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grbennett · May 10, 2008, 11:31 AM

I met an amazing girl a couple of months ago. We were seeing each other every day. She would always tell me how I was good to her and how I was the only guy she'd been with who treated her right. Everything was fine until last weekend when she made herself distant from me. I asked what was wrong and she said that everything was okay and that she just wasn't used to a good relationship. I tried to believe that but I couldn't. So yesterday I texted her from work asking why she's distancing herself. She texted back telling me that she's not over her ex boyfriend. I almost threw up when I read that. For two years this guy did nothing but treat her like dirt and she only had bad things to say about him. So I went to her place last night to talk about it.
The first thing she says to me when I get to her place is that she doesn't want to hurt me but she knows she will. She told me that even though this guy was a total jerk she thinks there's a good person somewhere inside of him. I already am a good person for her though. I told her that I feel like she's not giving me a chance. It's like everything she told me before was meaningless. We didn't break up last night though. She wants me to give her today to think about things and clear her head, and she'll call me tomorrow night so we can get together and talk.
What I want to know is, should I even try anymore? We both know that she wants me and she said it last night too. The fact that she would consider going back to that creep when she has me really hurts. It's almost like she thinks she doesn't deserve me. She's the best thing I have in my life and I don't want to lose her but I don't know if it's worth all this. Even if she wants to stay together should I just dump her? Any advice would be great.

talaniman · May 10, 2008, 12:25 PM

she's not over her ex boyfriend.

Take it as truth, and don't waste any more time or emotions on this one. Yep, move on, is the thing to do, to save you not only misery and pain, but . Your dignity, and self respect as well.

grbennett · May 10, 2008, 12:34 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Take it as truth, and don't waste any more time or emotions on this one. Yep, move on, is the thing to do, to save you not only misery and pain, but . your dignity, and self respect as well.

It shocked me though because she completely cut him out of her world. He changed his e-mail address because she had his old one blocked. He e-mailed her saying he would do all the things he didn't do when they were dating, you know the things that I'm doing already. I don't know if she's told him anything yet but she was over him until he e-mailed her.

Mixwell · May 10, 2008, 12:55 PM

Don't talk to her she will realize that you're the good one and she is just running back to something she won't like anymore. Don't call or text her. Show that your running this show but don't act like your moving on.

grbennett · May 10, 2008, 01:07 PM

Originally Posted by Mixwell

dont talk to her she will realize that your the good one and she is just running back to something she wont like anymore. dont call or text her. show that your running this show but dont act like your moving on.

That's the plan so far. Last night she told me she loves me and we kissed and cuddled for a while. If she says she wants to be with me, should I stay? This is so hard for me because if she's not going to be with me, she should at least do better than him. She even said she deserves better than him. She told me that I'm perfect in so many ways. I can't tell if she wants to end it or if she is just afraid or if she is overwhelmed by actually being loved for a change.

Mixwell · May 10, 2008, 01:10 PM

Just give this time, and don't pressure her and don't bring up you should be with me and not him. She took a break on her its up to her to figure out what she wants. Its okay to cuddle but it has limits you are not dating. So don't let her have the best of both worlds, make her miss that good times you have cuddling etc the stuff you did when you and her were dating. Stay strong and let it play out.

grbennett · May 10, 2008, 01:27 PM

Originally Posted by Mixwell

Just give this time, and dont pressure her and dont bring up you should be with me and not him. She took a break on her its up to her to figure out what she wants. Its okay to cuddle but it has limits yall are not dating. so dont let her have the best of both worlds, make her miss that good times yall have cuddling etc the stuff yall did when you and her were dating. Stay strong and let it play out.

I have another question. She said she needs time to miss me. What does that even mean? If she wants to break up why doesn't she say so?

Mixwell · May 10, 2008, 01:38 PM

Im going through the same thing I learned but I think its too late. But hoping its not. Because I feel I'm different now anyway. She needs time to miss you just means she needs time, time to think, time for herself. Give her space do your own thing for a little (go chill with your friends, sports, etc) Don't talk to her unless she contacts you, if she does contact you talk with her but be short. Have her mind wonder and not yours. Take this time to give her space and take more control over this relationship. Don't make it seem like your waiting on her, man up don't let her see you stressing over this.

talaniman · May 10, 2008, 01:40 PM

While your so busy worrying about her, and her feelings, give a thought to you and yours, and do what's best for you, and don't be confused by the mixed messages, and false hopes she is sending you. Don't let her put you on the backburner in case the ex doesn't work out. Take the bull by the horns, and leave her alone. That's what I mean't by saving your dignity and self respect.

ladieedee21 · May 10, 2008, 01:41 PM

I think what ever "mixwell" is saying is correct...
I'm a girl and I never did that before... I know girlss and that will make them wonder a lot.. and make choices..
Justt keep it reall and see how things turn out to be..

