[GothicFairy20]

I have been in many relationships, all of which were unsuccessful. The reason being was because I could not overcome my jealous behavior. I am in one now where it is getting really serious and I really love him... a lot. I know that I am a jealous person with insecurities, I am not denying it. In this relationship I am trying very hard to get over it, but it seems to want to rear it's ugly head up at times. I have tried books, cassette tapes, videos, and I have even tried counseling. I just can't get over the fact that I feel certain things, for example: Everything was fine and we were going good for about a month, then I found out some things about his past that scares me. He told me that when he felt trapped in a relationship or when he wasn't attracted to the girl that he was with at the time, he would cheat on them. Then I found out that before we got together he was with the woman that he had cheated on his ex-wife with. He was still talking to her two weeks after we got together. He said he didn't want to tell me because it was no big deal. Then he has this online thing going called 'myspace'. I have deleted pics of other girls almost half naked on there, although he says they are from ages ago. He told me that he has had 2 three-somes in the past while he was married and he has had sex with people he barely knew, and just other things that would make any girl jealous. But, now I get jealous when he talks to other girls that I feel intimidated by, I get jealous when we are watching TV and a pretty girl in skimpy clothes or nothing at all comes on the screen, I get jealous about his past relationships, I get jealous when he talks to other girls on the phone, etc. ALL THE LITTLE STUPID THINGS! I know he loves me, he treats me better than any other man has ever treated me. He thinks I am a goddess and would do anything he could to make me happy. That's why I want this to work, I don't want to feel this way, it's starting to take it's toll on our relationship. It seems like all we do now is argue, sometimes about stupid little things. But when we are not arguing, I couldn't be any happier! He says that there are no more secrets, but how can I believe him? I love him and he loves me, but the question is what if he loses interest in me? Will he cheat on me? Would he tell me if he did? I have asked all these questions, and he says that will never happen, but I am sure that he has said that in the past too. I NEED HELP!!

[MayfairLady]

Sounds like he has been honest with you about the past. No one can predict the future of what might happen. Just make your time together now as good as possible, communicate about things that bother you like him having girls pics etc (this is reasonable) but try to bite your tongue when you feel the jealousy rising.. especially at stuff on TV (this is unreasonalbe).. if you give into it, it only gets worse. No one is perfect and it is normal to feel some jealousy.. it's when it is extreme is the problem.. the main person who suffers here is yourself as you become unhappy with your behaviour then you worry that it will happen again.. then it does and you feel bad about yourself.. it's a vicious circle. You need to make a decision not to react in a jealous way to things on telly (this would be easiest one to deal with) and when you feel jealousy rising - do something else - make a cup of tea - phone a friend - have a bath - brush your teeth - ANYTHING. Take control and it will get easier... once you learn to do it with the easier things you will be able to do it with the more difficult situations.

[nikki_22]

HI! I have a question. You said that this dude was still talking to an old flame 2 weeks. After you guys got together. Are you sure he's not cheating on you? I would be wondering if I were u. Why is he talking to other chicks on the phone? You shouldn't be jealous about girls on TV, but if I were you, I'd be jealous about the other stuff. If you think he really loves you, give him a shot. It could be that he knows you are insecure and is taking advantage of that. Maybe he thinks you will stay with him no matter what. He shouldn't be talking to his exes. Have you ever looked through his phone? I know that's kind of sneaky, but considering he is still talking to other chicks, I probably would do it. If he doesn't have respect for you, leave him. It sounds like you have tried hard not to feel jealous. Maybe that's your subconcious mind telling you something is wrong. I'm not saying to go break up with him, just keep your eyes and ears open. If he is a player, I'm sure the right guy is out there for you. Never stay in a relationship that makes you feel bad. Hope this helps!

[GothicFairy20]

sounds like he has been honest with you about the past. no one can predict the future of what might happen. just make your time together now as good as possible, communicate about things that bother you like him having girls pics etc (this is reasonable) but try to bite your tongue wen you feel the jealousy rising.. especially at stuff on TV (this is unreasonalbe).. if you give into it, it only gets worse. No one is perfect and it is normal to feel some jealousy.. it's wen it is extreme is the problem.. the main person who suffers here is yourself as you become unhappy with your behaviour then you worry that it will happen again.. then it does and you feel bad about yourself.. its a vicious circle. you need to make a decision not to react in a jealous way to things on telly (this would be easiest one to deal with) and wen you feel jealousy rising - do something else - make a cup of tea - phone a friend - have a bath - brush your teeth - ANYTHING. take control and it will get easier... once you learn to do it with the easier things you will be able to do it with the more difficult situations.

