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MLB33 · Jan 10, 2008, 07:32 PM

Hey, Im kind of in the same situation as you man. Im in day 4 of NC. I'm not going to lie, I love her to death. But haven't contacted her at all since she broke it off because she just wanted time with her friends. But of course she still loves me and doesn't want anybody else. I did see her in a parking lot and she waived, I just kept going. It killed me. Anyway, I think Im doing the right thing with the NC. Just bear with me and tell me if this makes sense. Do you think she believes Im mad at her? I mean, could this in any way stop her from wanting me back?

aboleth · Jan 10, 2008, 07:57 PM

MLB,

She will decide on her own if she wants you back. She will call. No Contact is appropriate here. You do the no contact for yourself, so you can move on. If she isn't calling you, she's not interested. Don't wonder if you're making her mad by not calling her, it's just torture, and ultimately, you cannot control the situation. Don't be outright mean, if she sees you on the street and says hello, say hello back, but keep it short and tell her you've got stuff to do, and you have to go. If she's serious about dating you, she'll attempt to make it right.

Romefalls19 · Jan 11, 2008, 06:37 AM

Good answer Aboleth.. I'm in a similar situation as MLB only my ex broke it off because of my jealousy and it pushed her so far away. I did the whole begging for another chance, the crying "please baby" routine and it didn't work. So now I am doing the NC road in hopes she does return, but it's also helping me to move on and become stronger. I'm still taking my jealousy courses, my therapy visits and reading my books. I use to check her myspace tons of times a day.. Now I haven't checked it since the day before New Years. I had the urge to in the beginning, but now I don't care :-) Ignorance is bliss

Maggie83 · Jan 11, 2008, 06:53 AM

Yesterday was a real struggle for me... I hated myself all day and put myself down but speaking to my friend last night hit home a few things that were bad about the relationship on both our parts... now I feel like I can start to move on and let my feelings for her go id still like her back but I'm at the point now where I'm thinking if its meant to be it will rather than hope she'll come back

N/C all the way for me from now on... its time I sorted myself out and started thinking about me and only me! I'll have bad times and I hope you guys will be there to help me but its time I let go!

Romefalls19 · Jan 11, 2008, 06:57 AM

I'm here for you, we are in the same boat. I still hope she sees my changing and comes back. I think she's worried that if she comes back right now that I will stop changing and go back to how I was. The only way to prove otherwise is to move on, keep getting help with my jealousy and hope for the best. But I'm doing the NC road. My 5th day today. Yesterday was rough because I saw her at work. I wanted to curl up into a ball, but then when I got home I got good news of me passing my jealousy course, and a phone call from my instructor saying he has never seen someone so determined and motivated before. So I am now onto course number 2 with the same motivation and even more determination.

George_1950 · Jan 11, 2008, 06:57 AM

I think it may be a good exercise to write out the 'pros' and 'cons' of the dumper. I find myself doing that often in my mind, which does some good, but it may be better to actually write it down because it may separate some of the emotion from fact.

Romefalls19 · Jan 11, 2008, 06:59 AM

See George, I would do that. But to be honest, I was completely at fault. I have tried to think of things she did wrong, but I couldn't come up with any. There's a song that I heard "I want to hate you so bad, but I can't" I'm right in that boat. She really was perfect for me. I spent 3 long days of no sleep thinking of cons and came up with stupid ones like not talking out a fight. Live and learn I guess

talaniman · Jan 11, 2008, 07:13 AM

thinking of cons and came up with stupid ones like not talking out a fight. Live and learn I guess

That would seem a biggie to me, as the way a couple resolves their issues, is paramont to a healthy relaionship. Unresolvved or ignored issues tend to comeback, and you fight somemore. Just me though, there has to be communication, somewhere along the line when problems come up. Trust me, none of us is perfect, and neither is your ex. Something's that are negative, we can accept, but others are not, you may accept her not talking through a problem, I do not. Get her off that pedestal, and look at her in a realistic light. I guarantee she has her own issues to work on, we all do.

Romefalls19 · Jan 11, 2008, 07:26 AM

Lol.. Yea, but the thing was, 9/10 times when I would want her to talk out a fight, it would be really late at night and while the fight would be resolved, I would still press the issue. Something I learned about after reading a few books, basically beating a dead horse. Yea she had a few negative aspects and I will try to find some more. I will have to think more level headed now, since I am going NC with her

Maggie83 · Jan 11, 2008, 07:32 AM

Me and my ex never really fought... we'd bicker about silly things I can only remember us having maybe three real fights in six years we were both pretty easy going... I think that was the problem lol no spark!