ladieedee21 · May 10, 2008, 01:49 PM

If she ends up going with her ex... move on..
Your going to go through this now and in the future if you still with her... how are you going to trust her... you love her.. yes.. but does she love you.. if she does... she wouldntt fall for her exx... and would be like "my feelings are back"... I mean she wouldntt caree if her ex comes back or even any other guy who comes to her... she will know that she has no other guy then you... so why your going to waste your time.. thinking.. trying.. to find out things when it's all happening... and you seee itt happening...
Youu seem to be a very nice guy and someone who knows how to treat a girll.. that's why I'm saying move on... there are a lot of ladies out there and they would love you for who you are... and when the ex comes around... emails your girll.. trys to get her backk... or even a normal guy jusst walking on the streets... your girll would say.. there is no guy like mine... which is you..

grbennett · May 10, 2008, 01:54 PM

Originally Posted by ladieedee21

If she ends up going with her ex...move on..
your going to go through this now and in the future if you still with her...how are you going to trust her...you love her..yes..but does she love you..if she does...she wouldntt fall for her exx....and would be like "my feelings are back"...i mean she wouldntt caree if her ex comes back or even any other guy who comes to her...she will know that she has no other guy then you...so why your going to waste your time..thinking..trying..to find out things when it's all happening...and you seee itt happening...
youu seem to be a very nice guy and someone who knows how to treat a girll..that's why im saying move on...there are alot of ladies out there and they would love you for who you are...and when the ex comes around...emails your girll..trys to get her backk...or even a normal guy jusst walking on the streets...your girll would say.. there is no guy like mine....which is you..

I don't think she'll go back to him. She said there's just something that draws her to him. He's very manipulative. She said she doesn't want to lose me. I think she just feels guilty for having feelings for him at the same time she loves me. She makes it sound like I'm too good for her sometimes. I guess I'll just see what happens.

Mixwell · May 10, 2008, 01:58 PM

Remember what I said and now try not to be so good to her. Give her what she gives you. Don't be over the top with everything you do for her. Give her exactly what she deserves and she will appreciate it more, rather you just doing something really nice for no reason. Damn I wish I would realized all of this with my ex would have really worked out hope its not too late.

ladieedee21 · May 10, 2008, 02:01 PM

Snice she won't get back to him... and she doesn't want to lose you... then give her some space and time... it may be.. she thinks that way... but some gurlss are like that... you know they feel thatt this man is too good for her... but if things get better between you and her... talk to herr and make her feell.. that if you lose her.. its like losing the gift of living in this world... and make her feel that she is the only chick you want to be with.. this will make her feel that you're the only guy she will have... and if anything happens... unusuall.. get bak at me... and I will give you some advice..

talaniman · May 10, 2008, 02:13 PM

there is no guy like mine... which is you..

If she cared she wouldn't be confused, or whatever hogwash she is feeding you.

ladieedee21 · May 10, 2008, 02:22 PM

Quote:
There is no guy like mine... which is you..

If she cared she wouldn't be confused, or whatever hogwash she is feeding you.

[[I was talking about him moving on and finding a new girl who would say this to him]]
"there is no guy like mine....which is you.."

He can't continue with her if she's acting like this..
She has those feelings of her ex back... so I don't think that is what she is thinking of him now..
~~~what ever will come around.. a true girll would say that... ~~~~

grbennett · May 10, 2008, 02:26 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

If she cared she wouldn't be confused, or whatever hogwash she is feeding you.

My feelings exactly. If this was maybe four months ago, I wouldn't have stood for this. I would have dumped her last night. The problem is that now I'm all sensitive and caring. She's going to call me tomorrow night and she didn't break up with me yet. Is it all right if I try to find someone at the party I'm going to tonight? At the beginning of the relationship she told me she's done with games and drama, but that's what she just gave me. I think it's time to start living my life and quit letting her play with it.

ladieedee21 · May 10, 2008, 02:34 PM

Yes... "start living my life and quit letting her play with it."
Why tomorrow night??
Why nott todayy... what she needs time to think of being with her real man or being with her ex..
"woman..you have a man who is treating you right and now you have the feelings of your ex"
I think you should move on.. she aintt worth itt.. and that is just messed upp..
Dontt wwaste your life time.. over thiss problemm.. when you are doing everything and she not... she not that girl you wanted... so move on...

ladieedee21 · May 10, 2008, 02:35 PM

A real girl who always say

"there is no guy like minee"

Any ex or man comes to get her... or comes around... she knowss she's taken by a great man and no one could replace her man..

grbennett · May 10, 2008, 02:37 PM

Originally Posted by ladieedee21

Yes..."start living my life and quit letting her play with it."
why tomorrow night???
why nott todayy...what she needs time to think of being with her real man or being with her ex..
"woman..you have a man who is treating you right and now you have the feelings of your ex"
i think you should move on..she aintt worth itt..and that is just messed upp..
dontt wwaste your life time..over thiss problemm..when you are doing everything and she not...she not that girl you wanted...so move on....

Seriously. I'm 22 years old so I want something serious. If she thinks so low of herself that she wants to be with someone who mistreats her, then I guess I just feel sorry for her. The sad thing is that if she wants to keep going, I'll probably buckle and stay with her.