[clewis]

It's been terribly hurt and pain when my girlfriend broke up with me. It was full of confusing and I wasn't given a chance to get back to the relationship. It hurt deep inside my heart and soul. I cried for the past few weeks. We been taking time off for 2 weeks and after that we broke up. Broke up for a week. I still miss her a lot and can't keep her away from my mind even at work. My heart is in deep pain when I think of her. I keep wonder if she still miss me as she is very firm with her decision. We were in great romance and do our things together, share the same passion and interest. Somehow she perceived my love wrongly and turned out to be a stressful n burden to her. I honestly and sincerely love her and not afraid to love her despite her complexity of mind. Come to a point when I hate myself so much for not able to live up the love for her...

[kctiger]

Is this a rant or did you have a question my friend?

[I wish]

What you are experiencing is a very common. Many people suffer a lot when they break up with a person that they care deeply for. It would be adnormal to not feel pain, right?

You should let yourself feel the pain. Crying is a good way of letting it out. The pain will go away slowly. To help ease the pain, you should avoid any type of contact with her. Here are some tips: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html

[MiSSsy111222]

I feel your hurt, this site has great advice on how to deal with these feelings. I understand your pain I really do, the only words I have to say is be strong and time does heal all wounds.

Remember life goes on. The sun still shines and the birds still sing and everything happens for a reason.

[talaniman]

You aren't alone my friend, as we all here have been through that pain, and many here are dealing with it as you are.

Read the stickies at the beginning of this forum. There is a link in my signature if you have trouble finding them.

[clewis]

I regret for not explaining to her about how she felt toward my love was not right because it was not my intention at all to let her feel that way. I wonder if this type of relationship still a hope. Also because I shared with her our future to be together which turned out to be a burden. When I finally understood how girl feel and think when there are too many beautiful life painted on the canvass, they will stress up with those uncertain promises in life at this point... I really regret for not being sensitive enough. I really n truly love her... I wonder if she can just don't love me for that reason?. or maybe she is really stress up n need time off till she clear her mind... and give a chance?.

[starlite1]

Hi Clewis,

All you can do is give her space. I know it is hard, but have no contact with her at all, and let her be. If she is interested in continuing a relationship with you, she will contact you. But, in the meantime, you need to keep yourself occupied and do things for you. Do not sit home (or anywhere) and dwell on this. It isn't healthy for you.

[clewis]

Thanks to everyone for your advices and encouragement... I am still struggling to get out from this pain... sometimes I feel I am doing all right but sometimes when the memories come back... that's the killing part. I keep asking myself how will I react if one day she is dating someone else... how will I respond to my heart... Is it true once you overcome this pain, you will be stronger and your love will be richer and sweeter than previous?. I know God has arranged our love partner even before we were born. Is it all this happened for His reason?

[kctiger]

You are in charge of your own destiny, so pawning it off on someone else does no good. Whatever you believe, just believe in yourself and you ability to get over this. You will be stronger and better for it. Worrying about the next girl isn't going to help any... just worry about yourself.

[clewis]

Threads merged

Hi,

I broke off with my girlfriend about a month. We NC till now though we did said to be friend. And she said she love me as a friend. I was wondering how long can we NC until we can be friend again? I don't want to lost a friend as I already lost a girlfriend...

[Justwantfair]

How long were you together?

What age range are you?

[clewis]

Hi Justwantfair,

Our relationship lasted 4 months and it really hurt a lot because we were really in deep love. Im 34 she is 26... once awhile I still feel the pain... because of the beautiful memories...

[MiSSsy111222]

Onces the romantic feelings have gone then you can be friends

[clewis]

I just don't hope to be a stanger to her... tho she loves me as a friend.. why she still keep NC?. I really dun believe if she can forget all our beautiful moments together...

[MiSSsy111222]

i just dont hope to be a stanger to her...tho she loves me as a friend..why she still keep NC?...I really dun believe if she can forget all our beautiful moments together...

Sometimes people just realise that NC is for the best. At one point she was more that a friend to you, she needs to move on from that. Maybe she is doing NC for you to move on.

Sometimes those beautiful memories can hold us back, don't think of them too much, because it will drive you mad. Of course she hasn't forgot those memories unless she got memory loss. But they are in the past and that's where she intends to keep them.

[clewis]

Threads merged

Hi all,

My heart just asking is it OK for me to say sorry (email/sms/call) to my ex for the things that I didn't lift for her on my part? We been separated for a month already and keep NC till now but suddenly my heart felt pain to think of her and keep blaming myself for my mistakes. I just want to say sorry and didn't hope for anything in return. Can anyone advice me? When is the best time to say sorry?

