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carlson92 · Jul 1, 2009, 05:38 AM

Q: We live near each other or go to school together; we are going to run into each other. What do I do then?
A: Be short and polite. Tell them “hi” and that you are running late. Take care. Very simple and doesn't lead to a epic conversation about your relationship.

Got this from your NC rule thread. Just read that thread and is a very nice and useful thread there. Good idea to follow that rule? Since we're still school mates and will definitely run into her. But is it OK to say hi? Will she think too much? And by the way the school is new so the community is not big, is pretty small as the school is like 2 years old only. Lol. Both of us previously came from a large community before moving to this school.

Details help I guess. :)

Romefalls19 · Jul 1, 2009, 05:41 AM

I worked with my ex, if she said "hi" that's all I replied with. I didn't have to engage in a conversation with her, nor did I want too. I was focused on my life and how I was working things out inside not what she thought of a simple gesture.

carlson92 · Jul 1, 2009, 05:55 AM

People say I know a lot about these relationship stuff but I don't think I do actually. So much to learn. Anyway, NC rule is a way to lead for you to heal completely? If so, after the NC rules... whats next? Attempt to be friends with her if I have no feeling of being together with her? Because really she knows me too well, more then any girl I met or dated before. Don't want to lose a person like her, although we broke and those thing about her saying after that as I really screwed up after the break up for a month, I still have her full trust. Might be stupid question to ask, but should I do the same?

Romefalls19 · Jul 1, 2009, 06:18 AM

After you heal, which I will tell you, will take MONTHS, you probably won't even care to be her friend. It's hard to imagine right now, but it's true. I am "friends" with my ex, simply because after 5 months of strict NC, I had her friends asking me to be friends, if I could talk to her because she's upset, so I said sure. We don't hang out, we rarely talk. We haven't spoken in months, it's the way I like it.

You will meet plenty of other girls, believe me. I was hooking up and talking to a lot of girls after my break up. I didn't realize how much confidence I gained from going to the gym, I can walk up to anyone and start a conversation, which is how I met my fiancé. She is shy, I approached her and we hit it off. Started friends but the connection was so intense it quickly grew.

carlson92 · Jul 1, 2009, 06:40 AM

It will take months even if is like a short term relationship? Mine is like 4 months only, but we did so many stuff that 4 months feel like it's a year plus.
And is weird, when she is around, her close friends who are girls talk to me very openly and like normally but when she is around, its like so minimal talking to me. To me is weird. Is it? Why this happen?
Congratulation man on being with your fiancée. :D

Romefalls19 · Jul 1, 2009, 06:43 AM

This is why I say, stay away from mutual friends or even her friends. Trust me, it will only hinder your progress. There is no set time to the recovery process, some take longer some take shorter.

Thanks for the congrats man

carlson92 · Jul 1, 2009, 06:56 AM

Oh sweet. OK then. :) for now, I'll do with the nc rule. Thanks a lot. Any problem I'll update with post and/or contact you. :) one more question, what if, she suddenly after like in the future about 2 months maybe? Text that she miss me. I suppose I ignore the text or take some time only reply it? Actually I know she do but didn't voice out to anyone, my friends which are not her friends realize whenever I chat with other girls, she look, or whenever I sit alone doing my work, she always take a peak at me.

Romefalls19 · Jul 1, 2009, 07:10 AM

Curiousity my friend, that's all that is. I wouldn't sweat it. If she texts you, handle it then. Post on here, I've been here for a year and half, I'm not going anywhere, a lot of my friends are on here and they helped me through a very tough time and still help me if I ever steer off course.

carlson92 · Jul 1, 2009, 07:36 AM

Wow a year and a half? Sweet. This forum must be the right place then. :] I will keep it update. :D Thanks a lot man.

talaniman · Jul 1, 2009, 03:02 PM

Please follow Romes advice as he is dead on, and eventually you'll be able to have fun with your own friends, and activities, and not care or worry about whatever she does. There will be many options, and opportunities, when you have gotten over this break up.

