[BMI]

Hey mrbo,

Sorry about your girl, its never easy.

My take on the situation is that it's over, over for now, over for later, you yourself are going to determine how much suffering you will face.

Seems as if your mind is asking a lot of questions about why she would do this, why she would say this. It really is quite simple, WHO KNOWS? You can sit and wonder, analyze thoughts and actions but overall it really does not matter why she said she what she did, she certainly is not going to sit with you and clarify what was/is going through her head.

Some posts say she said what she did to let you down easy, you feel as if she really did/does love you, I say both could be true but really, will you ever know?

So a much better more constructive thing to do would be to focus ALLLLL your energy on walking away (you'll need it my friend). You will hurt, you will want to call, you will wonder why she hasn't called, you will think she has moved on, you will think she lied during the relationship, all the wonderful things that accompany a break-up. However, you will move on, you will laugh someday, you will be able to think of her and not care, you will see the big picture. Like I said before, how soon you wish to see the latter is totally up to you.

Lastly, you mentioned that you do not want to seem weak in front of her. Pretending your not weak is still pretending, deep down you know you are in front of her. Point is that as crazy as it seems or sounds, not contacting her will be a reflection of how strong you really are and that is where you will get your self-confidence back and begin coming out of this with knowledge and self-worth. LEarn from it or you stand to lose a lot more than just a girl in the future.

All the best.

[duck22]

hmmm...its hard to swallow, but why wont she just admit that ? I dont understand aqll the lying..i mean she never lied to me once yet ???

I wish there was a definite answer for that. I ask myself the same questions you are. I was with my girl for over 4 years. Everything was great between us and we both thought we would live the rest of out lives together. She told me that I was her best friend and that she loves me to death.

When the spring semester began (we both are college students in different schools less then an hour away) she started acting distant. When I asked her about it she gave the whole "i love you but I need some space" speel. She told me there was nobody else because (that was what my gut instinct was telling me so I had to ask). I loved her and trusted her so I reluctantly agreed to the break.

During this break she would call about every other day to talk. It seemed like this was only temporary and that we would get back together soon. She still told me that she loves me at this time. I was so confused, If she loves me and I am her best friend then why isn't she with me? I found the answer out about two weeks later (on my own might I add), she was with another guy since the day of our so called "break".

I felt like I got stabbed in the back. Why would she tell me that she loves me and I am her best friend but leave me for somebody else? Why did she lie to me when I asked her if there was anybody else. Why couldn't she just be honest about the whole situation. Does she still love me? These are the questions that bug me the most. You analyze everything and look for answers but in the end you do not have any and you are more confused.

I may never know the answers to those questions. I only wish that she was honest with me. I would have been able to forgive her.

[duck22]

I would love to get out of this pothole...trust me! I dont know why im so hung up on her and naive...

At this point if i already have lost her...why not just call and try to find out the truth ? At least i would know then and it would most deffinately help me get over her ? Im not trying to be pushy or "that guy"...but all i expect is the truth. I would rather her tell me "ive found someone else" than this long lying stuff.....

If i had that answer i would never think twice about her again.....but while in this "no contact" mode...ill never know and just drive myself crazy.....

I do apreciate your guys help and answers....thank you.

I tried this all already. I asked her if this was an easy break up because she found somebody else. She still lied about it and said no. I found out on my own about her seeing somebody else and had to talk to her one last time to see if its true. I knew it was true but I just needed to here it from her. I called her and when I asked her she was in shock and initially played it off. After she admitted to it and I informed her that because of what she did (lies and deceitful ways) I will never speak to her again.

Did it make me feel better? No, I think about her all day and night and I thought this would give me some closure. All I am left with are my memories and a list of unanswered questions with no answers.

[mrbo]

Hmm... it seems I'm driving myself crazy here... you guys are right.

Im just going to forget about it and give her the space she asked for in the first place. I got to be the better person and even if she is lying to me, its only her loss.. as she will have to sleep with that forever.

