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bswc · Apr 28, 2009, 06:30 PM

Hi, I've been along with my girlfriend for roughly 4 years since she's 14. She's rather shy, but turned to someone cheerful and fun these years. Around 2 yrs since our relaionships our feelings started to decrease due to that she suspect I had a crush on another girl, she broke up with me without thinking much and I got her back by showing that I ain't no interest with other girls at all. These few weeks she has been busy taking care of her studies in high school, taking care of her sick mother and mostly doing house chores while I just stay at home looking for a part time job while waiting for my university intake. We only get to mee each other once or twice a week at church. Last week, her mother wanted to go to another church so I couldn't see her after a week. We were texting and she took slightly longer to reply and comes down with short replies which seems like a problem coming. UNEXPECTEDLY, our relationship has been nice until on the next day( monday) she sent me a message saying that we're very suitable as friends, we can be very very good friends and if I like her I would wait for her and give her some personal space... I was so shock! I couldn't accept that coming when my love towards her is deeper and deeper on that month. She was still calling me, showing her love towards me the week ago... I wasn't satisfied with her reason to break up, so I tried to call her up, it took lots of way to get her to reply her my message and pick up my call. She said she couldn't like 2 guys at the same time. She's starting to have feeling towards a guy through texting for just ONE WEEK! She admit that the guy was sweet and caring. I told her that it is just a temporary switching of targets in between relationships that she must not fall into the sweet phrases or words the guy use! HELP ME, she asked me to wait, today is Wednesday, I'm trying to ask her out on Friday but in just 1 day she changed her attitude towards me.. she said she still likes me. Should I just give her space and maybe end up falling in love with the other guy she mentioned or should I do something...

ibrown · Apr 28, 2009, 11:25 PM

Well it sounds like she has a lot on her plate plus you are still young.So you shoud give her space and if it's meant trust it will be.Just pray and continue on wth life and take time to get to know yourself!

Gemini54 · Apr 29, 2009, 12:37 AM

Well, I think that she's being really honest with you.

She wants to be friends.
She wants space.
She likes another guy.

She's 14 (I have no idea how old you are, but if you're going to Univ you must be older), you've been together since she was 10 - isn't it about time she spread her wings a little?

You can't hold on to someone or something that wants to be free - let her go so that you can both meet some other people and experience some new things.

You need to hear and accept what she is telling you. Let her go.

bswc · Apr 29, 2009, 02:11 AM

Sorry for the unclear infos. My GF is now 18 yrs old, I am now 19 years old.. It was all in a sudden! It is just like comparing to mom and son, one day your mom tells you that she wouldn't want to be your mother anymore.. She asked me to wait, but what am I waiting for?

Gemini54 · Apr 29, 2009, 04:28 PM

Originally Posted by bswc

Sorry for the unclear infos. My GF is now 18 yrs old, i am now 19 years old.. It was all in a sudden! It is just like comparing to mom and son, one day your mom tells u that she wouldn't want to be your mother anymore.. She asked me to wait, but what am i waiting for??

Well, I don't think it's quite like mother and son, but I understand what you're trying to say. I'm glad to hear that you're older. I still repeat what I said before, you can't hold on to something that wants to be free. Be brave, be a man, let her go.

"If you love someone, let them go. If they return to you, it was meant to be. If they don't, their love was never yours to begin with."

BlackVY · Apr 29, 2009, 04:35 PM

Dude... this is not a good situation to be in and I sympathize with you, but what advice people are giving on here are right. You need to let her decide for herself who she wants to be with.

If you give her space, and she does fall for the other guy, then you know her feelings for you weren't as strong as yours are for her. It wouldn't have been right for you to date someone who doesn't feel the same way about you.

It seems like you have very strong feelings towards her, but you need to calm down and spend some time with yourself, and with God. He has a plan for your life, and if this girl is meant to be with you, God will speak to her and show her you are the right choice, but if you crowd her and not give her space, she will not have time to think and pray, she will just act, and she may not choose to be with you that way.

So in my opinion, give her space, let her make her choice, and with whatever she decides, respect her decision, understand that it is her decision to make and trust that God has His plan for both of you.

God bless. Peace

bswc · Apr 29, 2009, 09:17 PM

Thank you lord, thanks for your advices. We've been planning our futures together, growing up at the same church, same school, just different years. We're planning to move in to the culinary field together, I'm searching for a UNI or college to attend through her support, but now I'm stuck in the middle of no where... Thinking of all the support that I had, all the reason I wanted culinary ( both me and her)...

BlackVY · Apr 29, 2009, 09:23 PM

You need to find yourself again...

I fell into the trap of basing my whole life around 1 girl, 1 relationship that I thought was perfect, a girl I thought was the 1 God wanted me to be with.

That was a mistake. Instead, base your life on God. He never changes, He never leaves, He never needs space and He never leaves you hanging.

Talk to God, ask Him what He wants you to do, where He wants you to go. He will support you all the way and He will never let you get lost.

talaniman · Apr 29, 2009, 09:31 PM

Your shy 14 year old, has grown up and wants to spread her wings. That means you better find other things to do with your time. Let her explore the world, since you can't stop her without being foolish.

bswc · Apr 30, 2009, 09:37 AM

In case she contacted me, what should I do? I understand the NO CONTACT move.. but what next when she asked me to wait?