[nikosmom]

Perhaps write a heartfelt letter. Actually put a stamp on it and mail it. Your effort will be appreciated yet won't put her under any pressure to face you.

Definitely don't email or text as that's just tacky and doesn't show true penance for whatever you did. It seems like a cop-out.

[Nestorian]

I put this in another thread, may it guide you well. Sorry if it's kind of mixed up, and confusing. I should fix it and I am, but time is needed. I appologise for that firend.

You can say your sorry, when you forgive yourself, other wise, you'd just be Lying to yourself. Are you sorry because you didn't help, or because you want to hear from her talk to her, or feel some connection with her?

True love, can be many things. Every one has their opinion, experiences, interpretation, and perceptions about it.

True, as defined at: true definition | Dictionary.com
1. being in accordance with the actual state or conditions; conforming to reality or fact; not false: a true story.
2. real; genuine; authentic: true gold; true feelings.
3. sincere; not deceitful: a true interest in someone's welfare.
4. firm in allegiance; loyal; faithful; steadfast: a true friend.

Love as defined at: love definition | Dictionary.com
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

Lets say love is a firm genuine, deep affection and loyalty that is built upon a profoundly passionate faithful belief in the binding of two people's lives. Forever they will be attactched in one form or aother. Personally I would argue that there is also a point to which one may need to learn to let go of a love, simply because only if you truly love some one/ thing will you find the strength to let them go of your own free will. I think that is important, because it lets people know that we don't have to be together just because we "have to", but we stay together because we want to. Also some times, the one's we want to stay with, don't want to stay with us, and so we have to accept that so we can move on. There maybe "soul mates", but it's not clear as to whether or not we develop, and grow into such, or if it's predetermined for us. Maybe finding our soul mate has more to do with finding ourselves, and in doing so can finally attract our soul mates. Very mysterious is the world that we pretend to know.

Lust= Passion, sex drive and hormons. One night stands, or meaningless flings. (The people that do this seem to show very little self respect, and tend to "...act kinda proud with no respect for tehmselves." P.O.D.- Youth of the nation)

Love= Passion, sex drive, hormons, enjoy a person's company/ personality, and some respect. (Actually, I think this may be most relationships in our world. In love, but not so willing to see the differnece between them self and their lover, and what their relationship really means. There are different types, levels and kinds of Love at this level. Like the women who loves her man so much even when he hits her, or when the man loves his women but she cheats on him. Then there is the couple that is relatively happy together, but don't really grow, or progress because they are too different, or a like, or just don't work well together. )

True Love= The one you will spend your life with, while there is time left to spend. YOu understand that you may not be together forever, but still live for the moment. YOu are comfortable with each other, and yourselves. Grow together, and progress in life, due to a healthy balance. When there is a split, it is on good terms, hard, painful still but good. (The "good" splite is not to be confused with a careless, reckless, and respectless splite. It is not like the couple who splites and stay's friends and cheats on their new partners with the one they are spliting on good terms with. I might arguee that true friends are in true love.)

Soul Mates= True Love + Forever being with your lover as your lover will forever be with you. The one you are dedicated to until death do you part. Perhaps the one you will follow into the after life, what ever it maybe. Know yourself, and you will know your soul mate.

As to whether or not I believe these... They are possibilities, just like anything, everything, nothing, and something else...

"Do you guys believe everyone will find love? or is some people just not meant to love or be loved?" - None12345
That is dependent, do we count the love of GOD as some believe, the Love one feels for themselves, The love of a family or friends?

Love is not all about passion and sex. It's more complicated, and it also depends where what your cultural back ground is. I some times think that is why people are so confused about love, because they feel the same feeling for some one they love as for some one they want to just have sex with. That heated passion, and so on. But love is more than that, it's about connection, and being able to be with the one you love with out invading who they are. So often people get messed up by their feelings saying, "Oh look at this new exciting prospect of adventure..." Then the morals and spiritual guidance kicks in, "This is not right, I may be attracted, but i don't know this person. It's very dangerous, STDs, rape, murder, and so on. I deserve to be treated better then a fluzy, sex toy." Then it's a perpetual war waged with in the confinds of your own mind. These days people seem more pron to act on basic instinct and feelings than reason, and honorable intentions. Don't get me wrong, that's just an over generalization. There are still people who do care about what happens to one another, and do seem to be happy even after just a one night stand, but not always. Haha I guess I've been haning around too many rough necks eh? Haha, welders, mill laborours, and such.

