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paxe · Nov 30, 2009, 08:47 PM

Don't worry you're doing fine, it's only a minor setbacks and dreams are pretty normal. You will do less of them as time passes on. What she does or doesn't do isn't your problem anymore.

krebecam · Nov 30, 2009, 10:10 PM

What goes around comes around... try to stay focus on other things.. put your mind in other things... try not to think about her anymore... dreams come from too much thinking... trust me it will get better as time passes

Ther4peuticH3at · Nov 30, 2009, 10:14 PM

Yo, sorry I missed the latest updates. I decided to take a break from this type of stuff.

About the dreams... I've had a couple now that I'll never forget. One I mentioned earlier, and another that was more of a nightmare. It was like my subconscious was trying to crush me emotionally, but in retrospect, it may have just revealed to me some aspects of her character that I really don't miss.

I'd like to comment on the new partner thing and the whole "waking up and finding yourself back at square one" thing. But I'm kind of in the midst of a set-back myself... In fact, my ex is sitting right across from me on my futon. Needless to say, NC has fallen by the wayside (she started it, I'd say it's not my fault, but I'm not that delusional, I know that I let it happen). She's talking and I'm on my laptop trying to listen. I'll try to explain it later.

Keep your head up, stay positive, and try to stay strong especially when it's hard... That's about all the advise I can give tonight.

vanheart · Nov 30, 2009, 10:21 PM

Yeah, that's normal.
But listen to the above posts. Especially Talanimans's

Whattya want to do? Feel like crap, or feel good?

That's the answer. How are you going to get get there?

By worrying about her & not you? She's out.

That isn't fun.

Go NC & rock it.

sadnlostedddd · Dec 1, 2009, 09:28 AM

I mean I am trying to get over her, I wouldn't be in NC if I wasn't, but it doesn't seem like its working, I'm on day 2 of sleeping in and not really eating anything, I can't understand why I'm doing this to myself.
Whenever I feel good I always think to myself "How can I let that girl get me so down"
But whenever I feel like I do now I think "How can you forget about that girl?"

vanheart · Dec 1, 2009, 09:35 AM

Its early yet. That's normal.

Just do some good things for yourself. Exercise, hang with friends.

Force yourself if you have to. Give it time.

fearxfear · Dec 1, 2009, 09:40 AM

You need to just take any kind of food and just shove it down. I mean anything... Give yourself a chance... its only day 2... time going to feel like an eternity but go do something that will take your mind off this for a little bit. I mean... for me I picked up call of duty modern warfare 2 and that kept me busy for 2 days. Just do something other then sitting in your room with your thoughts. The fight now is with your mind and your heart. I believe tal said it best... once the mind knows the answer the heart will eventually follow. I'm 1 month in NC but I slip up a few days ago and man... do I feel like I'm back at square 2 rather then 1.

amicon · Dec 1, 2009, 09:41 AM

I agree you have to force yourself -out of bed and into the kitchen-eat right-that's essential. Exercise -you will feel better for it.
Fake it till you make it.

boyslikegirls · Dec 1, 2009, 04:55 PM

Dude, you have to stop thinking about her! I had the same dream too weeks back. Trust me, loads of it - like being back together, hanging out, laughing and so on because she was always on my mind... every minute, every second. I can't get her out of my mind, got panicked when she went out on a date.. you name it. I know how you feel... it's like a blind fish living in the volcano... Heart aches, dissapointment... You will feel even worse when you got to know she's having a great time while you're sitting in the corner going through the pain and heart aches. I had been through these stages. I can tell you that you will get through this. You just got to stop thinking about her. No stalking on her Facebook, myspace, messenger etc. If not, you're going to be doomed! If she loves you, she will not do this to hurt you. If she loves you, she will hang on and try to work things out with you instead of leaving you! She no longer loves you, dude. Wake up! The most important thing to do right now is to put back your heart together and get over this girl. She certainly doesn't deserve you nor your love. Let go... Holding on to something that isn't meant to be yours will drive you crazy...

She's already having a great time. Why can't you? You need to reclaim back the power you gave her. You shouldn't put her on the pedestal again. You got to take charge of your life again. You got to learn to let go...

sadnlostedddd · Dec 5, 2009, 10:21 AM

Went out last night, soooooooooo many gorgeous girls, my confidence was through the roof. To be honest I'm not looking for a girlfriend, or even a fling, I just want someone to date, to have fun with and maybe create a close friendship.
But when I got back to my dorm and I woke up this morning, I still felt just as broken hearted as a few months ago. I know time heals everything, but it's the hardest medicine to take, especially when you don't see the effects right away.

talaniman · Dec 5, 2009, 10:35 AM

One fact of life your seeing now is for every high, there is a low right behind it.

But stay positive and think, for every low, a high is on the way.

