[KKG7106]

:confused: To start off, my boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half. I'm 22 and he is 27. He works full-time and I am a full time college student in my senior year and plan on graduating in May. As soon as I graduate, we plan to start saving up to put a down payment on a house together. Our relationship, for the most part, is good. We have our arguements over things, but we usually can talk anything out. He has his faults but he is a good, hard-working, honest, caring, affectionate man. I really feel like I have found "the one." Or I did until last night. Now I have some doubts.
That being said, last night, I was on his computer and came across a folder in his documents that was filled with pornographic pictures. I was pretty shocked because when I asked him if he looks at porn when I'm not around he said no. Now, I know you're probably all thinking that I'm naive for having believed this, since many many guys look at porn. But I just didn't think he would lie to me. When I confronted him last night, he seemed really embarrassed by it, couldn't look me in the eye, and wanted to leave. (He has a habit of avoiding things, rather than working them out, something I am trying to help him work through.) I asked him not to leave and to talk to me about it, however at this point, I was in tears and not in my calmest state of mind. I explained to him that I felt as though there was something wrong with me, that I wasn't good enough that when we weren't together, he had to look at other naked women to please himself. I asked him why he couldn't just think about us when he was feeling "lonely." He didn't seem to have an answer for me. When I asked him what was wrong with me and why am I not enough for me, he kept insisting that it has nothing to do with me and he finds me beautiful and attractivfe. When I asked him why he needs to look at it, he said he doens't need it and he doesn't know why he did it. After realizing how much this hurt me, he apologized over and over and said he would delete it. I told him I was willing to compromise by watching it with him or exploring other areas to make it more exciting in the bedroom for him, which he seemed interested in.
So...where I'm at now, is that we talked, and I do feel better, better than last night anyway...I'm trying to work past the hurt I feel, but it's hard for me to let it go. I got really offended when I asked a friend if he thinks I'm overreacting and his reply was "oh all guys look at porn, just get over it." I don't feel I should have to "get over it." It's something that really hindered my self-esteem, hurt my feelings, and made me completely inadaquate. I'm having such a hard time understanding WHY a man in a committed, loving relationship would feel the need to look at other naked women. I feel as though the only one he should be aroused by is me, his girlfriend. I realize he hasn't cheated, but it almost feels as though he has...he looked at other girls' naked body parts..this has really hurt me. I don't know at this point how to move foward in the relationship. I know I need to either leave him, or move on, and I don't want to leave him. He has many many good qualities and not only that, he's my best friend in the world. But what I don't know...is how to get over this and not feel so down on myself. I know I'm pretty, I don't really feel that before this, I had issues with my self esteem. But now, I feel like there's something wrong with me or I'm not attractive enough to him to make him want to look at other women. I'm really hurting right now and I don't know what to do. It's not ok in my book to look at porn while in a relationship, and I don't want to compromise my values. I feel its disrespectful to our relationship..and to me. I believe he now understands how much this hurts me and that I feel betrayed...but how do I just FORGIVE him and move on?

[BiWiccanAndProud]

Well... sorry to say but you should "just get over it". Truly! Every guy I know looks at porn, I LOOK AT PORN! And it's not that I'm not satisfied with my boyfriend, I love him with all my heart and sex? Nothing to complain about! It's just something to look at really. When he's alone maybe he just want's something to look at... I can gaureentee that if he had some naked photos of you he would look at those instead :P. Sometimes it's hard to conjure a naked image of the one you love so you need to find something else. Again, I look at and read porn, and my boyfriend does too! It's not that we can't satisfy each other it's just we can't get horny by ourselves just thinking of each other. Sure I think of my boyfriend and I think of his hands on my body and it gets me a bit horny... but I can conjure up an image of him, to add on the main thing I think of when I think of him is how much I love him.

Have you thought of that? That when he thinks of you the first thing he thinks of isn't sex? And that's why he turns to porn?

It's nothing to worry about honey! It really isn't! Just cause he looks at porn doesn't make him love you any less ^.~

[sdHondaGrl]

How weird, I kind of went through the same thing tonight! Sort of...

I got on our computer and opened the "favorites" tab and down at the bottom was a free porn site. Now right off the bat, I will admit that I OCCASIONALLY watch porn when I'm alone and in "the mood". It's not a frequent habit. And I know that most, if not all guys watch or look at porn so that's not something I can change.

However, it felt as though my heart did stop for a moment and for what reason, I don't know? Maybe because of the same reason you did; I felt inadequate. Why would he want to watch some random chick get off when his girlfriend is more than willing to satisfy his sexual needs, right?? I've been through it before with an ex-boyfriend. Unforuntately in that situation he cared more about what he WANTED than what I NEEDED and needless to say we're not together anymore. Anyway, the point is I know my boyfriend didn't do it to hurt me, and since he's working late tonight, I'm working on a letter expressing my feelings right now.

My advise to you, as someone going through the same thing is since he's already feeling guilty for him hurting your feelings, is just give it time. Just like everything else, this will pass and who knows; maybe this was the beginning of you guys opening new doors or trying new things out in the bedroom! You're obviously not going to get over it overnight, but with time, you two will be okay :)