Thank You So Much for your advice. I have been trying and I will continue to try harder, I really want to make this work. :)

[GothicFairy20]

HI! I have a question. You said that this dude was still talking to an old flame 2 wks. after u guys got together. Are you sure he's not cheating on you? I would be wondering if I were u. Why is he talking to other chicks on the phone? You shouldn't be jealous about girls on tv, but if I were you, I'd be jealous about the other stuff. If you think he really loves you, give him a shot. It could be that he knows u are insecure and is taking advantage of that. Maybe he thinks u will stay with him no matter what. He shouldn't be talking to his exes. Have you ever looked thru his phone? I know that's kind of sneaky, but considering he is still talking to other chicks, I probably would do it. If he doesn't have respect for you, leave him. It sounds like you have tried hard not to feel jealous. Maybe thats your subconcious mind telling you something is wrong. I'm not saying to go break up with him, just keep your eyes and ears open. If he is a player, I'm sure the right guy is out there for you. Never stay in a relationship that makes you feel bad. Hope this helps!

I know that he is not cheating on me, but he does flirt a lot. When I bring it to his attention, he says that it doesn't mean anything. I am keeping my eyes and ears open, but I don't want to have to spend the whole relationship worrying about what he's doing all the time. I might miss out on the good things. That's why I need help getting over the green-eyed monster. :)

[amymorales]

I have been in many relationships, all of which were unsuccessful. The reason being was because I could not overcome my jealous behavior. I am in one now where it is getting really serious and I really love him...a lot. I know that I am a jealous person with insecurities, I am not denying it. In this relationship I am trying very hard to get over it, but it seems to want to rear it's ugly head up at times. I have tried books, cassette tapes, videos, and I have even tried counseling. I just can't get over the fact that I feel certain things, for example: Everything was fine and we were going good for about a month, then I found out some things about his past that scares me. He told me that when he felt trapped in a relationship or when he wasn't attracted to the girl that he was with at the time, he would cheat on them. Then I found out that before we got together he was with the woman that he had cheated on his ex-wife with. He was still talking to her two weeks after we got together. He said he didn't want to tell me because it was no big deal. Then he has this online thing going called 'myspace'. I have deleted pics of other girls almost half naked on there, although he says they are from ages ago. He told me that he has had 2 three-somes in the past while he was married and he has had sex with people he barely knew, and just other things that would make any girl jealous. But, now I get jealous when he talks to other girls that I feel intimidated by, I get jealous when we are watching TV and a pretty girl in skimpy clothes or nothing at all comes on the screen, I get jealous about his past relationships, I get jealous when he talks to other girls on the phone, etc. ALL THE LITTLE STUPID THINGS! I know he loves me, he treats me better than any other man has ever treated me. He thinks I am a goddess and would do anything he could to make me happy. That's why I want this to work, I don't want to feel this way, it's starting to take it's toll on our relationship. He says that there are no more secrets, but how can I believe him? I love him and he loves me, but the question is what if he loses interest in me? Will he cheat on me? Would he tell me if he did? I have asked all these questions, and he says that will never happen, but I am sure that he has said that in the past too. I NEED HELP!!!

Listen all you have to do is relax that "myspace" thing is bull there just stupid people up there listen to what he says if he says he love you like the way you say he does then he won't cheat on you just head your game up a little and if you feel jealous make yourself a "myspace"... and the part about when he has sex I think you need to check him or soemthing becareful these days anyone can have anything I'm cluless too but what can I say this is a request advise take or leave it take care clueless amy

[GothicFairy20]

listen all u have to do is relax that "myspace" thing is bull there just stupid people up there listen to what he says if he says he love u like the way u say he does then he wont cheat on u just head ur game up a little and if u feel jealous make ur self a "myspace"... and the part about wen he has sex i think u need to check him or soemthing becareful these days anyone can have anything im cluless too but what can i say this is a request advise take or leave it take care clueless amy

Thank You So Much. I really do know in my heart that he loves me, it's just my head that is telling me different. :)

[jeffatl]

READ THE POST I JUST MADE. Jealosy is a relationship killer. You need to be FUN, not jealous.

[Makiavelic76]

Hope this would help you some, I have been on both sides of your coin, and sure I learn something:

Situation: He's watching or talking a pretty girl.
In your mind: No, he's not trying to flirt with her, he's just talking. No, the woman on TV is pretty yes, but it's just a woman on TV like if there would be a nice looking man on TV also.

To process: resonable or not reasonable

If resonable: Talk to him when both are comfortable and tell him what you feel and if he can give you some support.

If not resonable: tell yourself...

1.- You are the most beautiful person and fell atractive for yourself, love yourself.
2.- You have a nice man and great relationship that makes you feel happy.
3.- Trust with both feet unless you have probes of the opposite.
4.- Don't become a probe seeker. Everything pops out to the surface.
5.- You aren't fool because someone plays you behind you back, the real fool is knowing it and not doing something about it.

