[Chantelle86]

Ok, this is going to be long, but I need to sort it out! So I've been with my partner six years an hAve too beautiful sons, the first three years was good, anyway got pregnant with my second son and towards the end of the pregnancy an OLD FLAME got bk in contact with me via Facebook! Baring in mind this guy was like the guy whom I adored, don't know wha it was there was just summit between us, connected in such a way, OK
SO HE WAS YOUR TYPICAL BAD BOY! But don't know even though he messed me about there was summit, an the only reason it stopped was because I left the town; ran away frm
Home, was 17! Anyway moved to Another town an well moved on, but I never forgot about him, I even thort I would never see him again! Three years past and then BOOM! He found me on Fb an sad as it sounds I cried couldn't believe it, but I'd moved on had a child an one on the way, and never compenplated cheAting!! Anyway after I gave birth I went bk to the town I left an met him!! SEEING HIM FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THREE YEARS WAS GREAT! I mean talk about butterflys, yet it was like we'd never been apart, them eyes of his everything it all came bk of what it was like.. So then it happened I cheated made regular trips to go an see him, anyway came bk home an told my partner everything about him; that I cheated, he forgave me an I promised I'd never do it again!' but I did An still are an Its Been two years it's Been going on!! Thing is, I don't love my kids dad avnt since I cheated yet every time I try to finish it with my kids dad he won't leave, an when he does I feel sad cause he a good father and the kids adore him an
I don't want take that away frm him, he a good guy, it's just I don't love him.. The other guy the bad boy is still a playah an messes me about he really does an when I try end it with him he ends up hounding me, yet I'm the one who makes all the effort plus we live in separate towns! If I had it my way I'd be with him, but it's not tha simple, I've laid it out on the line to be with me but he never gives me straight answer, an thing is I still think there summit there OR IS IT IM TRYING RELIVE THE PAST?? An then there my kids dad, should I tell him I've cheated again an break his heart and break up the family home and live my life with someone I don't love?? Or stay with him for the kids?? Do I forget about the bad boy an move on?? Or do I fight for him and done give up??

[mystific]

Well.. what a pickle.

So your cheating and lying on a man who adores your children, is a great father figure, stable and understanding, whose putting up with your lying and cheating ways for a man who shows no commitment to you or your children and never will?

You've been a committed relationship for 6 years. Is that not worth anything? You have two sons to this man. A man who has stood by you and supported and provided for you and his family. And you want to throw it away for someone whose just using you? You don't deserve better? Your children don't deserve to be with a man who loves and cares for them?

You've already broken up the family home. Its time to start mending fences if he still wants you. You don't have a future with your ex. Stop kidding yourself and deal with what you have in your own front yard. IF your partner still wants you then you owe it to yourself and children to work it out. And prove that your worthy of his love. Because reality is.. your not.

[Chantelle86]

See your right, but I don't love him.. I only stay for the kids sake.. Yes he a great father, yes he provides an no, I
Don't deserve him.. BUT I don't love him, I want to
Tell him that I've cheated but I don't want hurt him again he don't deserve it, but that feeling ain't there.. Ur so
Right on the ex thing, why do I find it so
Hard to forget him.. I would never go to live with my ex though, I'd never take my kids An introduce them to another man.. Ever! If anything I would live by myself with my boys.. I just don't know what do, this been going on for too long as it is.. Do
I come clean an just live my life with me an my kids??

[mystific]

You don't want to hurt him.. but you have.. period. There's no two ways around it. You cheated. You've lied and deceived him. The guy deserves the truth. Seriously, you couldn't hurt him any more than you already have. What's a little more honesty?

If you don't love him then leave. Drop your ex from your life like a hot rock and move on. But be sure you're doing it for all the right reasons and you're going to be able to provide and support your children emotionally and financially. Do you work? Will you have support?

Be honest with your partner and yourself and move on. He doesn't need someone like you with him. But be prepared for a fight for your children. Because if I were him, I wouldn't want them with you.

[Chantelle86]

You can't question parent hood on cheating! I'm a good mother and love my boys dearly, I'd give them the world.. Yes I can support them it's my house we live in, but of course what we have got is what we both worked for 50/50.. He proberly would fight for the kids but he wudnt need to cause I'd never stop him seeing them.. So many times I've told him to leave tha he deserves better but he doesn't go.. So that's why I need no to tell him so he can finally move on.. I no wha I'm doing is wrong course I do, but my kids mean mo that's why I stayed for so long.. But I'm not happy inside with him.. Ok so I basically got to tell him the truth an face all consequences? Tha doesn't scare me I will face what ever.. I just don't want separate the kids an him, so I'm bk to square one, stay an be unhappy yes??

[mystific]

You made your bed.. so yes now you need to lay in it and face the consequences for your actions.

And no I asked earlier if you could work it out through counselling if it would be enough to salvage your relationship. We've moved on since then and you've stated that you don't love him and have no feelings for him, so the best course of action is for you to move on.

Im happy to see that you're willing to fight for your children and that they come first. But your actions as a parent does have consequences to them. Choices and decision you make for your life affect them. These actions will in turn be questioned as they get older and question why you done these things. And this is where you hope that they don't continue the cycle. Do you want them coming back in 20 years time with a long term partner with children, your grandchildren, and say that they're leaving her because they cheated on their significant others?

Cause and affect.

[Chantelle86]

Agreed... Time to face up to it, he don't deserve what I've done.. Just shows though wha kind of person I am.. See if the friends I told would ov just been honest like you I would of faced up to this sooner well realised.. The guilt that's just set upon me! I never felt quilty before cah I thought cah I didn't love him it didn't matter.. BUT IT DOES! O my dayz, I need tell him an I am, I need to face wha I done.. I'm scarred to tell him but I am going too

[mystific]

Tha doesn't scare me I will face what ever..

Where is this strength and self belief?

You'll be a better person for being honest, I certainly can't say it absolves you from anything you've done, but it's a first step.

Good luck.