Help my Ex just won't let go...

DJ 'H' · Mar 8, 2006, 08:13 AM

Ok, I was dating this guy for a couple of months last year, but I decided to call it because he talked about his ex all the time, called me by his Ex's name a few times and was so obviously on the rebound. He would constantly text her, and moan to me about her etc.

I was totally honest with him, and told him exactly why I did not want to see him anymore. He was devastated, but said he understood why and that I was right.

We went our separate ways and that was that.

Now he has started texting me and he just won't let go.

I get random messages in the middle of the night saying "I Love You" or "I miss you"

He goes from one extreme of being nice in what he texts me, to the next of being horrible.

I have text him back on occasion, but have been very blunt in what I say and made it perfectly clear that it was over and things were not going to change.

He has gone quiet again, but I know it's only a matter of days before he starts texting me again.

What do I do?? He is a good person, just very messed up. How can I handle this?

Wildcat21 · Mar 8, 2006, 08:49 AM

Is this the same guy who was sort of pursuning you when you started with Pete? The military guy?

You have to ignore him. He is looking for attention. I would advise just deleting his text and not reading them going forward.

It's kind of jaded what he is doing. He is trying to manipulate you.

fredg · Mar 8, 2006, 08:50 AM

Hi,
Ignore him.
Don't text him, don't call him, don't answer anything.
The more you do, the more he will keep trying. Make him think you aren't getting anything from him; don't answer anything. Eventually, he will stop.
It's like getting Spam in email... if you answer it, it won't stop.
Best of luck.

phillysteakandcheese · Mar 8, 2006, 08:56 AM

If he is persistent and ignoring him doesn't work, I would text him one last time to tell him that if the harassment continues, you'll make a complaint to the police. After that, I would document everything so that you've got data to backup your complaint - if it comes to that.

ldecook · Mar 8, 2006, 08:56 AM

Can you block his texts? Do it.
He obviously avoids real relationships by wallowing in those he CAN'T have.

DJ 'H' · Mar 8, 2006, 08:59 AM

Originally Posted by ldecook

Can you block his texts? Do it.
He obviously avoids real relationships by wallowing in those he CAN'T have.

I think you have hit the nail on the head!

DJ 'H' · Mar 8, 2006, 09:00 AM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Is this the same guy who was sort of pursuning you when you started with Pete? The military guy?

You have to ignore him. He is looking for attention. I would advise just deleting his text and not reading them going forward.

It's kind of jaded what he is doing. He is trying to manipulate you.

It's a different guy, but still he is also in the army (I went through a bad phase last year).

Wildcat21 · Mar 8, 2006, 10:06 AM

I think there is something wrong, and women know this, with a guy who text a lot or almost always text. I know for a FACT most women get annoyed with text VERY quickly if it's anything more than 'I am running late'.

Women want the guy to pick up the phone and call. Always.

blueiman · Mar 8, 2006, 10:08 AM

Good one. I see how you are. Love them then leave them. He will not let go he loves you... I'm sure you enjoy it when guys say this to you. Awh, I don't want to hurt him but he will not leave me alone. Do you have another boyfriend yet?. I bet not because you're enjoying the drama with this guy. Women are funny like this. Sure you want to get ride of him but at the same time you're like, wow he is giving me attention. I like it. Right?. stop leading him on. He will not let go because you're leading him on. And, you're enjoying the attention.

DJ 'H' · Mar 9, 2006, 03:28 AM

Originally Posted by blueiman

good one. i see how you are. love them then leave them. he will not let go he loves you... i'm sure you enjoy it when guys say this to you. awh, i dont want to hurt him but he will not leave me alone. do you have another bf yet?... i bet not because youre enjoying the drama with this guy. women are funny like this. sure you want to get ride of him but at the same time youre like, wow he is giving me attention. i like it. right?... stop leading him on. he will not let go because youre leading him on. and, youre enjoying the attention.

Bluimen its not like that. I have a boyfriend called Pete. Been with him over 5months and I am really happy and settled. Marc (one of the army guys I dated last year) had about 3 women on the go as well as me so that's why I walked away, plus he just used to play mind games all the time. I just saw straight through him & this other army guy, was a sweetheart, but just talked aout his ex all the time, text her all the time and even called me her name a few times - so that's why I walked away from that. He used to say that "I was filling his Ex's gap nicely" - that was no basis for a relationship.

Pete truly is a special guy and he really makes me feel like no other ever has done. I am not interested in any other guy other than Pete, he is everything I have ever dreamed of and I do not intend to let that go.

NeedKarma · Mar 9, 2006, 04:30 AM

Heh, army guys. My wife (she's a lawyer) has seen enough domestic cases and nasty divorces from a nearby base to last a lifetime.

DJ 'H' · Mar 9, 2006, 04:52 AM

Yep, its uncanny!

Wildcat21 · Mar 9, 2006, 09:04 AM

Yes Blue - you were way off there. Way off.

DJH - stay away from the mind game people - they never change.

He used to say that "I was filling his Ex's gap nicely" - how horrible is that?

confuzed · Mar 9, 2006, 09:34 AM

Awesome that you left this guy in the first place! If you can block his messages do that. A lot of cell services allow you to place restrictions. Be blunt in telling him to stop calling. You have a new guy now and you don't want this old guy to get in the way of that!

DJ 'H' · Mar 9, 2006, 09:45 AM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Yes Blue - you were way off there. Way off.

DJH - stay away from the mind game people - they never change.

He used to say that "I was filling his Ex's gap nicely" - how horrible is that?

Exactly, Exactly... Horrible!!

Oh, I stay well clear of people who play mind games, I can see straight through them and I always tell them to take a hike. I can't be doing with it. I am an adult not an teenager.

DJ 'H' · Mar 9, 2006, 09:46 AM

Originally Posted by confuzed

Awesome that you left this guy in the first place! If you can block his messages do that. Alot of cell services allow you to place restrictions. Be blunt in telling him to stop calling. You have a new guy now and you don't want this old guy to get in the way of that!

Not a bad idea. I never thought of that. Accept he has 3 different mobile numbers so I would have to get all three blocked.

NeedKarma · Mar 9, 2006, 09:51 AM

Why would anyone need 3 different mobile numbers??

DJ 'H' · Mar 9, 2006, 09:54 AM

He had a mobile initially on Pay as you go. Then he went to a contract phone on different network so it would work in Iraq. Then he ran up a huge bill and got cut off, so he then had to get a pay as you go sim card on the same network as his contract phone to use whilst in Iraq.

NeedKarma · Mar 9, 2006, 09:57 AM

Sounds like winner. :D

DJ 'H' · Mar 10, 2006, 02:06 AM

Sound slike a plan ;) Cheers guys