You also can update, and give feedback on this same thread, you don't have to start another post about the same situation.

Now if you have a question about another female, thats different.

carlson92 · Jul 2, 2009, 12:21 AM

OK talai. Am doing by starting the NC rule. :)

Quick update, today after the exam, only I was in the room where the upper grades students put their bags. My bag was beside her beg and I saw the notebook that she usually writes with about me. I was seriously tempted to see what's the update in her diary so I opened it. :o I then discover that she... wrote the stuff that she did wrong and the stuff that I did wrong and it was just recent. I manage to read about 2 points on each only as the next moment, the bell rang and I know I won't be alone anymore.
What's does this mean? Why would she care to write? Write mistakes she done to me, I understand as she might want to change from that, but why write about me?

lewisorizo · Jul 2, 2009, 01:39 AM

I think you already acknowledge that fact that the girl is right to a great extent, that you not acting like yourself, and I do think if you don't act like yourself you definitely acting somebody else, first thing you have to do is you have to work on be original that means been yourself, and you have to try and figure out what your lapses are what she don't like because relationship is not about one person is about two of you, if she agree to be your friend and she don't like the way you act it's not going to last. So to be able to win her she already give you a clue act like yourself, try your best to be the best and above all act respnsibly at all time, your new life will reflect your actions and sooner people will notice and she will too, then she might give you a sign to come or you try and be nice all time she will definitely look forward to spend some time with you to know what happen, try a complete makeover of your character. It will help.
Thanks
Lewis

carlson92 · Jul 2, 2009, 02:17 AM

NC rule (form roman), work on improving myself (KC, lewis) is what I have to accomplish now. Awesome advice lewis. :) Thanks a lot. :)
But I still think is weird her making a long list of her mistakes and my mistakes. Like I say she making a list of her mistakes is normal, but her making a list of my mistakes? Something fishy might be going on here. Or is there not? Lol.

carlson92 · Jul 2, 2009, 07:04 AM

Also, every time before she leaves to home, she would take a look where I am without me noticing. Roman told me its curiosity but wth? Why would she care? And the list of mistakes thing, on my previous post. Is she writing it to relieve her stress, or does she want to remember it, or what? Why she take that trouble to write a page long filled with words of my mistakes. Although is not for me, but she treat the book like me for example, I(her) don't understand why you(me) have to do this. That's a very random sample. But yeah. Now my curiosity level is high. Lol.

talaniman · Jul 2, 2009, 08:47 AM

It means you're a snoop, and are opening up a can of worms by reading her private thoughts. That's the point of a diary isn't it?

I don't know of any female who leaves their diary around in public, let alone where an ex has access, but I do know that snooping in her stuff has just given rise to more "why is she doing what she is doing" questions, that will make you want to talk to her to get answers to, and she gets to live rent free in your head.

That will do you no good, because any conversation you have will lead to more confusion, and plant the seeds of false hope.

I don't know what's on her mind, nor will I assume her motives, but I do know the seed has been planted that will distract you to what's really important, and that's you getting your own act back together, and stop being stuck on her, and what she is doing and thinking.

Its been my experience, and you can verify this on this forum, that exes do some strange things to make you initiate contact, to get the part of you they miss the most back. Not for romance mind you, but friendship, and someone comfortable to talk to, to relieve their own aloneness after a break up. That will only last until they have other interests to spend their time on (the new romance potential)

Lets be friends is their thinking. False hope is what you will get from this. That only prolongs the misery, and pain, of the break up, and makes it much worse, and much harder to get through.

Don't look deeper into this than what it is, and recognize you essentially broke NC by snooping, because you were looking for some glimmer of hope she is missing you, and wanting you back.

You just couldn't help it could you? Like stealing candy, and wondering why you have a bellyache, and aren't hungry for dinner.

