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Ann1120 · Sep 27, 2005, 04:51 PM

Hi my name's Ann and I just had a question about a special person in my life. He was in a very committed relationship for about 5 years and they were engaged. He has told me that she was the only person that he really cared about and loved very much. They have been broken up for months now but I can still tell that he's not completely over her yet. They even met up today to exchange whatever possessions they had between them and she started crying and yatta yatta yatta. THe reason they broke up is because of her family mainly her mother. She (mother) was only being a mother and thinking about the best for her daughter and she thought he wasn't good enough because he was a "troublemaker". HE's not a felon or anything but he has done his share. Now I try to help him out as much as I can because I genuinly love him but it looks like whatever I say and do nothing changes. What can I do and say to make him feel much better and to try to at least forget about her?? Please help!! :confused:

Wildcat21 · Sep 27, 2005, 05:48 PM

Get these kids back together!! Now!!

They broke up because of her freaking mother??

PLEASE!! For the love of god get them back together!!

He'll feel better WHEN they get back together!!

s_cianci · Sep 28, 2005, 05:33 PM

He's obviously on the rebound, so nothing you could say or do is going to make him feel better or forget about her. It's very kind of you to be so concerned about him but this is something he's going to have to work through for himself. You didn't provide very many details about the dynamics of their relationship when it existed or why they broke up, other than to make a vague reference to her family, with emphasis on her mother. I might suggest that you convince him that he's better off without her, but it's hard to say how or why without more information. Perhaps you could take whatever knowledge you have about the situation and point out to him all the negatives that would result from their remaining together ; chances are he's probably not thinking about that right now, so someone should point that out to him.

Wildcat21 · Sep 28, 2005, 09:41 PM

Nope - they need to get back together. The mother should NOT be a factor. 5 years is too long to throw away over someone's freaking mother.

Tony2005 · Sep 29, 2005, 03:36 AM

You are required to know the reason why her mother objected on this relationship. You need to know from what angle her mother is looking at this relationship and only then you can go ahead discussing with your friend.

letmeno · Sep 29, 2005, 08:24 PM

I agree, Five Years? That is an investment of time and dedication. I am curious to know what it is that her mother objects to myself. After a long term relationship, one month is not enough time to get him back in order. If he isn't a fugitive from the law, or a lord in a columbian drug ring or this wasn't an abusive relationship, or anything that could jepordize her health or life then what is it about him that upsets her mother so much?

fredg · Sep 30, 2005, 06:28 AM

Hi,
There really isn't much you can say or do.
If they broke up over a Mother, then you are up against a losing battle.
He will have to work this out by himself; it's between him, her, and Mom; not you.
Best of luck,
fredg

dimples · Sep 30, 2005, 09:14 AM

I know a lot will kill me for saying this but in a lot of cases, "Mommy knows best". Maybe that's female intuition. A friend of mine broke up with her man & we pitied the guy thinking her mother was so ruthless & stuff we helped them back together. Turns out, she was right all along & the guy is a TOTAL PSYCHOPATH. Her mom found out he was threatening people to get money & that is how he makes his LIVING. So, check out what is her reason for this dislike. Maybe there is reason for her to do so.

Chery · Sep 30, 2005, 02:02 PM

Thank you dimples! And Wildcat - not all Moms are 'freaking'. Mine was, and maybe yours was, but believe me you can't put us moms all in one barrel!

When my daughter got married, I helped her with her bridal shower, wedding, the whole works, knowing that he was not the right one for her and I did tell her so. But we moms also know that we have to let our kids make their own mistakes, so on she went. Now she is leaving him after 7 years and when she told me she was leaving him, she told me I was right for all the reasons that I objected to begin with, so what does that tell you. Thank goodness he was not a wife-beater like my ex, but laid back and let her do all the work and leaned on her instead of sharing things with her and supporting her emotionally, he expected her to be like his mom. And now he uses me as a sounding board, has learned how to cook and clean house, take out the trash, and wash laundry, in hopes she'll come back. I told him he will probably be of benefit to another woman, but never my daughter again as that is too late. She found someone now who she likes, and guess what she brought him to me first to check out this time - and I wish I could get him cloned for me. So, kids of today, please don't think we don't know what we are talking about, because we do and you'll one day come and say "you were right". It never hurts to listen to advice, you always have a right to make your own choice, but don't blame us moms if your choices are wrong. Not all moms wear blinders and know more than you think. Guess what wildcat, I can read men like a book, so none of you can get past me ever again. No offense!

Chery · Sep 30, 2005, 02:17 PM

To Ann1120. Did you ever think that he just might be using you and your help to convince her to go back to him. Men's egos are a strange thing. Just like our PMS. You can't tell if he's being totally truthful unless you live with him or have know him since childhood. Human beings have the ability to make great actors, otherwise we would not be entertained so well on the TV and Movies. Nobody needs to be a criminal to be incompatible. An what do we most want - it's stuff we had after it's gone... because we can't believe that we did anything wrong sometimes. I'm not saying women are saints and men are devils, sometimes it can be the other way around, but we are all different and have the ability and right to make decisions and choices. That's what makes up the world. You can listen to your 'friend' talk with him and encourage him. But you can't make another human being feel the same way about him as you do.

letmeno · Sep 30, 2005, 06:53 PM

No, you can not put all mom's in a barrell. But I must say this, if my mother told me that she did not like a boyfriend, I know that there is a reason. For the simple fact that she has been there, done that, a lot more wise than I am and therefore is a better judge of character than I am, and only wants the best for me. You do have to let your children learn from there own mistakes, not only that but the bottom line is that they are going to do what they want to do regardless. I trust my mothers advice 110%

dimples · Oct 1, 2005, 02:04 PM

I think mothers should be given credit for caring so much. In a way, moms can be annoying sometimes sticking their noses where they shouldn't be but in the long run, you can't help be thankful she looked out for you.