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mjm · Oct 2, 2006, 07:59 AM

Hello everyone. I am new here and am looking for some advice or insight into my relationship. I am 46 yrs old and have been with a girl who is 34 yrs old now for 2 yrs. I love her more than I have ever loved anyone and I show her this in every way possibe. Previously to her I have only had one relationship where I loved someone else which lasted 2 yrs. I have been with many other women but they didn't mean much to me. The girl I am with now, I really love. The problem is that I have been with other girls without going the whole way since I have been with my parnter. She has found out about this and we are having major problems. She doesn't understand that they mean nothing to me. I have not had sex with them. We have just played around. Kissing, playing with bodies etc. I hate what I do and I feel bad. She is now leaving me. How do I stop this. I have been doing it as long as I remember. I love her so much and don't want to lose her. She is so good to me and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

Wildcat21 · Oct 2, 2006, 08:03 AM

Sorry Dude - that's cheating. End of story - no justification.

If I were her I'd end it now.

"i love her more than i have ever loved anyone and i show her this in every way possibe." - Big problem - but I don't believe it.

I'd leave you as well - I'd tell her to leave you.

Once a cheater - always a cheater.

She needs to move on.

goldnugget · Oct 2, 2006, 08:22 AM

Totally agree with wildcat. Been there. Sounds like at 46 years old you need to find yourself. Don't hurt her anymore.

Wildcat21 · Oct 2, 2006, 08:29 AM

I've been there as well... gal wanted to date other guys, but promised only fooling around - how nice. Obviously not with her after that - that was a few years ago - she obviously didn't get it at all. She was screwed in the head - couldn't comprehend some things due to a bad upbringing - it was sad.

goldnugget · Oct 2, 2006, 08:38 AM

I don't know if this stuff has to do with a bad upbringing wildcat. My ex parter, who I recently separated from, came from a wonderful home etc, etc. he had a lot of flings but never a proper relationship... his family is wonderful. I am from australia and he was an elite athlete in his day. He had an addiction to being masturbated by women. I will never understand it but a bad up bringing had nothing to do with him being an arsehole. That's why I am telling mjm to just leave her alone to get on with her life. I started shattered and am now angry so I sorry if I seem like a nutter

Wildcat21 · Oct 2, 2006, 10:47 AM

I bet a lot of money you don't know all about his up bringing. I know it'snot always the case but it's about 95% of the time. Someone, somewhere got to him where he felt it was OK to do this stuff... which it isn't in a relationship.

Skell · Oct 2, 2006, 05:16 PM

If you love someone so much then why do you feel the need to fool around with others? I am really confused. You obviously aren't getting something that you need out of her so are going elsewhere and cheating.
Not good.
I can understand why she doesn't want to be with you. Surely you can as well. She should leave you and never look back IMO.
Sorry but can't offer anything more!

s_cianci · Oct 2, 2006, 05:48 PM

Well if you really love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her then you've got to forsake all others. Try talking with her and see if you can reassure her that you'll be faithful from now on. You may have already lost her ; your behavior crossed the line and she may not be willing to give you another chance. But try talking with her and show her by your actions in NOT doing the things you were previously doing.

Krs · Oct 3, 2006, 12:54 AM

Originally Posted by mjm

hello everyone. i am new here and am looking for some advice or insight into my relationship. i am 46 yrs old and have been with a girl who is 34 yrs old now for 2 yrs. i love her more than i have ever loved anyone and i show her this in every way possibe. previously to her i have only had one relationship where i loved someone else which lasted 2 yrs. i have been with many other women but they didn't mean much to me. the girl i am with now, i really love. the problem is that i have been with other girls without going the whole way since i have been with my parnter. she has found out about this and we are having major problems. she doesn't understand that they mean nothing to me. i have not had sex with them. we have just played around. kissing, playing with bodies etc. i hate what i do and i feel bad. she is now leaving me. how do i stop this. i have been doing it as long as i remember. i love her so much and don't want to lose her. she is so good to me and i want to spend the rest of my life with her.

