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Spontaneouslemon · Dec 16, 2007, 03:01 PM

So my boyfriend doesn't seem to like sex as much as other guys do. He's very open about this, and tells me this as if I should be proud of it. He tells me he doesn't think about sex as much as other guys do, and he masturbates 1-2 times a week. (Is this normal?)
I really do value this, as I know he is with me for me, and not for sex. We have been together for about 2 years now, and he have only had sex like 2 times.
We do fool around a lot, but that is what we mostly do (everything BUT sex).
It is very difficult because we both still live with our parents. But even when my parents are out, or his parents are out, he doesn't feel the need to have sex, which I would have expected from a guy. He is my first serious boyfriend, so I'm not sure what I should be expecting.
GUYS, if you are with your girlfriend, and the parents are out, wouldn't you insist on taking advantage of the situation? Do you usually make the first move, or does she?
I just feel like I have a higher sex drive than my boyfriend, and was wondering if any of these are recurrent in other relationships, and if there is any way that I can boost my boyfriend's sex drive, and get things a little more heated than they are now?

THANKS!;)

Xrayman · Dec 16, 2007, 03:08 PM

mmm interesting issue. We are all different, so his sex drive versus yours is alitttle strange. 2X sex in 2 years... I'd suspect there may be other issues here. That is unusual. I'm sure your technique/approach has nothing to do with it-you are more sexual-good for you, however I think you may become bored with this eventually-are you satisfied sexually with this??

oneguyinohio · Dec 16, 2007, 03:17 PM

If he doesn't see it as a problem, and you do, then that is the issue. You should voice your concerns to him that you want it more often, and with him taking the lead sometimes as well... If you can't reach an agreement, or come to terms with what he is willing to give, then find other ways to meet your needs.

Is that what it will take you to feel special and fulfilled?

This is the kind of thing that makes guys crazy... one person says guys only have one thing on their mind, and then others flip out if a guy doesn't have it on his mind??

Spontaneouslemon · Dec 16, 2007, 03:17 PM

Well we lost our virginity with each other, so it's sort of a new thing for us. I don't think it can be an issue in the relationship. But I'm not very satisfied with this sexually, I would like him to take over on a few things. I'm not sure if he just wants to appear like he isn't that into sex, because he thinks it will make me happy.
I mean do guys ever just want to be with their girlfriend and not have sex?
Or is it normal for a guy to not feel like having sex, or fooling around even if his girlfriend is obviously in the mood?

Spontaneouslemon · Dec 16, 2007, 03:21 PM

Haha no I'm not flipping out. It doesn't bother me to the extent that it could be problematic to our relationship. It just would be nice to get a little more.
I'm not sure how this can evolve in the long-term though. But I do believe that I would have to take the driver's seat in keeping sex fresh and new, as I'm not sure if he really cares for that or not. I may be wrong. I could talk to him about it, but he gets a bit shy when it comes to that.

Xrayman · Dec 16, 2007, 03:41 PM

If he gets Shy about it, then perhaps you are not mature enough to be having sex?

Spontaneouslemon · Dec 16, 2007, 04:12 PM

No, we are mature enough. We're not that young (Over 18). And We're both very mature people, and communicate very well about mostly anything. I don't think shy was the right term. I just feel like he may be afraid to express himself sexually, because he doesn't want to have the image that guys have of being "perverted".

oneguyinohio · Dec 16, 2007, 04:48 PM

Keep the talk going, and it will get more comfortable after time for open communication... give him time to think and reason out answers... sometimes a guy needs that time.

Xrayman · Dec 16, 2007, 05:09 PM

Twice in two years?? How much time does he want to "discuss" the issue before he's comfortable enough? I think that there may be some underlying issue here.

Choux · Dec 16, 2007, 06:52 PM

No passion in a man?. that is *very* unusual for a man in his peak age range for sexual arousal. Have you considered that you two are "just friends"? My opinion, time for you to expand your life experiences like a real woman and end clinging to this guy... assuming you are twenty or over. You sound like you have intelligence, so use it! Live and love and learn...

oneguyinohio · Dec 16, 2007, 07:22 PM

You have a point about that 2 times... sorry I misread that part... wonder what he is thinking about during his times of going solo... seems like he should be directing some of that attention your way? What are the circumstances around the two of you getting together? Any health issues? Religious beliefs? Or anything like that which might play a role with him? Could he like you so much he is afraid of spoiling his image of you by doing something nasty?? Just a lot of guesses... Does he feel any responsibility for pleasing you?

simoneaugie · Dec 17, 2007, 12:23 AM

Do both of you fully understand that sex is not a perversion? It's normal. If he believes that falling off his self-made pedestal will cause him to be a pervert, like those other guys, where will the two of you be 15 years from now?

Spontaneouslemon · Dec 17, 2007, 03:41 PM

SOLVED! Thank you guys for your responses!
I talked to him about it, and it isn't so much that his libido is down. We were just never very open about our sexuality.
Communication is always the way to go..
Thanks again!