Wish you the best :)

[GothicFairy20]

My name is Heather and I just recently posted a question about jealousy. I had some very good advice about that and I am still working on that. Now I need advice about the actual relationship. My boyfriend and I are very much in love, I know that. The bad thing is, he flirts... alot. It doesn't play too well with my jealousy issue; I feel like I can't trust him. It has gotten to where these past couple of weeks, we cannot go ONE DAY without arguing about something. Today is my birthday, all I asked of him was that we don't fight today, it is my day. We ended up arguing about something he brought up. I asked him why it couldn't wait and he says that when something gets on his mind, he wants to resolve it right then and there. Now we are not talking, like usual, and this will keep on until one of us apologizes. I just need to know what to do. He has a daughter from the past and I have a son. I love him and I want to make this work, but all of this arguing, I fear, is going to traumatize the kids. I have already tried talking about this with him and he will say things like, "well if that's how you feel, then we don't need to be together" and things like that. What do I do?? Do I stay with him and try to work it out? Pro: I could be very happy and we can have a loving family, which is all I ever really wanted. Con: It doesn't work, we continue this and our children end up growing up in a bad environment, plus we are both unhappy. Or I could break it off, say it wasn't meant to be, blah, blah, blah. Pro: If it really wasn't meant to be, I would hurt for a while, but then I would happier in the end. Con: If it was, I will have made the biggest mistake of my life.

HELP!

[sillysausage]

I have been in many relationships, all of which were unsuccessful. The reason being was because I could not overcome my jealous behavior. I am in one now where it is getting really serious and I really love him...a lot. I know that I am a jealous person with insecurities, I am not denying it. In this relationship I am trying very hard to get over it, but it seems to want to rear it's ugly head up at times. I have tried books, cassette tapes, videos, and I have even tried counseling. I just can't get over the fact that I feel certain things, for example: Everything was fine and we were going good for about a month, then I found out some things about his past that scares me. He told me that when he felt trapped in a relationship or when he wasn't attracted to the girl that he was with at the time, he would cheat on them. Then I found out that before we got together he was with the woman that he had cheated on his ex-wife with. He was still talking to her two weeks after we got together. He said he didn't want to tell me because it was no big deal. Then he has this online thing going called 'myspace'. I have deleted pics of other girls almost half naked on there, although he says they are from ages ago. He told me that he has had 2 three-somes in the past while he was married and he has had sex with people he barely knew, and just other things that would make any girl jealous. But, now I get jealous when he talks to other girls that I feel intimidated by, I get jealous when we are watching TV and a pretty girl in skimpy clothes or nothing at all comes on the screen, I get jealous about his past relationships, I get jealous when he talks to other girls on the phone, etc. ALL THE LITTLE STUPID THINGS! I know he loves me, he treats me better than any other man has ever treated me. He thinks I am a goddess and would do anything he could to make me happy. That's why I want this to work, I don't want to feel this way, it's starting to take it's toll on our relationship. It seems like all we do now is argue, sometimes about stupid little things. But when we are not arguing, I couldn't be any happier! He says that there are no more secrets, but how can I believe him? I love him and he loves me, but the question is what if he loses interest in me? Will he cheat on me? Would he tell me if he did? I have asked all these questions, and he says that will never happen, but I am sure that he has said that in the past too. I NEED HELP!!!

I've been in untrusting relationships all my adult life. I'm not 35 and have 4 kids and to be honest have done relate, CBT and on anti depressants to help quell the anxiety I get when my jealousy kicks in, believe me everyone keeps telling me its myself confidence that I need to work on, an I know that cause I am overweight but attractive. Ive been with my current partner for 12years and I have put him through an awful lot regarding my jealousy all though he hasn't been totally blameless. All I can say is sometimes its best not knowing what goes on in your mens lives before you knew them and get involved cause they think they being all manly telling you all there conquests but really they should learn to keep stum and you need to learn to not think about it cause it destroys yourself being I know. That's where I'm at.

[GothicFairy20]

ive been in untrusting relationships all my adult life. im not 35 and have 4 kids and to be honest have done relate, CBT and on anti depressants to help quell the anxiety i get when my jealousy kicks in, believe me everyone keeps tellin me its my self confidence that i need to work on, an i know that cause i am overweight but attractive. Ive been with my current partner for 12years and i have put him through an awful lot regarding my jealousy all though he hasnt been totally blameless. All i can say is sometimes its best not knowin what goes on in ur mens lives before u knew them and get involved cause they think they being all manly telling u all there conquests but really they should learn to keep stum and u need to learn to not think about it cause it destroys ur self being i know. thats where im at.

I am really sorry to hear that. I hope things work out for you, just like I hope they work out for me. Thank you for the advice! :)

[Socalwhytgirl]

Hey girl its so funny you are writing this I'm actually going through the same thing I have had a lot of trust issues and I'm in a serious relationship and Jealousy is starting to it up and I need to change it also it is very very hard because I have been sooo screwed over in relationships that I think maybe I'm waiting or thinking he is going to do the same but he is the most wonderful man I want him in my life forever but if I keep this up he won't be in it very much longer I don't know what to do and the myspace thing kills me all the time it is sooo effin hard I wish I can change over night I know how your feeling and I hope we both get through this