[Wildcat21]

Jac,

You both need to go to marriage counseling immedidately to see if you can work out your differences. It sounds like there is total lack of communication here.

Counseling is to try improve your siyuation - its not a bad thing.

Office romance is a tricky thing. I've seen many times where some is attracted to some one and the other person is not at all - it makes a sticky situation. Usually they go very bad.

You need to communicate with your wife - you both should go some where quitet - bedroom? Lie and talk - talk about what is REALLY on your minds. I beat $1 million she is holding back a ton!! A ton of things that you do that annoy her to no end - things you don't think about.

[Jac]

Wildcat, you do not allow a possibility that love between people may disappear - naturally, due to various reasons - similarly to a way it is born. I do understand your logic. Communication is meaningless if there is no more feelings to communicate. I respect my wife very much and I am sure I loved her. But I am not that sure anymore. If the office surrounding does make you feel uncomfortable, as it makes me, for the relationship I am ready to give up my office career. In fact, maybe it is a just final straw. I do not want to give up my dream. In my whole life, I tell you, I never had a chance to meet such a beautiful girl I do now. OK, I give up my job, my family cause I want to be free in my choices. I do not want to listen to anyone. It is my life. I live only once. I have no regrets. I never valued career path that much. I do have my academic degree no one can take from me, which took me almost 10 years to earn and I am sure I will not beg on streets. I am almost sure that it won't go fine and I probably will be rejected by the girl. But who cares about me more than I do? My kids are grown up. My marriage was quite early one, I was 24 and my wife 20 and we married cause she got pregnant. As a true gentleman, of course I married her. We lived happily for 15 years. Now I just do not feel any more happiness. But I deeply respect my wife and what she did for me, raising beautiful kids. But she is so so cold to me. I want normal human relations, not talking to an ice queen. And this is something I do not get anymore

[Wildcat21]

Jac, that;s interesting. Ughhhhhhh - now the story unfolds - wish you shared this earlier.

That's WAY too young to marry.

Well, if you feel it's unfixable, you know what to do. You only live once, I am one who feels you have to make yourself happy first - you do have to take care of your kids though - they are #1 until grown - don't lose their respect.

But, you're in a situation I don't envy and I would get out of it. Remember tough, you will need support your kids.

I don't think your in a life right now that anyone would want to be 'stuck' in.

What may happen is, if you tell your wife how unhappy you are... things may change... she may open up.

[bizygurl]

But how you know the difference between love and crush? Besides, I think I can fall in love with another woman without cheating wife (ie without dating someone else) or telling the woman about that. How about keeping it all inside?

You can't "fall in love with another woman" without it leading somewhere. See what your doing is trying to convince yourself that you can be in love with this person and not have it lead anywhere. That's the first mistake. If you convince yourself of this it will lead you down the wrong path. My advice just don't give her anything and try to distance yourself from her. To me it sounds like this is more of a crush and a thrill than love. Besides if your in love with someone it should be your wife and not some chick at your office. If you aren't in love with your wife you need to address those issues.

[Jac]

You can't "fall in love with another woman" without it leading somewhere. See what your doing is trying to convince yourself that you can be in love with this person and not have it lead anywhere. Thats the first mistake. ... Besides if your in love with someone it should be your wife

That's exactly my dilemma. I have a wife I feel do not love anymore and who really does not care much about me as well, and I want to love another woman and then she (if she loves me as well) should be my wife. It is painful both to part and start everything from scratch and I am risking losing everything. Yet, I feel strange and so strong attraction to that woman, and I feel she knows it, I do not know for sure, though

[Jac]

That's I am risking my whole life, family and career and I have to make my choice. Never seen anything that painful.

[confuzed]

I suggest you talk to your wife about the lack of intimacy and warmth in your relationship. Should you both decide that you need to separate or divorce then you can of course go out and see whom you please. Tell your wife that you have been feeling lonely. See if she has any input on the matter. If you two don't talk then you will never know.

[Wildcat21]

Confused hit it on the head... that's the next step.

I get why/how couples stop communicating. If something's wrong - SAY IT!!

[Jac]

I am going to have a talk with my wife. Not so much about the girl - its maybe a crush after all; maybe she hates me I do not know; but that I can't imagine our family life to go on like for much longer -I feel so damn lonely, on Sundays I drive alone, have a lunch at a restaurant, do some shopping - all alone. Its getting pretty lonely. And can't go like that any more and certainly can't see the rest of my life spent this way.
Yes, I want to date the girl, my secretary. If my position as a boss and me being in a same company makes her feel uncomfortable so we even can't have lunch together - well I am ready to change it. For her, its better to stay with company. I got some proposals on promotion to another company. It will be hard for me to leave my company after 15 years of work, but hey, fresh start, fresh challenge. And since we no longer will in same company and no longer will be tied by office culture we can meet probably. And if my wife understands me, she will give me perhaps freedom from the ties. I am going to miss kids, but we still can meet.

And being free, I can try to date the girl.

Right now, I am looking for some jewellery gifts for her. It was nice to shop around for that.

[Wildcat21]

You need to talk with your wife now. Today - go to your bedroom - both of you lie down and TALK - let it ALL out - AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LISTEN TO HER!! Please listen to her!!

[Jac]

I just wanted to say how things ended. I did not leave the company; I found that my secretary, for better or worse, had a boyfriend of her age, and very soon after I asked the question here she got pregnant and married the guy. I think it was great and their family looks very nice. We divorced as my wife after all got her old boyfriend back (or he got her back), and our marriage was already in shambles by that time. Papers are being filed right now, but the actual divorce happened almost year ago, we just had agreed everything (on paper) and had no disagreements on anything. Kids now live with her and I see them every other week. My secretary after giving birth and looking after her kid for some time is back at work in my office and she is as nice to me as before and so am I. Good girl. Now I am officially alone. I tried dating someone, ended being informed that she has a boyfriend and got a suggestion to become friends. But that's whole another story