[The Captain]

I was reading my thread in it's entirety last night; and it's amazing how time heals. Just remembering what I was going through pretty much this time last year, the crying, the non-eating, the sadness. But I've come through it, even though I still think about her and just the good memories, I'm more in control.

Although when I did receive the message, before reading it... I felt really nervous... I suppose she is still in my heart... and I will always have some anxiety.

It's on my mind right now, with regards to what she wrote... at the time I dismissed it as the fact that perhaps she's lonely, she misses me and she has not met anyone that she can connect with like she did with me (forgive the arrogance), but when I mentioned this to my female friends, they agreed.

The reason for not replying to her was that the last time I replied, it was the confirmation she required that the door was still open... even if it is now, she needs to blatently write "I miss you, I want to come back" etc...

My big mistake was that when she made the decision to break-up, I should have cut contact immediately, as I'm certain she would have come back within a month... even if she came back and the problems would still be there... she would have come back. I needed to have been firm, rather than thinking if I keep in contact, I can persuade her!

I don't want to message her now, as I don't want to hear the word "no", or I'm seeing someone, in case my analysis is not correct. I will possibly message her on her birthday in October.

But surely if you have broken-up with your bf/gf, and months have passed and you are happy/seeing someone you like... you would not send a message to your ex, saying that you are upset that we have come strangers etc...

[talaniman]

I think the real fact that has been brought to light is how much time, and thought you have given a simple text message. Maybe she wishes she could send you a birthday greeting and been done with it, but she didn't. Instead you get a cryptic and ambiguous message that begs for reply, and explanation. Good you didn't reply, but too bad you can't forget it.

That would have been my react, delete, and forget, because as your finding out, once curiosity is piquéd, it starts taking on its own life, and gets speculated so much, the truth of the matter is lost.

Now your going over a lot of old ground trying to find her meaning for her action when you already know the answer. She lost control, and wants it back. Her curiosity is getting to her. Not to get you back, or even in a friend zone. But to see if you still have feelings for her. If you show you do, her curiosity is satisfied and she no longer has to care. She doesn't any way, and it was but a passing thought, a test of the waters. Nothing more.

That's why its very important to drop this line of thinking and refocus on what your doing with yourself NOW!

[The Captain]

Thanks talaniman.

Indeed that is why I did not reply, as that was exactly her reaction the first time I replied last year. However, I'm no way as emotional and out of control as I was right after the break-up. My life has improved considerably in terms of career, maturity (I hope) etc...

The reason for the break-up was my fault, and I realise this... she really did not do too much wrong, I was immature and I took her for granted etc... in the past year I have understood a lot... and in hindsight I would have behaved differently...
But yes I'm curious.

She is not on my friends list on FB, and but she's on her sister's list, so I check every now and again on there... and last night she updated her profile pic with a picture of that we took together... obviously with me cut-off. So I tried something, I put a picture that she took of me a couple of years ago... and oddly today she has updated her picture with one I took of her last year... I know these are childish games etc... just curious to what she is thinking... you are probably right she wants to know if the door is open, but unlike last time, I will not ask her to come back... so she will not know... and friends is out of the question... I'm prepared in how to handle and answer her, as I have learnt from my previous errors... so she is trying to test the water... but the only way she will get an answer is if she asks directly.

Anyway, I won't be contacting her... as then the ball will be in her court... just hoping for another message from her... in the meantime... I will continue to enjoy my life, the Summer.