You have to do better for yourself or your mind will play more tricks on you.

jolienoire · Jul 2, 2009, 08:53 AM

Wise Words always spoken tal, I couldn't have said it better myself.

You need to stop snooping and wondering everything she is doing, you should be worried about the most important thing of all and that is she doesn't want to be with you doesn't matter what she writes in her personal diary.
Or how she checks around to see if you are there. For all I know it could be an illusion.
Bottom line is that you must have no contact, stop prying, and snooping where your nose don't belong. It will continue to set you back. If you respect her or the relationship you had you will let it be. If you continue with this behavior you may ruin any chance of you and her ever getting back together.

carlson92 · Jul 3, 2009, 12:43 AM

It means you're a snoop, and are opening up a can of worms by reading her private thoughts. That's the point of a diary isn't it?

I don't know of any female who leaves their diary around in public, let alone where an ex has access, but I do know that snooping in her stuff has just given rise to more "why is she doing what she is doing" questions, that will make you want to talk to her to get answers to, and she gets to live rent free in your head.

That will do you no good, because any conversation you have will lead to more confusion, and plant the seeds of false hope.

I don't know what's on her mind, nor will I assume her motives, but I do know the seed has been planted that will distract you to what's really important, and that's you getting your own act back together, and stop being stuck on her, and what she is doing and thinking.

Its been my experience, and you can verify this on this forum, that exes do some strange things to make you initiate contact, to get the part of you they miss the most back. Not for romance mind you, but friendship, and someone comfortable to talk to, to relieve their own aloneness after a break up. That will only last until they have other interests to spend their time on (the new romance potential)

Lets be friends is their thinking. False hope is what you will get from this. That only prolongs the misery, and pain, of the break up, and makes it much worse, and much harder to get through.

Don't look deeper into this than what it is, and recognize you essentially broke NC by snooping, because you were looking for some glimmer of hope she is missing you, and wanting you back.

You just couldn't help it could you? Like stealing candy, and wondering why you have a bellyache, and aren't hungry for dinner.

You have to do better for yourself or your mind will play more tricks on you.

Wow... you're damn right man. Although after reading it, I feel very little hurt but you're so right... I shouldn't have done it. I did not carry out my reponsibility on keeping the NC rule. F-ing. I need to get myself back together fully first now, not half way through. I need to try to completely makeover my bad character I have. Such wise advice like jol say.

Wise Words always spoken tal, I couldn't have said it better myself.

You need to stop snooping and wondering everything she is doing, you should be worried about the most important thing of all and that is she doesn't want to be with you doesn't matter what she writes in her personal diary.
Or how she checks around to see if you are there. For all I know it could be an illusion.
Bottom line is that you must have no contact, stop prying, and snooping where your nose don't belong. It will continue to set you back. If you respect her or the relationship you had you will let it be. If you continue with this behavior you may ruin any chance of you and her ever getting back together.

Yeah... true. Could be an illusion or maybe curiosity. I read her diary about the mistakes I done (which I won't touch it again ever), she did say that I made her think through the mistakes and she want to express it there.

I'm not hiding anything on my problem here, I'm not a person that gives up easily. To me, I just think that lack of communication between us from her and lack of honesty from my side which I'm not honest most of the time as I always try to impress her after she touched my heart with something I can't recall.

And one more thing, she told her friend which is a mutual friend which that friend told her boyfriend and the boyfriend told me that there is chance for me to get back to her if I know my mistakes and/or something special happens. Or else... I not sure. That's all.

talaniman · Jul 3, 2009, 05:33 AM

He said, she said is not credible, and may not be accurate. Ignore that kind of BS gossip, as it only breeds false hope.

carlson92 · Jul 3, 2009, 06:23 AM

True tal. Thanks so much for your time. :)

carlson92 · Jul 7, 2009, 08:01 AM

That email too I remember she said that I play games with her like tricks and stuff which is not true. Should I send her a email to make it right? My friends recommend that I should cause playing games is a really bad thing. Should I guys?