[lost love 2]

Hey guys,
About a year ago me and my ex split up,my fault really,I lied to him and betrayed his trust although I didn't mean to I just thought itd be easier than taking the wrap at the time. Anyway we split up (after being togther a year and a half) and it was pretty messy. He said he didn't want to here from me for a while and that we need to move on and maybe one day we could sort it out. So I left it at that. He got a new girlfriend who he split up with in November. I moved on did my thing. And then about 1 week after him breaking up with his girlfriend we run into each other at work. After 10 months of not seeing each other.which was odd because we both work at the hospital everyday. We started txtn then decided hey maybe we could fool around a bit. So we have done quite a few times slept with each other,its like how it used to be. Excpet I want more than just sex. I want a relationship. So this new years I was guna ask him if he thinks we may be able to give it another shot sumtime,new year,fresh slate kind of thing. But I don't know the best way to ask. It will be via text because we wnt be with each other. Any ideas please would be so much help. I still love this guy,and I just need to know if our 'fun' will lead to anything or do I just walk away. Because I thought I was over him,and that took me A WHile to get to that stage and then he just walks back into my life. So I need to know.thanks guys :D

[redhed35]

Good sex does not make a good relationship..

Are the problems that split you up still there?

I guess the only way you will know is if you ask,right now you don't have anything,a shag buddy.

Has he given you any indictation that he would like you to get back together?

Don't rush into this,think for a second.

[amicon]

Ask him in person, don't send a text. And stop sleeping with him,as that gives him the benefit of having sex with you with no strings attached.
My take is that had he wanted to get back with you he would have said so.
If he says no,disappear from his life.

[lost love 2]

Thanks for your reply :)
Well,he hasn't mentioned anything about the past at all about what I did or anything.
That's what I'm starting to think, I don't just want a shag buddy I want more but I'm afraid if I ask now ill get the answer I don't want and then I loose everything again,even the sex. I would say he hasn't really given me any indication, we are friendly but not a mention of getting back together excpet for the flirty texts sometime,but I guess that's just the sex part. I thought this new years would be a good time to ask. And at least then ill know. I think he may still be a little cut up about his ex,they broke up early November,but I'm not sure :S its all doing my head in ! I made the biggest mistake of my life letting this guy go!

[friend4u178]

You STOP the Sex to start with as he'd probably be quite happy to just have that with no strings attached.


Edit: Looks like we posted at the same time and you beat me to it Amicon ;)

[lost love 2]

Yeah if he says no he doesn't see us getting back togther I will stop contact with him because it hurts me way too much.
He's always been some one to take his time and not rush into things so I guess my only option is to ask,but how is what I'm having trouble with.

Yeah your right I need to stop sleeping with him,last time was xmas night as that was his birthday.

[redhed35]

Could you be the rebound?

Its very likely.

I agree with amicon about talking face to face.

If you think letting him go the first time was a mistake, being his shag buddy is going to be worse, it will wreak yourself confidence and self esteem and break your heart.

You may not get the answer you want,but you will know the truth...

If its no and he does not want you,at least you can move on and heal,and eventually find someone who will love you for you...

If its' what's wrong with what we have' or 'i like you as a friend' or I'm not ready'... this is what you do... stand up,say thanks for being honest,but this is not for me,and walk away... as much as it will hurt,you will save yourself so much more heartache in the long run.

[talaniman]

I'm going to set aside the fact that your having a good time, instead of talking, and your having sex instead of conversation.

I'm also going to put aside the fact that you jumped back in when you should have been healing.

I think you have no choice but to talk, but this time not about a second chance, but define the possibility of a new chance.

[lost love 2]

Thank you all so much for your honesty and it has really showen me the truth and what I need to do,if he does say he isn't ready is it that he actually isn't ready or that he doesn't want me. Should I still walk away if he says that or should I wait. Yes I think I will mention a new chance not a second chance as that's how I want it be ,for us to start on a clean slate. I really hope this goes well for me,but if it doesn't I know I have to walk away as hard as that may be.

[redhed35]

If he is not ready for a relationship,fair enough,ask is he ready to try dating and starting from scratch...

If he does not want to try that,but still wants sex,walk away.

[Devorameira]

Just remember how hard it was to heal the first time you split up. Do you really want to go through that heartache again?

Talk to him - be sure you're reading off of the same page. If you find out you're not, get another book!