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Romefalls19 · Apr 30, 2009, 05:30 AM

It only happened once because your parents didn't allow it to happen again, good for them! He would do it again, I've never heard of someone who told me "my boyfriend hit me, but he never has again" Take a look at statistics as well, they defend my point of view. Also, did you know that children growing up in a house where abuse is present are 3x more likely to abuse someone else? This great guy could not only screw up your life and your child's, but someone else's as well. It's a vicious pattern that doesn't stop. I suggest you do get some help dealing with this, you have a child to live for, so pick yourself up and start living your life for your kid if you won't do it for yourself.

liz28 · Apr 30, 2009, 06:00 AM

Get your life in order, without him, and everything else will fall in place.

Luckily you are getting child support because some mothers don't. You only have one child you can make it. I have a friend that is a single mother of 3 and she does it all without the help of the child father. The sad part to her story is that he lives in her neighborhood. But she is strong cookie and I have to give her credit.

Is it sad when a guy turn his back on his child? Yes, but in end the so-called father losing out. You can force someone to be a dad let alone spend time with their child. A judge can't even enforce this. You just have to your child's everything and show him love and just be there. Kids have a way of remember the things you do with them over anything else.

In time you will meet a guy that will accept you and your son. If they can't then move on but never say never or this isn't possible. I will soon be getting married to a wonderful guy that accepts me and my daughter. He treats her like his own and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Stay strong and sometimes things are a blessings in disguise. Your son doesn't need a disappearing dad, or a seasonal dad this does more harm then good. You can be his mom and dad.

nicolerocks711 · Apr 30, 2009, 10:22 AM

chuff- I didn't say he was a great guy for what he is doing now. I'm saying how he was at the beginning, like 2 1/2 years ago now, he was fine. I was saying if he would just go back to that then I think everything would be fine.

talaniman · Apr 30, 2009, 10:42 AM

That's some wishful thinking.

chuff · Apr 30, 2009, 11:26 AM

Originally Posted by nicolerocks711

chuff- I didn't say he was a great guy for what he is doing now. I'm saying how he was at the beginning, like 2 1/2 years ago now, he was fine. I was saying if he would just go back to that then I think everything would be fine.

Two and half years ago when he didn't have any responsibilities and before your parents took his lazy a$$ in? You lied to yourself about who he was and what he was.

Please don't think you can out smart me when it comes to seeing the truth. Please don't think you are going to assume a victim mentality and make excuses for his behavior because you didn't know the real him. I know the difference between and man and a little p*ssy b!tch, and you boy is p*ssy if I've ever seen one.

He's a low life. He always was a low life. You just refused to see that side of him. You are surrounded by some great people. Your parents took you and the baby in when many would not. You have some good people to look up to, to be around, why do you choose to ignore that and want the one guy that won't even see his own child? He was always like this, you just refused to acknowledge it. Now you justify with stupid comments like "No guy wants to date a girl with a kid." Pure BS. I've dated girls with kids. My longest relationship ever involved a woman with a little girl. I went out with a girl about a year ago that had a son, and in fact our very first date was me taking both of them out to Chuck E Cheese. Guess what I never smacked her around either. I'd love to say I'm something special for that, I'm one of millions of guys that have dated girls with kids and not even thought twice about it.

There are no excuses with me for that behavior. You can try and paint him as something else, but we all see the truth. Join us because we all want you to be well and not suffer for this loser.

Survivor07 · Apr 30, 2009, 03:10 PM

Originally Posted by liz28

Get your life in order, without him, and everything else will fall in place.

Luckily you are getting child support because some mothers don't. You only have one child you can make it. I have a friend that is a single mother of 3 and she does it all without the help of the child father. The sad part to her story is that he lives in her neighborhood. But she is strong cookie and I have to give her credit.

Is it sad when a guy turn his back on his child? Yes, but in end the so-called father losing out. You can force someone to be a dad let alone spend time with their child. A judge can't even enforce this. You just have to your child's everything and show him love and just be there. Kids have a way of remember the things you do with them over anything else.

In time you will meet a guy that will accept you and your son. If they can't then move on but never say never or this isn't possible. I will soon be getting married to a wonderful guy that accepts me and my daughter. He treats her like his own and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Stay strong and sometimes things are a blessings in disguise. Your son doesn't need a disappearing dad, or a seasonal dad this does more harm then good. You can be his mom and dad.

