Check out some similar questions!

rol · Mar 20, 2007, 07:54 AM

Is she <25 by the way?

Geoffersonairplane · Mar 20, 2007, 07:56 AM

Rol is right, when they say "break" or "time" it is usually signaling the end of the relationship. I had to practically beg my ex to tell me to my face and by meeting her face to face, it confused me more, she said "I just think we should leave it for a while" thereby giving me a false indication that she wanted time to think and maybe we would get back together. What she really wanted was to end it completely but probably had difficulty knowing how to finish it without hurting me too much which unfortunately she did anyway.

Sorry, I know you must hurt but meeting her will serve no real purpose.. Time to pull away.

She made her bed and now she better lie in it.

lisalou · Mar 20, 2007, 07:57 AM

Could it be that she was looking for reassurance? The lack of contact could make her think that you do not care...

Geoffersonairplane · Mar 20, 2007, 07:59 AM

Originally Posted by lisalou

could it be that she was looking for reassurance? the lack of contact could make her think that you do not care...

But then, she asked for that space, that is what he gave her, if he chased her, I bet £1 million she would run far away.

lisalou · Mar 20, 2007, 08:01 AM

Possibly. Maybe he gave her TOO much though? I just think not everything is black and white and whilst he did what she asked maybe it was too much and made her think he wasn't bothered

Geoffersonairplane · Mar 20, 2007, 08:02 AM

She probably wants to go off and have fun being single and if she is <25 and has been with him for 4 years, she probably misses the single life.

Sad to say but a lot of this happens.. People are usually not ready for serious relationships when they are less than 25 because they are still exploring who they are and what they want.

By the way, I am just assuming she is <25 so if this is not the case I do apologise.

Geoffersonairplane · Mar 20, 2007, 08:06 AM

Originally Posted by lisalou

possibly. maybe he gave her TOO much though? I just think not everything is black and white and whilst he did what she asked maybe it was too much and made her think he wasnt bothered

Yeah, maybe I was being biased to what happened to me because I chased her (my ex- well a few phone calls if you call that chasing LOL) and tried to work it out much in the same way as Skell did and it just backfired. Yet if I had given her all the space which after a month in the end I did, there would have been no difference, I am sure. I suppose everyone's situation is different but when someone asks for time or space, I think it is important to respect that.

You may have a point about him giving her TOO much space but it is a difficult call really.

She created this situation so is it really his responsibility to resolve it?

rol · Mar 20, 2007, 08:10 AM

<<But then, she asked for that space, that is what he gave her, if he chased her, I bet £1 million she would run far away.
>>

Exactly Geoff! Lisalou it would not have made any difference, she would have ran faster or left him more confused!
He did the best thing possible and that did not work.
She's a confused girl so better to leave her in her confusion and get on with your life.

rol · Mar 20, 2007, 08:13 AM

<<Yet if I had given her all the space which after a month in the end I did, nothing would have changed, I am sure. I suppose everyone's situation is different but when someone asks for time or space, I think it is important to respect that>>

Exactly I did the respectful thing , no begging , crying , nothing(mine was with a male) and it still ended and then I also began wondering if I had begged would things have been different. The answer is NO , nothing will work.

inthecrowd · Mar 20, 2007, 08:17 AM

Yeah she is under 25- she has text me to sya there is no way back- I am so hurt by how she has done this all through texts - disgusting really. I need to heal but at the moment I don't think I can. Your right meeting her will only open me up even more.

She says she wants to be alone and away from me and I can see that's the only way to deal with it.

:(

Inthecrowd

Geoffersonairplane · Mar 20, 2007, 08:21 AM

The problem with crying is that it can make you look needy. When I saw my ex face to face and she told me, I tried my best not to as I knew what it would look like but I also knew what was happening and I was just a human being that was in emotional shock. Personally I think she (my ex) knew at that point what she was doing, she was not leaving someone who did not care, she was really breaking someone's heart. I knew this because she was trying not to cry but was a little better at it than me. I suppose the point of what I am saying is that crying has no effect on the outcome but if you do it with no ulterior motives in mind like me, it makes you no less of a man, it just proves that you cared and nobody can criticize you for that.

Actually, you have not mentioned you have cried anywhere in this thread, I am just making a general statement about the idea of it.

Geoffersonairplane · Mar 20, 2007, 08:23 AM

Originally Posted by inthecrowd

Yeah she is under 25- she has text me to sya there is no way back- i am so hurt by how she has done this all through texts - disgusting really. i need to heal but at the moment i dont think i can. your right meeting her will only open me up even more.

She says she wants to be alone and away from me and i can see thats the only way to deal with it.

:(

Inthecrowd

My ex did it the coward way too, by phone but I practically had to beg her to see her face to face and in the end, she agreed.

I just think it is the mature and decent thing to do.

Text is even worse!!

rol · Mar 20, 2007, 08:23 AM

You will heal.. it will take time but there are plenty of us here to show that it is possible and who have undergone the same heartache last year...
We are also stronger than ever before..

She most probably wants to explore the single life and feels she is missing out on something...

Skell · Mar 20, 2007, 02:09 PM

And a lot of the time the Geoff the reason they find it easier not to cry is because they have more than likely been thinking about it for a while and already done their crying? They have already made the emotional detachment. I think that hurts the person being dumped even more. I was sitting there balling like a baby (I shudder to think back now) and although she was emotional and did cry, she just seemed so unemotional as well. She was just like a rock. Showing nothing most of the time. That hurts.

And I agree with you and Rol. Whether one pulls away and doesn't cry beg or plead or whether they plead their case for weeks will make no difference in the end if the other person wants out and has made their mind up. I used to regret the way I carried on. Crying and pleading. But I have now come to the realisation that there was nothing I could do. If I shrugged my shoulders and pretended not to care that would not have worked either. So in a way I'm glad I tried my hardest and showed my emotions. At least I had them and I knew my feelings were true.