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steradam242 · Sep 29, 2008, 04:29 AM

We are both young, just finishing high school and all. We dated for the entire senior year and now that the summer has past she's going to university 4 hours away. We tried the whole long distance relationship thing but that went sour after two weeks as we fought on a daily basis about her drinking problems since she's been there. She never drank often, but now she's drinking every weekend and the odd time during the week going to class hungover. Since we broke up, she hasn't talked to me. I've messaged her once or twice but those conversations didn't last long at all as they led to another argument. So overall id say we were on bad terms at the moment. But here's the thing. She came home this weekend as it was her birthday on Thursday. She was home all weekend... but she never called or texted me which is fine and understandable. She must still be hurting and such but I really don't feel that much pain. This isn't the first time we've broken up... it happened a little over a month before this time actually. But the thing is that she's always told me was that after we broke up she always wanted to be really good friends afterwards but at the moment she doesn't seem interested in a friendship. I am concerned about her drinking but if I ever mentioned it to her she would start another argument. On Thursday she messaged me on msn, for the first time in three weeks. She said hey, I gave her the "happy birthday" greeting to later find out that she was going out that night and partying with her sister who was to drive her home the Friday morning. I said something along the lines of "seems like all you ever do now is party" and she flipped. She told me that I always seem to make her feel guilty for going out and having fun with her friends regardless if she is drinking or not? I was thinking... where did that come from. So I'm assuming that had to do with the whole... ignoring me while she was home. She is suppose to come home for thanksgiving in a little over two weeks. Im going to give the "no contact" thing a go but id really like to stay friends with her. What do you think I should do?

talaniman · Sep 29, 2008, 06:08 AM

She is doing what a million others her age is doing, and since this is probably her first time with this much freedom, the last thing she needs is a mother, looking over her shoulder.

Back off and stop presuming she needs your guidance, and leave her be.

She is ignoring you so take the hint, that your advice, and suggestions, are not wanted.

Let her have her freedom, without you. Forget being friends on your terms, as neither of you is ready for that.

jrsg · Sep 29, 2008, 03:16 PM

Just to add...

I have yet to see a long distance relationship that worked. It happens with so many high school sweethearts. They think they are meant for each other, soulmates, and then they get accepted to separate colleges. Most break up, but some at least give a long distance relationship a chance.

Trust problems arise. Partying can be difficult and tempting, but is hard when your boy/girlfriend is 4 hours away (as in your case). It just doesn't work out. All long distance relationships that I have encountered on this site end within a few weeks. So it isn't just you who has trouble with these relationships. Everyone does. You're not alone in that.

So yeah, just let her live her life, make her mistakes, etc. Hopefully sometime in the future you two can be friends once again, but not now. Give NC a try, and try your best to move on.

Good luck, and let us know how everything goes

candybaby9 · Sep 29, 2008, 03:53 PM

It sounds like to me that she may have a problem but she may just be an outgoing teenage girl that llikes to go out and have fun, either way I think she has possibly moved on and I think you should too.

steradam242 · Sep 29, 2008, 06:09 PM

Good advice, ill definitely leave her alone. There's really no point in trying to fix that friendship anytime soon lol

jrsg · Sep 29, 2008, 06:13 PM

Originally Posted by steradam242

Good advice, ill definately leave her alone. Theres really no point in trying to fix that friendship anytime soon lol

Good idea, glad we could help.
Any other questions, just ask! This is the place to do so.

steradam242 · Sep 29, 2008, 06:17 PM

Lol yeah. I think I'm beginning to move on to be honest. It happened three weeks ago and I've been working like 60+ hours a week as a cook at a restaurant. There is this waitress that I've got my eye on. We talk for hours whenever she's around sitting at the window waiting for her order to be ready. She will come back to the kitchen and do dishes with me when its not busy and she's constantly flirty but I'm not sure if this is just the rebound effect or if I just plain out like the girl. Im still slightly confused about my emotions..

jrsg · Sep 29, 2008, 06:37 PM

Originally Posted by steradam242

Lol yeah. i think im beginning to move on to be honest. It happened three weeks ago and ive been working like 60+ hours a week as a cook at a restaurant. There is this waitress that ive got my eye on. We talk for hours whenever shes around sitting at the window waiting for her order to be ready. She will come back to the kitchen and do dishes with me when its not busy and shes constantly flirty but im not sure if this is just the rebound effect or if i just plain out like the girl. Im still slightly confused about my emotions..

Well, its good to see that you are considerate enough to worry about her feelings. Its nice to see someone who thinks about others, and actually thinks about their relationships, lol. A lot of people would just go into a rebound relationship, setting up the partner for heart break. The fact that you even think about it shows you are a good guy. You know best, whether you are ready for a relationship yet, so you can make that call. Sounds like a promising oppurtunity though! And every women loves a man who can cook ;), lol.

Good luck!

steradam242 · Sep 29, 2008, 06:40 PM

LOL yeah that's for sure :P hahaha I'm definitely learning a thing or two working with people who have been doing this kind of thing for years. I can't just come home and make pizza pops anymore lol. I have to cook a whole damn meal. But yeah man, I'm going to give myself some time before I jump into something. I don't want to mess up other people's emotions. I don't play those kinds of games. I know I wouldn't want someone rebounding with me so why would I even bother doing that to someone else? Im going to make sure my feelings are genuin before I start anything else. Like... I just got out of an 11 month relationship with a girl... so my emotions are still a little out of wack.