BlackVY · Apr 30, 2009, 03:20 PM

Originally Posted by bswc

In case she contacted me, what should i do? I understand the NO CONTACT move.. but what next when she asked me to wait?

My guess is you just wait...

Its your choice... but you have to do what's best for you too in this case... you can't just wait around for her forever, you will eventually have to move on and find someone else, but only when you are comfortable.

Don't go after any girl just to get over this one...

bswc · Apr 30, 2009, 08:13 PM

I'm confused..
1. She asked for a break up
2. She wants us to be friends.
3. She said we may be good friends
4. She said she feel me as a very very good friends and 1 week before its still in "I love you" situation.
5. She asked me to wait
6. She doesn't wan to contact me since she needs space.
7. What's a very good friend that she mean if she doesn't even treat me like one?
8. She made me an option with another stranger, what's the spacing I give her for?

BlackVY · Apr 30, 2009, 09:06 PM

Maybe she wanted time to sort herself out...

Maybe she wanted space so you could get over her a little.. maybe she thought the less contact with u she had, the more you'd be able to move on, or think about her less.

Maybe she didn't want to crush you right away by saying "forget it, its over, there is no chance" so she said to wait.

Maybe she asked you to wait because she does wan to be with you, but she needs to sort herself out and get her feelings in order.

Lots of possibilities, but we can't be sure of anything right now. At the moment, just give her the time she needs and her reason for asking for a break and space and wanting you to wait, will all be revealed. Patience my friend... give it time... and concentrate on other things now. Don't dwell on this as it does not help the situation and doesn't help you.

talaniman · Apr 30, 2009, 09:25 PM

Originally Posted by bswc

I'm confused..
1. She asked for a break up
Give it to her and have a good time with your friends
2. She wants us to be friends.
Is that what you want? Of course not.
3. She said we may be good friends
Of course you can, and she is free to enjoy her new found freedom..........without worrying about how it makes you feel.
4. She said she feel me as a very very good friends and 1 week b4 its still in "I love you" situation.
Whatever it was, has changed her mind real quick, hasn't it?? Must be pretty good to dump you for it.
5. She asked me to wait
And your so well trained you will wait, huh? Puppies do the wait on command, Real Men, don't. Which are you?
6. She doesn't wan to contact me since she needs space.
Good, dissapear from her life, and get your own. Thats really simple, and the best part is, you keep your dignity and self respect.
7. What's a very good friend that she mean if she doesn't even treat me like one?
Thats another good reason to vanish in thin air, and build your own life without her in it.
8. She made me an option with another stranger, what's the spacing i give her for?
Thats just in case she gets her heart broken, she will have her very best friend to comfort her so she can feel better and go back and explore her life.

Get real guy, the only confusion is when you do, as she tells you to do.

bswc · May 2, 2009, 12:04 AM

I've just got a text from her : Hi fren, how are you?
I didn't reply, but I wanted to know what's on her mind...

bswc · May 2, 2009, 12:36 AM

She called me, I didn't answer up, but I read the threat about NC and unless she contacted u, don't do so. I called her, and she called back. She said she's happy that I picked up her call. She thought I wouldn't want to pick up her call, be her friend. She asked me what I did these days, I told her I went shopping, talk walks alone, listen to songs. AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HH!

talaniman · May 2, 2009, 01:54 AM

Start over from the beginning. No more contact with her.

bswc · May 2, 2009, 11:55 PM

There are still chances of us getting back together, but I'm afraid NC might screw it up. Its ridiculous since she called me friend after one week. She spoke in the same tone of voice when we were in love, soft and with little shyness. Just the voice. She feels for me I know, should I make it clear with her that I wanted her back but I couldn't contact her unless she changes her mind or just leave it so and most probably end up with her feelings fading after time...

talaniman · May 3, 2009, 06:50 AM

I understand your confusion, I really do. Let me clear up one point for you. No Contact is not a tool to get the ex back. Its for you to heal your wounds from a break up.

As long as you are unable to make a decision for yourself, you will be confused. Your waiting for her to make a decision, and in the meantime your in limbo.

That's the sad part as I see it, waiting for some one who is confused to make a decision about your happiness. No one deserves that burden. And no one deserves the games, drama, and false hope that comes with a break up.

So it really comes down to what you do about your situation, and I can only advise you cope with your feelings and see the facts and not just your feelings and make a good decision for yourself.

Do you want to be happy, or be with her and be confused? I doubt you can get both, so make a choice and get the blessings for it, or pay the consequences. Its up to you, not her.

bswc · May 6, 2009, 07:46 PM

Updates.

I know my Ex still has feelings towards me. She said she feels like I'm a family member, a best friend of her but just missing out the feeling of couple. That's *In Love excitement* I think.

Now, I want to get her back before her feeling fades or

Should I?
a) stop being even friends and start all over next time or maybe there's no next time( which I don't prefer)
b) being friends with her and gradually seeing someone who loved you slowly fade away in feelings? Because I don't see a chance where we can get back together through being friends.