[wackymb]

K, I'm a very lost on what to think or do. Me and my husband have been fighting on and off for like 4 years. Just about little stuff. But, now it's getting serious. On Easter my husband leaves and goes fishing without inviting me and our son to go with him when he was going with both our friends. That makes me mad. He didn't listen to me the night before about the plans that were going on for Easter day. Anyway to make a long long story short. He came home later that day and I told him that I wanted to talk to see what was going on. He starts to say a bunch of crap like we got married to young, our personalities clash, and that he doesn't think we will work out anymore. He goes on saying more things, like he doesn't love me anymore. I asked about going to marriage counceling. But, he says no. So, after soaking all this in while he decides to go to sleep, I start crying really bad. Cause of course, it hurt hearing that. I asked him what I did and he says nothing. I know that's not true. I do grip a lot but, I've been telling him why for a long time now. He leaves me out of everything. I don't see how he thinks we clash. I like things that he likes. He would just rather do them with friends. I understand that every once in a while you need to go out without your spouse. But, I am the one that never gets to go anywhere. If I do, I have to take our son with me. It's like he is embarrassed of me. I am jealous of his friends and I have a right to be. So on Easter I packed some of my things and left to my sisters house. I had plan on staying there for a week but, my husband called me about something and we got to talking some and this is what he said that is bothering me really bad. He said "That this may not be the right time for us to be doing this." I asked what he meant. He said braking up with the boy being in school and stuff and then he said that we can put the brake up on hold and try to make it work. I was just so relived about trying to make it work that I came home the next day. Cause I asked him if he was actually going to put effort into it to try to make it work and not just me. He said yes. But, now thinking back on what he said... is really bothering me. Is he bringing me back long enough for school to be out for the summer and then do this brake up with me again? My husband is a different guy than most. Doesn't show emotions. Doesn't like to talk about our relationship, etc... He is showing some interest in me again. Like he asked if I wanted him to download some music for me. See he never asks me stuff like that. I asked if I still get to go to Arizona and he laughed like why are you asking me that and said that he didn't care. See that is one thing that bothers me. Every time I ask him something, it's always, I don't know or I don't care. I hate that so much. I have more to say but, I will leave you with this for now. Please I need your advise on things. What should I do? I love him so much but, I don't know if I could live here for 2 more months and then him bring up the divorce on me again. What do you all think? Sorry it's so long.

[magprob]

He wants his cake and eat it too. That leaves you without. You need to decide what is going to make YOU happy. If he really doesn't love you, you will never be happy with him no matter how much you love him. It will always be the same depressing situation. You can't stay because you have a kid together. Your fights and problems will only make your child unhappy.

[justcurious55]

magprob has some good points. And even your husband might be right. Think about it, if your guys don't clash, why do you fight all the time? If he feels he got married too young that would explain his wanting to go out with his friends and not you and/or your son. He might feel like he missed out on too much of that if he feels he got married too young. And maybe he says stuff like "i don't know" when you ask permission for things as his way of saying "it's not up to me. it's not my intention to control you."? I don't know. Just a thought. I could be totally off.

[the1unv]

I think some marriage counseling would be great for you two, if he will not that tells the story. It does not matter how much you love someone, if the love is not mutual, you have nothing. I don't like to see any ones marriage end, especially with children involved. It is not good for your son to see all of this fighting though. It does not sound like your husband is abusive or mean to you, just more or less not involved with you. It can sometimes be better for your children to split. If dad will still be around for the child, to spend some time with him, that would be great. I don't believe any child should be stuck in the middle of adult fighting. It would be much better for him to live in a calm and loving home even if that means he only has you in that home. It is always better to have two parents at home, however that is just not possible sometimes.
Have you talked to your husband about setting aside one night a week for "family fun" so to speak. One night a week where you and your husband could sit down with your son and spend some time together. You could play a board game or put together a puzzle, and for the record a family fun night is not sitting around together watching TV. It has to be something in which there is communication. This may or may not help your relationship with your husband, it will however show your son that you can be civilized and most important. It will show him you both care about him and a willing to spend time with him. I know your marriage is important, but your son should top the list right now.
Mike

[talaniman]

I do believe you did the right thing by leaving, but caved in, and came back. Communications is very important, and neither of you have learned each others languauge. No wonder you argue. If you cannot learn to talk and listen and work together, seek help or leave. If your just going to give in and not resolve anything what's the point? Maybe you could benefit from some counseling yourself and find ways to get on the same page with him. Something tells me this isn't ALL his fault. Does he interact with his own child?

[Fr_Chuck]

Stay separated for now, and start to "date" and start counseling, if he wants to work things out he will, if he refuses he really does not want to work things out.

[K_3]

While your son is finishing school this year, sit back and evaluate your life. Your husband sounds as though he has communication issues and also sounds quite selfish and thinks of himself first. You cannot change another person. You need to look at yourself and work on making you happy. Do not expect someone else to do that for you. Do you work? Take up an exercise program, that always makes one feel good inside and out. Walk everyday. Do you have a hobby? Do you have a close friend? Start interacting with others.
When you start feeling good about yourself and being happy others want to be around you. You may find you do not want him anymore. When you change your reactions, it can change his actions and you may not fight so much and things will be good.
We often get caught up in thinking we cannot do without someone and we love them beyond belief, when it is all an illusion, in reality you may not really love him or anything about him. Make a list of all of his good points and then his bad ones. Which is the longer list?
You say you have a son and you have to take him with you.. Take him places, do fun things, make him happy. My X husband did not do much with us. My girls and I went camping, fishing, skiing, biking etc. We all have good memories. There are many people in this world to enjoy, do not depend on one for all of your joy, especially when he does not want to give you joy. Make your own.
I am now with someone and we make each other happy.






When you are having fun and not griping at your husband, he just may join in on the fun.
good luck

[N0help4u]

Be a positive person. Don't gripe or nag. Do everything you can to make it work with the time he has stated. In the meantime do as K_3 said and use the time to evaluate everything.
If he wants to go out with his friends go out with yours. If he treats you like he just wants a maid and doesn't try and make it work leave him before he gets to say again that it won't work. Like Taliman said you caved in... next time you leave do not cave in.

[hollylovesbrandon]

You have trigger a fire in him. Stop cleaning the house, stop washing his clothes. Go out and do what makes you feel good without consulting him or telling him where you're going or when you will be back. If the worry doesn't kick in in him and he still seems uninterested and grouchy... tell him that it's over. And don't give in this time when you leave... especially after a short time. Just ignore him for a few weeks doing what you want to do. Then, if necessary, leave. And leave for a few weeks. See if he calls. If he cares enough to call and try to work it out after a few weeks then do it. But make HIM put forth the effort, you've done it by yourself for quite long enough.