[talaniman]

Why would you wish someone a happy holiday after, they have turned yours upside down, and made a mess of the whole celebration thing? Is that logical, or are you still in shock?

That's a big NO!

[LifeChangesMan]

What would be your goal to text her on Christmas?

To let her know that it's Christmas? I'm sure she already knows pal. ;)

Basically, just let it go, and if she texts you, well that's your choice I suppose, just don't build up false hope over something like a holiday text like I did on Thanksgiving. It gets you no where, and just messes with your mind.

Take Care,
LCM

P.S. - Thank you for all the kind comments about my posts, advice, and my own personal story.

[expat2009]

I'm in the same boat as you are... I thought maybe a merry christmas text or short call would be a good idea to stay on her good books or just plainly let her see that I'm still here... but then after seeing all these recommendations its true. It won't get me anywhere except give me hope which will most likely let me down. So instead of texting her, or calling, just text your friends or something. Im going to do that myself. If she texts or calls, ill be polite and quick.. and NOT bring up the relationship. Whatever it is ill be careful not to re-raise my hopes as it could only be a pity-call (I am away from my country and have no family here, as well as few friends. So she might want to call and check up on me, but ill show her I don't need her to have a good xmas!)

I see the benefits of not calling are far better than if you do. It would be risky and if you don't get the result you want you'll be dissapointed and spend the next few days thinking about it. Better that you let yourself heal and not miss her.

[BrewCrew0981]

I'm in the same boat as you are... I thought maybe a merry christmas text or short call would be a good idea to stay on her good books or just plainly let her see that im still here.....but then after seeing all these recommendations its true. it wont get me anywhere except give me hope which will most likely let me down.

This same topic comes up a lot. The answer from those who have been there and done that, is always a resounding "DON'T DO IT!" You will search for anything to establish contact. Birthdays, Holidays, the dog's birthday, it's a full moon out and the enjoy full moons. While you won't and typically can't admit it to yourself, all you are doing is digging desperately for any crumbs of hope she might drop on her way out of your life. Save yourself the pain and anguish and just DON'T do it! Oh, and even if they text you, delete it promptly. There is NO, I repeat, NO reason to respond.

[adamross]

expat2009 this is comforting. Thank you for letting me know what happened. The fact is that I know she still feels for me and although now I won't text her on xmas (thanks to you all)... it is still hard for me to come to terms with the fact that people can spend so much time together and share so many special things like holidays, family moments, intimate sex, great meals, arguments and solving them, getting together and making each other feel wanted... all that sort of stuff and then they can just switch off. I think that although I had so many chances to save my relationship... like the fact I brought the break thing up and I was the one that told her I was starting to like the friend side of her more than the girlfriend... I will always regret what I said because it was me who has technically made myself feel like this then got needy when I realised that she just accepted what I said and started to move on. It came as a shock if you like. It's a strange one because I know she finds me attractive but I guess that's not all a girls concerned with when it comes to relationships.

[adamross]

'hey well I hope you do well in you exams and enjoy your holidays to. If I see you about over the xmas holidays then I'll I come say hi and you can but me a drink :P And do yourself a favour and delete that email I sent it's not going to do either of us any good now x'

THat was the last text I sent her. What would anyone take from that? The email contained feelings I wrote to her in an email the week before

[kctiger]

I take from it that you are not paying attention to anything we are telling you. I have done EVERY SINGLE stupid thing you are thinking about doing. I could literally write a book on how to make yourself look ignorant after a break up. I mean everything. I have dropped to rock bottom and made myself look like a complete idiot to my ex, and the only thing it did was validate your break up. Save your freaking self pride, get off your a$$ and quit acting like we are on here spewing junk to you in hopes of causing you more pain. I get mad because I see people making the same stupid mistakes I did, and with my advice, they don't even seem to notice, or care! Man up!! I don't come on here in hopes of ruining your chances of getting your ex back, I come on here to hopefully spare you some of the heartache and embarrassment I endured... not to listen to any of the advice given to you on here is just plain disrespectful and immature. But, I was in your boat as well, so I will try not to judge.

[talaniman]

Why are you trying to read her mind, and analyze every detail?? That's like being stuck in the mud, and spinning your wheels. It doesn't matter what she thinks any more, what matters is your plan to move yourself along.

[adamross]

I get you. I really do. What's good about that is that it sometimes takes something like what you've just said for it to hit home. Thanks. And I'm not being ignorant just trying to make sense of these really weird thoughts I'm having and try to make sense of them. You know what I mean?

[kctiger]

I know what you mean... everything will be all right. I wish nothing but the best for you, I just know how hard this is and I hate that others have to go through it.

[adamross]

SUCCESS!! :) I went out last night and had myself a brilliant night with all my closest friends. I met my ex out in the club. Went over said hi... merry christmas... then left. Met a girl that night that stunned me... she was gorgeous. Spent the whole night ancing with her and didn't think of my ex until I say her watching us. Then she came over and told me that this is exactly why she has been avoiding me. That she died her hair because she knew I wouldn't like it.. . that me dancing with someone else apparently in her words... 'confirmed a lot of things for her'. Ha... I thought what the hell needs confirmed were apart.. . so don't know what she was on about. Anyway I thought I would also say that I haven't text her either and I feel good about it. When you get that feeling in your stomach when your with another girl (butterflies) it justakes you see that your ex was not the only person to give you that feeling. Also when I saw her I thought all my feelings would come back but... there was very little. I think it maybe had something to do with the circumstances... what with me having a better looking girl there and all. I'm not being big headed here lets get that straight... I'm just saying that there IS a way through this pain for all of us. Any feedback would be great. Merry Xmas. :)

[ISneezeFunny]

Good, sort of. You danced with another girl... but did you do this in spite of your ex? If so, then... not too healthy. If you did it simply to have a good time, then congrats.

I would advise, to stop going to clubs that your ex frequents. This time around, she saw you with another girl. How will you react if you saw her with another guy?

[LifeChangesMan]

Happy Holidays,

Good for you Adam, but I agree if it was out of spite, that's no bueno. But hey, if you were doing it for yourself and because you wanted to, good for you! Just don't jump into anything to crazy, enjoy your freedom while it lasts until you become buckled down again by the love monster!

And for your ex... let her go now man, usually they will try and interfere now that they know your with someone else and crap but, it's just childish and don't let it get to you, do whatever makes your happy!

Anyway, glad to hear your doing better, best wishes to you and your family today!

Yours Truly,
LCM

[talaniman]

Your lucky as now you know the world just doesn't have one female in it.

[adamross]

Thanks guys. Much respect for you all. Uch a nice thing you do buy listening to my stuff. It most certainly wasn't out of spite. Like, it made me feel good inside knowing that she was watching me have a good time, laughing, dancing and just being what I was before the heartbreak. If I saw her with another guy then it would make me feel a bit weird but not horribly sickening. I know what your saying about what if it was the other way around but the way I see it... it wasn't. And when it is then I'll deal with it better now because I know that there was a chance I could have ended up in bed with my ex or something last night and because of that other girl I made me realise where my prioritys lie at the moment... with me and making me feel good. At the end of the club I saw her waiting with people. I wondered if it was me she waswaiting for so crossed the road then walked to get a taxi. She then watched my taxi drive away and I caught her eye as it did.

[LifeChangesMan]

Anytime kid-o,

Glad to hear your living for yourself now, and doing things that make you happy!

Take Care,
LCM