Lows ain't no fun, but don't let them stop you from eating, and being happy. Rest up for the next high, you may need your strength.

amicon · Dec 5, 2009, 11:01 AM

Soon you'll have more highs than lows.
Plan more fun outings,make sure you have something to look forward to everyday.

Ther4peuticH3at · Dec 5, 2009, 03:21 PM

So, I've been working on something called equanimity for some time now. Which in the case of this situation called for compassion despite any remnant of resentment. So when my ex called me and I could see she was kind of down and out, I resisted the urge to dog her, to let loose all my ill will, to make her feel like absolute scum; instead, I chose to offer her whatever sympathy I could muster. I chose to be there for her regardless of my personal feelings; there was no intention of getting her back or playing games. I just figured me not being there for her or mistreating her wouldn't make my life any easier, wouldn't make me feel any better; it would only serve to hurt her. So I decided I'd do whatever I could to make things easier for her, to help her healing process in whatever way I could...

Only, now I'm realizing I'm not as strong as I need to be.. maybe not as mature as I strive to be... Now NC is broken, and I don't particularly want it back. Now, she's almost all I think about again. Is wrong with me. When the hell am I going to learn form my mistakes... I wish I was stronger than this..

paxe · Dec 5, 2009, 09:44 PM

It's a good-hearted gesture what you are doing, but it is nonetheless the wrong one. I also have experience of that (It seems I received all the experience I need after my break up :D ).

I tried to comfort my ex without thinking of getting back with her. So I took her to date, I took care of her.

Unfortunately , it is all wrong, as much right as we would like to do. She broke up with you, so she lost all advantages. By breaking up with you she did a selfish act (understandable and moral but selfish nonetheless), so you should also reciprocate (think of yourself).
Secondly, it is YOU that needs healing, not her the breaker. The breakee suffers much more than the breaker and they need to move on, or else they will suffer much more.
Thirdly, she is feeling down because she doesn't "have" you when you applied NC (she can't keep you as a fallback and that hurts the breaker's ego enormously, as YOU are taking back the power).

As much good you want to do, you are doing only something that will get the situation much worse, for you, and for her. Leave her alone, don't contact her and let her be.

sadnlostedddd · Dec 6, 2009, 02:58 AM

Still out of my mind in love, so tempted to text her earlier, the only reason I didn't is cause I didn't want to wake her up, this was my first love, my first everything, I've been in NC for almost a month and I'm stilllllll crazzzzzy about her, I see some guys up here who are engaged after a few months of NC, I don't know what's up with me, I know I can get plenty of girls, but rihgt now she is the one I want :-(

amicon · Dec 6, 2009, 03:05 AM

People are different , some of us bounce back more quickly than others,there are no hard and fast rules so be patient with yourself.
Don't break the NC,it'll only set you back.
Find something you really like doing to your mind off things.

talaniman · Dec 6, 2009, 08:11 AM

I've been in NC for almost a month and I'm stilllllll crazzzzzy about her,

Not very long at all.

Ther4peuticH3at · Dec 6, 2009, 09:32 AM

Dude.. It's almost finals week. DON'T BREAK NC. You don't need the distraction.. the drama. No matter what it is you're looking for, YOU calling HER probably isn't the best way to go about finding it.

That's my advise, for whatever it's worth.. Best of luck, with everything.

--Thanks paxe, but what exactly happened to make you say it was all wrong, when you took care of her?

talaniman · Dec 6, 2009, 09:44 AM

I don't think its wise to ever put the needs of someone over your own, when there is no commitment, and doing so puts you in harms way, maybe not physically, or mentally, but emotionally.

Sounds noble but is it for the best? Are you really helping, or are you just playing through your own agenda, and not letting go and be gone.

Are you killing this person with kindness??

You may want the best for another person, but are you getting in the way of them being responsible for themselves?

paxe · Dec 6, 2009, 11:34 AM

Originally Posted by Ther4peuticH3at

Dude.. It's almost finals week. DON'T BREAK NC. You don't need the distraction.. the drama. No matter what it is you're looking for, YOU calling HER probably isn't the best way to go about finding it.

That's my advise, for whatever it's worth.. Best of luck, with everything.

--Thanks paxe, but what exactly happened to make you say it was all wrong, when you took care of her?

Tal summed it up pretty well. I take care of my friends and family, but not of my ex. My friend and family I genuinely care about them, whereas the ex you still have feelings for her. They basically hurt you, why help them. They have been egoistic, why not you? She put herself first before you, so you should do the same.

For me, I took "care" for a good 2 week, just dating, hanging out... The problem was that I still had feelings and the more I saw her, the more hurt I was. I was trying to make her feel better, about the fact that she broke up with me. So basically I was trying to make her feel better of having hurt me.

What happened is that it hurt me more and more until I couldn't take it. You will create hope and hence more pain. She needs to get herself in shape and so do you. NC is the only way.