Well...
Don't feel sorry for yourself you caused all of this on yourself... your actions speak louder than words!! :cool:

In a women's eyes (and prob in a mans eyes too) it doesn't have to be in sexual nature to call it cheating, you still went behind her back and betrayed her trust.
How would you like it if you found out she has NOT had sex with another guy but she kissed him, fondled him, playing with bodies etc... would you like that? How would you like to find out she did that to you? :eek:

Dude, I'm sorry but you can't LOVE her as much as you admit to do, you are losing her and its all all your fault.

Im :eek: actually, sorry if this is blunt but at 46 I thought you'd know better.
Im 27 and I consider what you do cheating. FULL STOP.
No excuses needed!!

Sort it out or will lose her completely.

talaniman · Oct 3, 2006, 06:24 AM

Stop lying to yourself and justifying your actions as harmless fun. You have been unfaithful and betrayed your g/f's trust and if she were to ask me, I would have to tell her to leave you alone now and forever. Do you really think she will forgive you and trust you again? Do you think she is already hurt enough by your selfish actions? At 46 I can't believe you didn't know better.

Wildcat21 · Oct 3, 2006, 09:05 AM

Notice how the folks who are doing things wrong never post agan. They come hre hoping gsomeoen tels them they are right. I wish these jokers would post. There should be some rule.

BIM · Oct 3, 2006, 09:49 AM

I have to agree with ALL of the posts. You lost her! You tell her you kiss and fondel other women, but they don't mean anything to you! :mad: Errrrrrrrrrr!! I wouldn't be with you either.

I suggest you move on and let your girlfriend (ex) have someone that will treat her they way she should be treated.

BIM · Oct 3, 2006, 09:53 AM

Holy Crap---The more I read this the more pi$$ed I get. She treats you well and you love her more than any other women - sounds like a bunch of bull to me. Are you trying to get sympathy from people - because you won't get any here.

If you loved her like you said you did, you wouldn't have done what you did.

Krs · Oct 4, 2006, 12:32 AM

I doubt we will see a reply from this dude!!
Yest I saw that he signed on - probably read all our posts and as wildcat said saw that it wasn't on a positive note and signed back out immediately...

talaniman · Oct 4, 2006, 04:25 AM

What kind of help could he possibly want? Do we have a forum about miracle workers?

BIM · Oct 4, 2006, 06:36 AM

Maybe he needs the "Men In Black" pen. Where you point it towards their face, click the button, and it erases their memory.

COOL! I could have used that for all of my screw ups. :D

We all live and learn.

mjm · Oct 4, 2006, 07:31 AM

Hello again and I have read all of your responses. I am not pissed off and I know what I did was wrong. I don't know why I do it but I do know that I love her and want to make it work with her. I have done this sort of thing all of my adult life and I'm not sure how to stop it. She really is the girl I want to be with forever but I think I have screwed it up bigtime. I would seek counselling etc together but she is not having any of it. I want to change and I know I can. Please don't judge me. I am looking for help. I love her.

Krs · Oct 4, 2006, 07:33 AM

He's back :)

Why not seek counselling alone? Its you really who has this problem not your girl.

mjm · Oct 4, 2006, 07:43 AM

I have actually started seeing a psychologist alone krs. I have only had one appointment but I'm doing it. I miss my girlfriend so much and was actually planning to ask her to marry me at christmas time. Those girls meant nothing to me and I always kept sex for my girlfriend. I suppose at the time I justified my behaviour but I know I was wrong. I am asking anyone if they know how I can get her trust back because she is the most important person in the world to me. I love her.

Krs · Oct 4, 2006, 07:46 AM

People forgive but they dont forget

You can try your hardest and beg for forgiveness and u never know she may just do so, BUT we don't forget as easy now do we.. that's where the problem is.