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dsfargeg · Jun 19, 2008, 01:16 AM

Let me put this in perspective for you. Since about the age of 5, a guy had claimed her as his. They grew up in an off again on again relationship, and eventually ended up having sex. When he left for another state, she began seeing another guy. He returned, beat the living crap out of her, then proceeded to get her drunk the next night. That night, he took her to another house, where 10-12 guys wore masks and raped her. She can't remember anything because she was drunk (and about 14 or 15 at this time), but the rapists took pictures, which showed her being raped anally, orally, and vaginally.

She's had four years to deal with this, but I'm just now finding out about it. I've loved her for all four years we've known each other, and we're just now into our six months of relationship. All I can think about is that horrible thing. Images pop in my head, and I'm utterly revulsed. It's becoming almost unhealthy. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about, and being a peaceful person, I am overcome with a mass of rage, and I really think, if given the chance, I would murder each person who did this to her.

How can I cope with all of this? I'm just now going through my mourning process, but what can I do?

net2tanz · Jun 19, 2008, 01:40 AM

Rape is a horrible experience for the victim as well as for those that care about them. Since your girlfriend is trying to get on with her life follow her lead, be supportive and allow her to make her own choices. After a an individual has experienced sexual assault the best gift that one can give them is control and the ability to make their own choices and our support. When all else fails counseling for the victim and loved ones helps.

dsfargeg · Jun 20, 2008, 12:28 AM

Originally Posted by net2tanz

Rape is a horrible experience for the victim as well as for those that care about them. Since your girlfriend is trying to get on with her life follow her lead, be supportive and allow her to make her own choices. After a an individual has experienced sexual assault the best gift that one can give them is control and the ability to make their own choices and our support. When all else fails counseling for the victim and loved ones helps.

Sadly, counseling isn't really an option for me. I'm being completely open and understanding about this. I pride myself on really being open and understanding with her, and I'm being as supportive as I can. I love her, so it's not too hard to do. But... I don't know. It's troubling me rather badly. It's just... recurring over and over again. I almost wish I never knew.

Are there any hotlines or something that can be of help for me?

Choux · Jun 20, 2008, 06:03 AM

Honestly, you don't know if this really happened. Maybe she is yanking your chain just because she can.

If it happened, it had nothing to do with you. No reason to get emotional about it. If you can't get perspective on this and lose the anger, then she is not the person for you.

dsfargeg · Jun 20, 2008, 09:46 AM

Choux, usually I would agree with you, but she is not someone who would lie about something like this. Trust me. I know you probably hear that a lot, but I was conscious of her ex, and his abusing her, to the point of calling the cops and reporting him multiple times. This is something he would do. And I believe her.

It's easy to say that it didn't happen to you, so don't worry about it. It really is. And to be honest, that's sort of counterproductive. She's had four years to deal with this, and I'm JUST now finding out about it. Don't you think your opinion on it is sort of... I don't know, rather aggressively put? I can get perspective, but you're telling me not to be angry that my girlfriend was gang raped by people we will never know for sure? Really?

Choux · Jun 20, 2008, 11:58 AM

Yes, not angry, but sad for her.

Life is lived now and in the future, not the past.

Best wishes,

net2tanz · Jun 20, 2008, 06:05 PM

I don't know where you live but here are some toll free numbers for the crisis hotline in the NV, CA AZ area 1-800-553-7273, 1-800-752-4528. Home - The Rape Crisis Center is the web cite for the rape crisis center in our area there you will be able to find more information on support groups and counseling. Anger is usually the initial response we have when bad things happen to those we care about but please do not let it consume you. As a survivor of rape myself I can tell you that a touch, a smell, a look, the smallest things can trigger the memory of that moment again and again but the anger does go away. Support groups are a great place to talk about your feelings and have someone understand how you feel. Also the rape occurred when your girlfriend was a child she may still press charges as an adult.
Good Luck

dsfargeg · Jun 21, 2008, 04:59 PM

Thankfully (not for the situation, but for the remembrance deal) she was drunk at the time, and blacked out before any of it happened. She woke up covered in semen, but she has no memories of it either than the photos they sent her at school. So she hasn't had any flashbacks or anything. Right now I'm just dealing with rage. Again, she had four years to deal with it, I'm JUST finding out.

lovenfaith · Jan 2, 2012, 03:33 AM

Well don't be upset even though it's hard not to be. You should try to be there for her. Pray about it. I would think about going to consoling together if you feel this relationship is serious, (heading toward marriage). If you are confused talk to her about it, if she is angry then so should you. File a report. Tell the headmaster at the school. Think of you as her crutches, you need to support her, even if (likely) you guys break up. If you break up she might not tell anyone else, so if you do by chance break up you need to still support her.
God bless.