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CTKT88 · Aug 12, 2008, 08:49 AM

So my fiancé and I have been together for almost 2 years now and recently I have reasons to believe he cheated.
Well, I am 5months pregnant and recently discovered I caught Genital Warts about 6months ago. I've only been with 1 other person since I've been with him (Which he was okay with) that person gets tested every month just in case. My b/f insisted it was the guy I was with who gave it to me and that he hadn't been with anyone besides me in 3 years. Well turns out the guy got tested and came back Negative. Now I'm not sure what to do... I'm thinking I could stay with my parents for a couple of days but how will that fix anything. Evan if I bring this subject up again, he's just going to say I've already told you the truth... How should I bring the subject up again comly and rationally? It doesn't make much since because he loves me so much and doesn't even care about sex that much, not even in the beginning of our relationship.

liz28 · Aug 12, 2008, 09:07 AM

Out of 2 years your being together, have you cheated on him and that's why you maybe thought the other guy gave it to you?

If your boyfriend loved you so much and didn't care about sex, he wouldn't not be cheating also.

It does not matter how many times you bring it up, you will never get the true because he will denied it. Anyway the proof is in the pudding so he' stupid to lie. Both of you was in the wrong for cheating each other.

CTKT88 · Aug 12, 2008, 09:22 AM

I never cheated on him, it was a couple thing we did together... I'm just trying to get the truth out of him, but there is no point in beating a dead horse... Now I just don't know what to do about the situation.

liz28 · Aug 12, 2008, 09:42 AM

The main thing you can do is focus on your unborn child and what exactly have you had planned to do in regards to him?

Romefalls19 · Aug 12, 2008, 09:47 AM

Im still confused about this whole couple thing you did together, because if it was an agreement that you both would switch partners, I wouldn't call that cheating

CTKT88 · Aug 12, 2008, 10:00 AM

Yes, we were planing on getting married after the baby was born mostly because we don't want to get married just because of a baby.
And about the couple thing we did, it was a fanstasy he had... He wanted to watch me and someone else. (Voyerism) There was no other female involved. So it's not cheating because it was a fantasy he had and I did it for him.
He denys he was with anyone else besides me, if he told me the truth I would eventually forgive him. I just want him to the tell the truth but he feels that there is no point in bringing it up over and over if he's already told the truth. IN THE PAST, He's even told me why he wouldn't cheat on me because I was curious if he had or not. Of course we told each other how we felt toward it. He tells me he would never do anything behind my back and without my permission. Which is why it's confusing. If he says he would never do anything without telling me, and he cheated that makes it even worse!

talaniman · Aug 12, 2008, 11:00 AM

You don't have to take his word for anything, as a simple test will tell whether he is lying or not.

BetrayalBtCamp · Aug 12, 2008, 11:31 AM

He will not tell you anymore than he has without proof on your side that he has lied if in fact that's what's happening. You will need to do some investigating first to see if there is any evidence of his cheating other than the warts you have. Does he have them?

Nothing you have written guarantees he hasn't cheated or is still doing it. Most cheaters embrace the mantra "deny, deny, deny" often even when the proof is right in front of them. Unfortunately, many men do stray when there is a pregnancy. You need to know the truth & he's not a reliable source for that right now.

If he didn't cheat, why isn't he more concerned that you got the warts especially with you pg with his child? The fact that he knew you had sex with someone else certainly explains why he's not upset about that, but you would think he would be mad the guy lied about being tested & disease free.

Do you have full access to his bank / cell phone records? Can you check to see what's on his cell? Those are good places to start.

Here's a helpful book for what steps to take:

Amazon.com: Ultimate Betrayal: Recognizing, Uncovering And Dealing With Infidelity: Danine Manette: Books

But you also need to learn as much as you can about genital warts too. Googling will bring up good info that you can verify with your dr & use so you can make a list of guestions to ask in order to best protect yourself, your baby & your sexual partner.

Warts -- familydoctor.org

Can warts be passed from one person to another person?

Yes, warts on the skin may be passed to another person when that person touches the warts. It is also possible to get warts from using towels or other objects that were used by a person who has warts.

Warts on the genitals are very contagious & can be passed to another person during oral, vaginal or anal sex. It is important not to have unprotected sex if you or your partner has warts on the genital area. In women, warts can grow on the cervix (inside the vagina), & a woman may not even know she has them. She may pass the infection to her sexual partner without knowing it.

How are warts in the genital area treated?

Genital warts must be treated by your doctor. Warts in the genital area can be removed, but there's no cure for the viral infection that causes the warts. This means that the warts may come back even after they have been removed.

CTKT88 · Aug 12, 2008, 07:50 PM

Thank you for all the information you provided me. I tried thinking of different ways to contract the virus and there are ways... Before my boyfriend now, I had only been with one other person. They say the virus can lay dormant for months, even years!
I've had deep convos with him about it and well, if he had cheated, he would've fessed up by now. Yes, of course he's concerned about our unborn child and the risks of the virus... But I think I'm going to let it go, mostly because I'd rather have him in my life then not. If something comes up like this (Hopefully not) then I will look elsewhere, but for now I have no proof that he cheated. He doesn't have a cell phone he lets me know if he's going to be late after work so it doesn't make much since. Either I contracted the virus before this relationship or the guy I fooled around with has it and is lying or has it and doesn't even know it. Sometimes they can't find it even by bloods tests. So, I am trying to figure out other ways of how I contracted the virus and how it will affect my unborn child.

hjpan · Aug 12, 2008, 08:32 PM

Test together?