My instinct tells me that she's not with anyone else, but well just wait and see how she is in a few weeks... I mean I got to get my things from her house anyway... nothing left to loose really is there.. and I deffinately got to snap out of this mood as its causing me stress at work, can't eat, sleep etc etc

[duck22]

Yea it sucks and I feel your pain. Try joining a gym or going out with your buddies more. That's should help ease your mind some.

[mrbo]

Yea it sucks and I feel your pain. Try joining a gym or going out with your buddies more. Thats should help ease your mind some.

Yeah man... im going to do just that and stop driving myself nuts... I know at the end of the day that I have come into this with a clean heart...

[Romefalls19]

Mrbo... I was kind of in the same situation as you are. My ex broke up with me because of my jealousy but was crying her eyes out wishing it didn't have to be this way and hope I change. I took this as a string of hope, so what did I do? I went to a therapist, am taking courses on my jealousy(doing very well) and reading books on the subject and have actually taking a liking to reading. Then only to find out, "her feelings have changed and doesn't want to be with me again, but there isn't anyone else. I just want to go out with my girlfriends" yea BULLCRAP! She was seeing this guy, not while we dated or anything, but it was an excuse and now she wants to be "friends" but I won't do it. She texts me sometimes, telling me she didn't have feelings for him while we dated, at first I responded saying things like "it doesn't matter anymore, we are over, you're free to go do you" and now I just don't respond. Just let her go man, ease the pain on yourself now. I feel 10x better, I go to the gym 6 days a week, am talking to girls. While I am still healing, each day gets better. I no longer wait for a call, or look at my phone hoping for her text. It will get better

Never let someone become a priority when you're just their option

[mrbo]

This really all amazes me... wish I would have known about this forum when I went through my divorce a few years ago! Thanks for the advice everyone!

[mrbo]

Never let someone become a priority when you're just their option

Your right... although I will be the better person, give her that time and in the end ill know just by her actions if she is a real friend or not.

Main thing is that I get out of this rut and get back on my game and handle biz & my side projects.

[Romefalls19]

Your game will come back to you, don't rush it ha ha..

[mzpsyc]

Hey man! So sorry for you! At least now you know what she wants- time to focus on what you need! I know you've still got feelings for her, but let her go- focus on your creativity and yourself, it will get you through this. I know it feels really raw now and it will for a loooong while. Might be an idea to get your stuff and then keep away for a looong time, just to heal a bit you know. She says she wants you as a friend- that's a bit like the carrot on a stick. If you want to prolong the feeling of "what if" then the friend thing is a great idea. The ball is in your court now- the only person who can make you feel better is you. Try not to analyse what might have gone wrong, you will never find out-chances are nothing did. Feelings unfortunately change. Try to be strong and get on with your life, lean on your friends and keep busy, things will improve.

[mrbo]

UPDATE:

My Ex and I spoke yesterday for quite some time on the phone and it looks like its just a timing thing (she text me... fyi). She says that she just wants to focus on school, herself, self development and whatnot now while she is young...

Im glad that she seems to at least be telling me the truth... or as much of the truth as she possibly can... ohwell...

She still wants to remain friends and whatnot... which is OK too.

Onwards and upwards :) Maybe another 25/26 ish year old would cure my pain... maybe not... who knows, but I'm not sitting around waiting for someone that really doesn't appreciate me 100%! Whatever the story is...

Thank you all for the support and advice... its a good thing that places like this exist.

[talaniman]

I'm glad your taking that approach, and just know you are not alone in your pain, as I think we all go through that pain, on our journey through life. It does get better, and much luck!

[muzicmanboy]

I'm sorry dude, and I know you do not want to hear this OK?
But she's not been faithful and has been cheating on you. She had to have been to break up like that. The reason why I know is because I am going through the same thing. My girl that I love so much will still say over and over how much she loves me, but she "can't be with me because it is what's best." I showered the girl with everything and now she's stabbed me in the back. In fact, the only thing that takes me out of the boat you're in, is that she had told one of her friends that me and her were nothing... Shocking right? Just think about it
She's got one of those friends right? The dudes that are always there
Well they're always there...
Sadly enough