[chocopies]

Hello. I'm very new to this forum. I'll introduce myeslf very briefly, and I need help as well.

My name is David. I'm 22 years old, male and have been dating my girlfriend for about 2.5 years now. We have a very healthy relationship in terms of communication, and we have a very strong level of trust between each other.

We see each other about once a week, and have kept to light dating as we are both very busy with school+work. So all in all, we have a good thing here.

Okay. Good. Now here's what's confusing me, and don't know if I'm doing the right thing.
My girlfriend has been very religious since youth and believes strongly against pre-marital sex. I, as well, come from a religious family but I could careless about pre-marital sex as I am not a virgin. (Yes, very selfish statement)

I've always respected her, and have respected her morals throughout all this time. Because of our light dating, and because we both live under our parent's roof (we're still college students, but we both commute), we hardly have any chance of getting really intimate. We have no problem with anything else.

I understand a relationship is not based around sex. I also am well aware that a relationship without intimacy is not so good either.

In the upcoming fall, we will both be living on campus and will have opportunities to have more alone time with each other. What's been bothering me here and there was:

a) Do I respect her morals, and avoid trying to get into any serious intimate moods?

Or

b) Do I just forget all that, and let whatever happens happen?

I personally feel like avoiding is the right thing to do, because I would rather have her less stressed, not have too much to worry about, etc etc. But at the same time, 2.5 years in a relationship without any sex is sort of catching up to me.

*By no sex, I mean that we often just cuddle, kiss, etc etc.*

I want to hear other people's opinion on my 'situation'.

I really appreciate everybody for reading my post. Thanks and hope to hear soon from everybody.

[Distantlove]

Don't try anything. She has obviously made it clear to you that she believes in no sex before marriage, and so respect that. Yes you may not agree, but she wouldn't agree with YOU. If she decided she wanted to, then she would try it in her own time. But for now, carry on as you are. And yes, it must be difficult for you because you want to feel close to her and bond with her in that way, but there are other ways you can feel close. Oneday you may feel that you don't want this relationship because you believe intimacy is important, but that will be up to you. For now, she doesn't want to have sex because of her beliefs so respect that. In the end, you are still with her.

Putting myself in your shoes, I would feel very much the way you feel, but I would also consider how my partner feels. You don't want her to feel pressured, you want her to WANT to have sex with you. But for the moment, she's not thinking about sex, it doesn't mean she loves you less, its just what she believes. She disagrees with you on this, if she disagrees with you about the type of music you like, she doesn't love you less, its just her opinion and you would respect it. After thinking about it, you may find that you want to wait too so that she can be ready and that way it will be special.

[talaniman]

But at the same time, 2.5 years in a relationship without any sex is sort of catching up to me.

You knew how she felt from the beginning, and you chose to stay, so if you continue to be in this relationship, keep respecting her wishes.

Lack of sex is no excuse for disrespect.

[JBeaucaire]

My wife and I grew up religious. I share your concerns since this was a "belief" I wasn't able to hold to in previous relationships.

But when I met my wife to be, eventyually neither one of us had enough physical control and we had to get married halfway through college just to keep our sanity.

Look, you DO need to respect her boundaries. But 2.5 years is long enough to know if this is heading in the right direction for you. You're already starting to question, which is good. Question away, be as pragmatic as you can.

But, being in a true loving relationship is about sacrifice and honor, something you're already doing. Yes it's hard to exercise control at this level, and you're doing WAY better than I did (but I got married at 23 so it became a non-issue for me.)

If this really IS one of the "it" girls, you probably CAN keep going. You already know the rewards overall outweigh the sexual control issues.

So, I'd opt for the "keep going and see how things develop" choice, but remember, managing to talk her into dropping her guard on this issue may not be viewed as a "win" in the future, so that's a pretty risky ploy, even if innocent.

As her "guy", one of your joys in life is getting to protect her and keep her safe. Truly take that task to heart, and if one of the things she needs protecting from is your sexual energy (until she gets married, if that's her stated goal), then take that job seriously.

Good luck to you.

[N0help4u]

People put emphasis on sex being important in a relationship BUT often once you get intimate you are not putting enough focus on getting to really know each other.
Respect her values and wait until she is ready or you will very likely lose her if you push it.

[chocopies]

Thank you everybody for your inputs!

JBeaucaire, thanks for your response especially. It's given me some insight, and some more to think about. Yeah, she's really great and one of those "it" girls as you mentioned. By giving in to my desires will only make her into "the one that got away", so I'll stick with doing what I originally felt was right and not give into my temptations/desires.

Thanks again for giving me some relief. I felt that I was the odd one because I wasn't "getting any" or something.

~

[sweety]

It is good that you both have trust and are on a good communicational level. You could talk to her about this and if she still wants no sex, if you really love her and care for her, respect her wishes.