If the baby is born, chances are... it's going to be infected

chakarnis · Aug 12, 2008, 08:47 PM

Why don't you let this loser boyfriend of yours take a hike and take care of that babY? You have a virus, darlin' and you need to find out if your child has the virus, as well. That is all you should be thinking of. Viruses can affect an unborn child in so many ways. Your best bet is to forget that loser boyfriend of yours, totally forget about marrying him because there is definitely wrong with a man that gets off watching his woman screwing another man and something equally wrong with a woman who does everything her man tells her to do and now you have brought an innocent child into the mix and more than likely ruined its life. And you're wondering if he cheated?? I'm sure that's not all that he's done... that you know about, that is. Tsk Tsk. Get real.

CTKT88 · Aug 13, 2008, 07:53 AM

There is a slight chance the baby can get it, but I don't want to take any chances... I'll have to get a C-section...

Oh, yea... since I've had this for a couple months now he most likely has it so there is no ponit in testing together lol... I did get pregnant...

CTKT88 · Aug 13, 2008, 08:25 AM

Originally Posted by chakarnis

Why don't you let this loser boyfriend of yours take a hike and take care of that babY? You have a virus, darlin' and you need to find out if your child has the virus, as well. That is all you should be thinking of. Viruses can affect an unborn child in so many ways. Your best bet is to forget that loser boyfriend of yours, totally forget about marrying him because there is definitely wrong with a man that gets off watching his woman screwing another man and something equally wrong with a woman who does everything her man tells her to do and now you have brought an innocent child into the mix and more than likely ruined its life. And you're wondering if he cheated???? I'm sure that's not all that he's done....that you know about, that is. Tsk Tsk. Get real.

Do you really think I would want to bring a baby into this world if I already knew I had something that could possibly infect my child? NO...
There is a slight chance my baby may contract it if I have a Natural birth. According to my DOCTOR. It's not like it's Herpes or anything...
I've only had 3 partners in my life time, but it is possible I got it from the first. Yes we used protection but it's a skin virus,the viruses can lay Dormant for months even years... I have no proof that he cheated, as much as I've been hounding about the issue, he would just tell me the truth.
And about our sex life, everyone has their different fanstacies, I'm sure you have them too.
You're not helping the issue, you're just judging and telling me to take irrational decisions.
If you're going to get on here please provide me with good advice. Thanks

talaniman · Aug 13, 2008, 08:27 AM

Fact- you have an STD.
Fact- the guy you did the wild thang with doesn't have an STD.
Fact- you haven't been with anyone else but this guy, and your man.

Conclusion- Your man gave you something he got from someone else. That makes him a liar, and a cheat.

Any decision you make has to include those facts, if we believe everything you've written.

talaniman · Aug 13, 2008, 08:47 AM

I think all you want is the truth from him. What if he is being truthful, and your not accepting it? Does that make a difference in your future decisions?? He should still be tested, and as you say its possible he had this when he met you.

BetrayalBtCamp · Aug 13, 2008, 09:02 AM

You have been given not just a huge red flag but an infection that should make you take a closer look at what exactly your boyfriend is doing. Not doing that at all may seem like the best safe decision now, but it will end up hurting you more if you don't do at least some real checking on the situation. Like popping in at his lunch break unannounced, writing down the mileage on his car to see if it's going more miles than he's telling you, etc. If he doesn't leave his job site at all, then start thinking of which coworker he could have gotten extra friendly with. He may have mentioned her to you early on as "just a friend" then stopped when the petting / sex got going.

Even if you do stay with him, the fact he could lie, cheat & expose you & the baby to STD's is something that would need to be properly addressed so it won't happen again, ever (if in fact that's what's going on). And sadly, there is a good chance that he has cheated & is lying to you.

And if you stay knowing he did cheat (& he doesn't do the hard work to make things right & wants to just sweep this cheating episode under the rug) at least you will know that he will very likely keep lying & cheating & you can decide if you want to live with that as a constant in your life (& protect yourself appropriately) or get out before you are even more locked into an unhealthy, unhappy relationship with him.

If you bury your head in the sand now & he is cheating, the odds are not good he will miraculously confess all later on or even stop cheating. He will know he can fool you & most likely keep doing what he wants to do right up until he finally does get busted.

I know it's scary to think of what the consequences would be if you did get proof he's cheating & you don't want to deal with the drama & truama especially while you're pg. No one wants to deal with the betrayal fall out, it's not fun or pretty.

But pretending it can't happen or didn't when you have a very valid reason to do your own checking (instead of just believing him) isn't going to erase the existing issues in him that allowed him to cheat or improve things without the full truth on the table. So by the time you get the whole truth, it will be a lot worse most likely than what you will find out happened up to now.

Whatever choices you make, I hope the best for you & your baby.