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    aflowthai's Avatar
    aflowthai Posts: 4, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #1

    Mar 8, 2006, 05:39 PM
    We're on a break, but nothing is wrong between us!
    Here is my situation. I've been seeing a guy for 2 months and everything was going really well. We were seeing each other a couple times a week, talking just about every day... everything was going smooth.
    About a week ago he told me that his ex girlfriend's mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. (f.y.I... when his ex found out that he was seeing someone new she wanted him back) Even though his ex cheated on him and has been causing him a lot of grief as of late, he told me that he feels like he needs to be there to support her while she goes through this.
    The problem is that he told me that we should take a break while this is going on and not see each other. He said it wouldn't be fair to me because he wouldn't be able to put me first and give me the time and attention I deserve. I'm a bit worried that his ex is going to try to use this situation to her advantage and try to get close to him again.
    I guess I'm just wondering what you would do. Would you wait for him? I have no idea how long this situation is going to last. If I do decide to wait, what is appropriate regarding calling him, emailing etc. I told him I would give him the time and space he needs to be there for her, so I don't want to seem pushy. But I also don't want him to think I don't care anymore. Any advice would be appreciated!
    confuzed's Avatar
    confuzed Posts: 34, Reputation: 6
    Junior Member
     
    #2

    Mar 8, 2006, 06:05 PM
    2 months and this guy is already asking for a break?? I am sure the ex will use this to her advantage and to me it sounds like he is going to get back with her. Trials come up in life but that doesn't mean that you go back into a relationship that doesn't work while times are tough. I say you move on and date other people. Don't call him or anything and see what happens from there.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
    Expert
     
    #3

    Mar 8, 2006, 07:06 PM
    My bet is the ex is the reason for the break already,

    And why would his ex girl friends mother having cancer have anything to do with him beside a visit or a card.

    My Guess, He talked to his ex when he found out about her mother and he had to "comfort" her and wanted to have more time to keep her from worry about this.

    Sounds like a really poor excuse to be able to see his ex.
    phillysteakandcheese's Avatar
    phillysteakandcheese Posts: 973, Reputation: 356
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    #4

    Mar 8, 2006, 08:06 PM
    I would dump the guy.

    There is no future with a partner that can't move on from their ex.
    jeffatl's Avatar
    jeffatl Posts: 489, Reputation: 83
    Full Member
     
    #5

    Mar 8, 2006, 08:40 PM
    HELLO! If he is asking for a break, something IS WRONG!! The thing I have learned about "breaks" are that they are an escuse to go after someone else, and if that doesn't work out, then they will come back. Move on.
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
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    #6

    Mar 8, 2006, 11:26 PM
    It is time to move on. The guy is asking for a break already. What exactly does a break mean to him and what does it mean to you? Does a break mean you both can start seeing other people because by the sounds of it he is going to be comforting his ex a lot. You need to figure out for yourself inside your own mind do you think this is right? You are here on these boards questioning what is going on so you do have your doubts. I hope you asked that very important question, what kind of break are you talking about?? Anyway,.

    Joe
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,926, Reputation: 674
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    #7

    Mar 9, 2006, 05:35 AM
    Hi, aflow,
    As your other answers have stated, "It's over".
    Taking a "break" means goodby.
    My wife and I have been married 29 yrs, and have never felt the need for a "break" from each other. But, you have only been seeing this guy for 2 months, and he now doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. Nothing wrong with that; it didn't work out.
    Life is like that; sometimes things work out, sometimes they don't.
    Meet new boys, talk with them, and before you know it, you will find another guy. I do wish you the best of luck.
    aflowthai's Avatar
    aflowthai Posts: 4, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #8

    Mar 9, 2006, 02:12 PM
    Thanks everyone for all your advice. I am a bit shocked that everyone thinks it's over and I should move on. It's definitely opened up my eyes, maybe I've just been blind. Or I'm only seeing what I want to see. I think I'll have a talk with him and see where he really stands.
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #9

    Mar 9, 2006, 03:59 PM
    The guy is a complete idiot for running back to a gal who cheated on him

    As I ALWAYS say - ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER. They WILL always cheat. Cheating is lying. She's a cheater and a liar. Cheaters feel ZERO remorse - they go for instant self gratification every time and don't care about the consequences.

    His ex is a manipulator in usng her mothers illiness as a way to get him back.

    Find some one who has a SPINE. You don't want a guy who does this - he is not very bright. I am 100% positive he has been pinning away for this gal while he was seeing you. You were just replacing his ex - rebound.

    This is NOT a healthy relationship - and things were not as perfect as you think.
    jeffatl's Avatar
    jeffatl Posts: 489, Reputation: 83
    Full Member
     
    #10

    Mar 9, 2006, 04:04 PM
    I agree with you Wildcat, and take it from me. I WAS THAT GUY!! There is hope for you yet though, you just have to get sick and tired of being played with. Stand up for yourself, and leave this BI%$ behind you. Things will look better once you get yourself respect back, and learn how to keep it. This doesn't mean you have to be a jerk, just stick to your guns, say what you mean, and mean what you say.
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
    Ultra Member
     
    #11

    Mar 9, 2006, 04:07 PM
    "definitely opened up my eyes, maybe I've just been blind. Or I'm only seeing what I want to see"

    Yes - I am afraid to say that's it. Everyone who come here for answers has this DREAM of wha tthey want their specific relationship to be - BUT, it's never reality.
    blueiman's Avatar
    blueiman Posts: 158, Reputation: 5
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    #12

    Mar 10, 2006, 03:10 PM
    Most people are in denial.
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
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    #13

    Mar 10, 2006, 06:28 PM
    Unfortunately I think your impulses are absolutely right. He is using this woman's illness as an excuse for breaking up with you and getting back together with her. Why he would want to get back with her is a more perplexing question for which there is no logical answer. While his concern for his ex's mother is understandable and admirable, it certainly doesn't deserve to be a high priority in his life. There's definitely something rotten in Denmark here. I'd steer clear of this guy once and for all. If he wants to pursue a cheating girlfriend, then let him. In the end he'll have to deal with the grief and hassels. Better him than you. Find a guy who'll be loyal to you, not one who's on the rebound.

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