Romefalls19 · Jan 11, 2008, 07:35 AM

It sucks Maggie... But all we can do is hope that time A. heals our wounds and makes us better and wiser and B. Brings them back to us. Some people don't like to hear about wanting them to come back... But honestly, I want her back. On here I can be completely honest, just around others I have to "be strong"

talaniman · Jan 11, 2008, 08:14 AM

When you have been through the whole process of healing, you will know what you want, and can be realistic about it. Everyone wants the ex back, at the beginning of a break up.

Romefalls19 · Jan 11, 2008, 08:19 AM

Very true... I know one day I'll feel better, but this is how I feel now. I wish the whole NC process worked quicker ha ha... And no, not quicker as in her getting in touch with me, quicker as in healing. I want to fall asleep but can't and if I do I'm only dreaming of her and waking up feeling worse.

Maggie83 · Jan 11, 2008, 08:22 AM

If I'm honest I still want her back but I'm trying to take steps now that I've been frightened of in the past instead of waiting instead of hoping/waiting for her to come back I'm actively seeking to move on for the first time which shows I'm at least now coming to terms with things... its going to be tough but I'm going to give it my best shot!

Romefalls19 · Jan 11, 2008, 08:24 AM

Yea, I am coming to terms with the fact she is gone. But then when her friends tell you "you never know" it kind of makes you stop and think. I came very close to talking to her yesterday and just asking if she missed me and still thinks of me. But NC means just that. I'll be fine, as soon as I get her out of my mind. Each day it's going to get better and better.

Maggie83 · Jan 11, 2008, 08:31 AM

You will never know, none of us do I know people that never thought their ex would caome back but they did and they tried again... also I know people who's ex's came back to find it was too late! Don't live in hope, just live!

You'll have ups and downs, we all have.. my ex has driven me crazy by messing me around but you can only take so much hurting before they drop of the pedestal and you see them as just a person, one you loved but at the end of the day just a person

Romefalls19 · Jan 11, 2008, 08:33 AM

Very true.. It's a very very hard road and one I wasn't looking forward to taking on... I wish I had changed while we were together, but either way, I'm still going to do my changing and just see where life takes me.

BMI · Jan 11, 2008, 08:33 AM

I agree with talaniman, I TRIED to break out a greeny but it said I have to spread some reputation around first? What's all that? Sorry talaniman:(

I think what both of you guys are doing is aces, honestly, you should be proud of yourselves. Talaniman was bang on telling you to get her down from her pedestal, if you keep her up there it will be harder for you.

I was stubborn, stupid, and a bit crazy over my girl and now a moment of clarity has put things into perspective and going N/C makes sense and is well worth the early stages of suffering. BOTH of you will have bad days but it will be worth it when she creeps slowly out of your head and you'll wonder what the hell made you care so much. At the end of the road you will see that not thinking about her constantly is a much better reward than her herself:) I am amazed at how good it can be, FINALLY be able to think about something other than her. STAY STRONG, you'll get there soon guys.

Romefalls19 · Jan 11, 2008, 08:49 AM

BMI how long ago did your relationship end... Any chance you can tell how long you did no contact for and just basic details about what happened... It would help us out to her a success story with getting over that person

BMI · Jan 11, 2008, 09:11 AM

LOL! A success story, hardly:)

I went 3 months N/C and I was where you guys are now after a couple of weeks and then it got much better. I caved after 3 months and called her and the insanity and worry came back all at once. For 3/4 months I spoke to her trying to win her back playing games and interpreting actions and I know no more about what is going on with her now than I knew 6 months ago. All the while the good people here said go N/C and move on, I didn't listen and pushed my own views on the subject.

Fast forward to last week, I blocked all contact with her (again). I recall seeing one of you guys saying that you don't check myspace anymore, well I did you better and had a computer guy BLOCK myspace, Facebook and MSN from my computer, only the guy from the store knows the password and I told him to never tell me should I ever come round to ask. It's been 7 days since I cannot see, talk, look at pictures, and I am somuch better than I thought I would be, really. I thinkaboutother things and when I get an urge to check her stuff I cannot not, and I don't care really, I'll never know, that makes it easier to deal with, I just won't know:)

So my story is in full support of what you guys are doing. Different in a sense that I already went N/C for 3 months and I'm sure its made this N/C stage a lot easier than where your at now. However, be vigilant and stand behind the decision you have made, as with me I went 3 months and out of nowhere I was dialing her number, always be aware of the "craving" to call and destroy your N/C. PLEASE listen to allon the website whotell you it's the best thing you'll do for yourself, don't be a fool like me and waste months thinking about her only to come back and start again. I can't reiterate enough how wonderful thinking about things other than her has felt for the past week, I think its called sanity:)