[chiquitavallejo]

I have seen other posts like this on the site, but my questions are a tad more different.

I have been dating boy for about 6 months now. My friends and family always say that when I get a new love interest, I practically worship the boy. When I love someone, I really give it my all. And the same is for my current boyfriend -- he is very attractive, funny, kind, mature...

The problem is I am very, very attached to him. I find myself getting upset when he doesn't express that he'll miss me when he leaves my house or dorm, or that he misses me when I'm away from him at college. I see him every weekend. He says he knows he'll see me next weekend, it's not a big deal, and that he prefers to be happy than to be sad that we're leavin eachother.

This is exactly how I wish to feel. I want to be independent, and not have a metal and emotional breakdown whenever I leave him.

What I find is a little off is that sometimes if I become sad in a girly way (like, I'm not really sad I just want to act cute and get attention, kind of a joke), he takes it seriously and actually gets angry at me for being sad. And then I get offended because I don't think someone who loves you should get angry or annoyed at you for being down.

Anyway, my parents were divorced, certain things from my father and past have given me low self-esteem. I get stressed easily, epecially about money because my family wouldn't hide our money problems when I was a child.

I wish to be independent, confident, and feel beautiful and calm. How do I confront these past issues? How can I become less dependent on my boyfriend for happiness? How can I get him to, once in a while, express his love for me?

Thanks to anyone who can help!

[simoneaugie]

You may be suffering from abandonment issues from your past. Counselling will help steer you in the right direction so that your goals might be realized.

Remember that he does not feel the same way that you do, at parting. When he reacts in anger, that's his issues, not your stuff. Guys tend to want to fix things. If you want to just talk about how it feels when he leaves, tell him that up front. If he realizes that just by listening he is "fixing" through caring, you will both be getting more of what you want.

[Choux]

You have some very good goals for yourself, but at the present time, you are completely defeated by separation anxiety. That goes deep into your psyche and produces the worst kind of fear, in my opinion, and is easily transferred to life situations where it doesn't apply.

Other than working with a therapist, you have to talk to yourself on a rational level to calm yourself down. You can do that. :) You have to tell yourself that you are being irrational in view of the facts. YOu don't have to surrender to your fears.

Very best wishes, girl, :)

[illion]

Hello, chiquitavallejo :)

I think it is important that you start communicating more directly with your boyfriend. He doesn't understand your little games. You have to tell him how you feel, not expect him to react appropriate to your playing acts.

I feel that you are victimizing yourself. You said you had issues from the past and you are dragging them with you into this new relationship. Instead of seeing what a fantastic potential this relationship has, you see only problems. You have to address your attachment issues from the past, otherwise you will meet the same problems over and over again in other relationships as well.

Who abandoned you when you were a little girl? Why? Can you understand why it happened? Can you forgive? If you can, can you see that you don't need to be afraid of being abandoned anymore? You are a big girl now. You can make it on your own if you have to. You're not going to die. You are doing just fine.

I wish you all the best
Illion
Intuitive Counsellor