. It's especially strange that he texts your sister, and in such a manner... it is inexcusable. If you get married you will surely have similar problems for years to come and at that point it will be much much harder to get out... mentally and physically. The emotional turmoil is horrible.

glimmerkitty · Nov 12, 2010, 04:05 AM

I forgot to mention the things you said about your body. Your body has nothing to do with it. If he truly loved you, he would never care that your boobies are a little smaller than your sister's, or anybody's, or how much you weigh, the color of your hair, etc. I totally understand, because I have been a bulimarexic for 30 long years, and have blamed every problem on the fact that I'm not thin enough. You have to realize that you are a good person, you are doing nothing wrong... HE is... and that you should value yourself more than that. You deserve much more. There is someone else in this big world who will love you for who you are.