Had to spread rep. good answer and congrats on your upcoming wedding!

It is so true that hard times are blessings in disguise. This guy being out of her life is better than winning the lottery. She just doesn't see it.

It is also so true that a situation where a dad drops in and out of a child's life is much worse than a dad who is just gone. I know that from experience with my own child and in talking with a counselor.

When you said she can be his mom and dad... I smiled remembering last Father's Day where the class at my daughter's daycare made Father's Day gifts and she made one, too. Her teacher asked if she was going to give it to an uncle or a grandfather. She said, "I'm giving it to Mommy. She is my mommy and my daddy." Kids know.

nicolerocks711 · May 5, 2009, 06:48 PM

25 days no contact w/ ex. We broke up 1-2 years ago depending on timeline. My ex refuses to talk to me and my one friend told me she texted him today. If she is telling me the truth, it is all small talk crap. I told her joking that I didn't want her talking to him and she said she texted him because she was bored. My ex won't talk to me, but he's talking to her? How can I make my friend go no contact w/ him as well lol.

Triysle · May 5, 2009, 06:55 PM

You can't make her go no contact, because you can't control her actions or her feelings. You can (and should) ask her not mention the ex at all, and you should not be asking about your ex either. And if she really is a "mutual" friend (implying that she was friends with both of you) then you shouldn't want to control her interactions with the ex.

I think it's selfish to ask her to lose one friend just to pick you. If that's what you need, then you must still be blaming others and holding on to the past instead of accepting yourself and moving on.

~ Tee

nicolerocks711 · May 5, 2009, 06:57 PM

She is a mutual friend. She was friends with him first, but she is a lot closer to me now.

Triysle · May 5, 2009, 07:03 PM

Originally Posted by nicolerocks711

She is a mutual friend. She was friends with him first, but she is a lot closer to me now.

I have a feeling that you are holding on the her as a friend because you want to indirectly learn about your ex and try to figure things out. I totally understand your curiosity, too. However, even if you say that you don't want anything more with him, the fact that you want to know anything about him shows that you still have even just a slight bit of hope.

If he didn't take the time to communicate how he felt to you, then he isn't worth you waiting around on him. That's a problem that he has to deal with on his own, and it shouldn't matter to you since obviously it didn't matter enough to him to try and work on it.

Let him go and get on with your life. Let your friend talk to him if she wants, but don't ask about him and don't let her talk about him. Seriously.

~ Tee

nicolerocks711 · May 5, 2009, 07:05 PM

I know, I know

Triysle · May 5, 2009, 07:09 PM

Originally Posted by nicolerocks711

i know, i know

Then why did you post here, if you already knew? ;)

~ Tee

nicolerocks711 · May 5, 2009, 07:25 PM

Oh don't you start lol

nikosmom · May 5, 2009, 07:30 PM

If she was friends with him first then it's not fair of you to ask her to stop being friends with him.

Just ask her to not mention him to you. It's obvious that you're still hurting some over this but you can't control your friend.

If she's a real friend, she'll respect your feelings.

Romefalls19 · May 6, 2009, 05:24 AM

This is why on the no contact rules and FAQ page I posted, I put "no mutual friends" It creates too much stress and drama and confusion.

kctiger · May 6, 2009, 05:33 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

This is why on the no contact rules and FAQ page I posted, I put "no mutual friends" It creates too much stress and drama and confusion.

And it is a hard road to tow, for sure. One of my BEST friends is dating my ex's room mate. No sweat off my back, however. Once you are past all the BS drama that comes with a break up, you don't care whatsoever about your ex, what she does, who she is with, etc. Even before I had moved on, my friend knew NOT to talk about the ex, and he was really good about that. Your intentions are obviously to keep your ex in your life by having this "mutual" friend around. If you can't handle it, then lose them both. It is what it is sir.

talaniman · May 6, 2009, 07:34 AM

It would help if you stop getting into her business, especially since she was honest enough to tell you, and she knew him before you did. Your not being fair.

nicolerocks711 · May 6, 2009, 12:17 PM

Lol if I told you how he was you would be thinking I am very fair lol

Romefalls19 · May 6, 2009, 12:21 PM

The longer you keep his friends in your life, the more confusion you're going to get. Go read my Rules and FAQ's on NC and then read my story from the beginning on why I put "no mutual friends" in the rulebook

nicolerocks711 · May 6, 2009, 12:35 PM

But she is like 90% my friend and 10% his lol