All I've given you is just my opinion. No real evidence saying nor suggesting its true.

You may consider following this, Forgive yourself for past mistakes. Or it will be hard to know yourself. If you can not forgive yourself and thus let go of the past, you may only end up in situations that are too familliure and using your illutions II make things seem good when they are not. As Guns 'N' Roses play,
"Cause yesterday's got nothin' for me
Old pictures that I'll always see
Some things could be better
If we'd all just let them be..."

Forgive yourself, then you can begin to know yourself. No it is very unlikely that we will ever know our self's entirely, for it's an on going progression that lasts through out our entire being, or so it is seems that such advice is important to keep in mind. When we get to know ourselves, we get to understand the connection we have and share with others. Whether it's, a lover, friend, the vary air we breath, the food we eat, the substances we put in our bodies, and the balance between all. Like I said, how can we know our soul mate if we don't know ourselves. So, if we break up with one lover and wish to improve our ability to be in a healthy relationship, then perhaps the best way to do this is by first getting to be ourselves. That means know yourself, and you shall know Love. It can be seen as not true, but I believe that is, for the most part, if you use your illutions II make things seem other than they are. If you can not be honest with yourself, you can not be honest with others.

Love yourself, this is very hard for most, on account that we all have such high expectations for ourselves and one another. This one is very touchy and hard to deal with since it's a very powerful emotion. We tend to try and tighten our grip on it, but no matter how tight to grip it it just runs through our hands like sand. We become addicted to Love, and in the book "The brain that changes it'self" it is compared to the drug Cocain. While we have our love, or in my best interpretation that which seems to invoke the feeling of "Love"/"Euphoria", we are "happy". Then we start to associate things with that "Love". Should we loose that "love", we become depressed and miss it dearly.
This is the complex part, we feel euphoric because the pleasure centers in the septal region of the Limbic system is turned on. This makes us associate what we experience, good or Bad, with the feeling of pleasure. When we are "in Love", on a "manic High" (term for people who have a mental illness called Mania, or bipolar.), or if we are under the influence of cocaine; the threshold at which our pleasure centers will fire is lowered, making it easier for them to turn on. "Neurons that fire together wire together." (this term implies that while the threshold of our pleasure centers is lowered, we associate what ever we do/see/think/feel/smell and generally experience with Pleasure.) Now, the pleasure center has a nother name, "the appetitive pleasure system" ("Appetitive: 1. An instinctive physical desire, especially one for food or drink. 2. A strong wish or urge: an appetite for learning." - Appetitive - definition of Appetitive by the Free Online Dictionary, Thesaurus and Encyclopedia.) The reason for the strong urge or instinctive physical desire is because the appetitive pleasure system is a dopamine-based system associated with the pleasure of anticipating something we desire.
So now, when we separate from our "love" for too long we suffer from with drawl and the things that we associated with our "love", rather than bringing us happy feelings, they taunt us and serve as a dark reminder of the love we lost. That can change over time, but when the separation is new, it's really hard to look past the pain, and illutions we create. Generally after losing a love, the pleasure center isn't functioing the same so, we crash, craving our "love", get anxious, doubt themselves, lose their energy, and feel rundown if not depressed. Like the junky getting a small fix, a letter, e-mail, text message, or telephone message from our "love" gives us that old shot of energy and joy.
Relationships that are regualar and routine, well the dopanine in our systems likes novelty, so we have to keep things rather fresh and new, exciting or our brains get bord. They need stimulation, and I've come to wonder if people who have relationship troubles and drink or do drugs regularly aren't linked to this idea of new and fresh. See, when we do drugs, drink alcohol, we kill brain cells and make it hard for the brain to learn new things.


K I have to fix some of this, and there is more, much more. I'll see if I can fix it.

Peace and kindness bewith you.

[Blushingbride]

I think you should let it go if you don't talk to her anymore. Obviously it's been more than a few days and she may have found someone by now. Telling her these things now may harm her new relationship but you have to learn to let go. Everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect. Just be easy on yourself and take advantage of what you've learned and better yourself. If you live in regret you're never going to be happy and you'll keep replaying what you've already done again then you'll have two that you hurt before you know it. Besides, you tell her that you're sorry now she'll think you're playing her.

[kctiger]

Write the letter, but don't send it. You are merely searching for a way to create some type of closure. You owe NOTHING to your ex, you owe it to yourself, instead, to let yourself off the hook. Relationships end because of two people not being compatible. It isn't one person's fault (usually). There is a reason for everything happening, and I don't think your apology would do anything but make you feel better. So write it out, and then burn the letter. You just need a release of some sort.