[MomOf-3-Boyz]

Ok I guess I went into way too much detail so I am totally editing this and we will see if anyone answers me...

I just found out My ex husband does not use pull ups or goodnights on my 2 oldest children 12 and 9. They both obviously wet the bed. I also found out that the children get BACK INTO THE SICK urine infested sheets EVERY NIGHT... and according to both kids... who are not prone to lie or tell tall tails... it has been over a month since their bedding has been changed... now they take showers every day at dads but still... I want to know, would you talk directly to Dad about this... knowing that he will yell at the boys and punish them for "telling on him" or would you just call social services...

I have until Sunday to decide what I am going to do... I can not send them back there knowing this info... God it makes me wonder what else is going on there that the boys don't tell me for fear of dads wrath! The last time they told me dad was sending them to bed with out supper if he was mad at them I called and confronted him and said you feed my children or I will call social services... I really wish I would have... but I thought it was just one time that he got angry and did this... I found out months later this happened all the time. Thank god it has stopped now but the hell he put the boys through the next few days , lots of yelling and blaming... breaks my heart , and I don't know what to do!

[nauticalstar420]

To put it plain and simple for you, it could get them sick! Urine has all sorts of bacteria that can give them rashes and all sorts of things.

That's almost as bad as not changing a baby's diaper.

Confront him about it first. Give him a chance to change what he is doing. If he doesn't, then let social services change what he is doing :)

[J_9]

Actually NS, urine is sterile when it comes out of the body unless of course there is an infection.

Now, once the urine hits the bedsheets, that is a different story. Then it is a breeding ground for bacteria, not to mention the odor. I can't imagine the odor.

This is a can of worms I definitely would open if these were MY children.

[J_9]

nauticalstar420 agrees: You're awesome! I always thought of urine as dirty and disgusting and bacteria filled. You taught me something new today! :)

You see the bladder is a sterile part of your body. What goes into the bladder, such as a foley catheter must be sterile going in so as not to introduce harmful bacteria. Since the bladder is sterile, so is the urine. It is different with the colon and feces though. That is inundated with E-coli (natural to our bodies) and other forms of bacteria.

[nauticalstar420]

You see the bladder is a sterile part of your body. What goes into the bladder, such as a foley catheter must be sterile going in so as not to introduce harmful bacteria. Since the bladder is sterile, so is the urine. It is different with the colon and feces though. That is inundated with E-coli (natural to our bodies) and other forms of bacteria.

You know your stuff! But it couldn't be healthy to just let urine marinate into the kids bedsheets. And like you said, the stench must be terrible! Bad for health, and bad for hygiene!

[danielnoahsmommy]

Why at that age can they not hold it threw the night. I would get that checked. I understand that some develop control a little later due to a small bladder, it's a little uncommon for both to have such a problem. And yes free flowing urine is sterile but once in contact with bed linen it is a breading ground for the nasties

[nauticalstar420]

Boys cannot hold their bladder as well as girls can. It is not uncommon for boys to wet the bed until they are 15 or 16. I have seen grown males that have an accident from time to time. :)

[shygrneyzs]

Why wait until Sunday night to make a decision? The decision would be made already. The children would not come over until changes were made. First thing, to get them both checked by their doctor to make sure there is nothing physically wrong with either one. Second, there are bedwetting alrams that can be bought, that attach to the bedsheet. Third, there is simple behavior changes that can be made. Such as nothing to drink after 7 p.m. and to make sure they go to the bathroom before bed. Fourth, maybe this should be second, your boys and your ex need some family therapy. Your ex sounds out of control with his own rage and your sons are bearing the brunt of it. A good reason to wet the bed.

Good luck.

[Fr_Chuck]

I guess I have to ask about another real issue why are 12 and 9 year olds still bedwetting ? This is not normal within itself and a sure sign of a more serious underlining issue. If you are using pull ups on them every night, we need to find out what is going on there.

[J_9]

I don't know where my post went. But this is called Enuresis and it is not as uncommon as some would think.

[danielnoahsmommy]

I'm sorry, but my son is a very small four drinks 8-16 ounces milk before bed and wakes up dry every night, it is uncommon for boys that age. Let the boys take some responsibility for themselves at that age they can do their own laundry and make the bed. At four with a little assistance my son can do the laundry. They should have no excuse.

[J_9]

Bedwetting is an issue that millions of families face every night. It is extremely common among kids who are under the age of 6, and it can last into the preteen years.

Doctors don't know for sure what causes bedwetting or why it stops. But it is considered a natural part of development, and kids eventually grow out of it. Most of the time bedwetting is not a sign of any deeper medical or emotional issues.

All the same, bedwetting can be very stressful for families. Kids can feel embarrassed and guilty about wetting the bed and anxious about spending the night at a friend's house or at camp. Parents often feel helpless to stop it.

There may not be any way for you to cure your child's bedwetting, but the emotional support and reassurance you provide can help your child feel better until the bedwetting goes away on its own.

How Common Is Bedwetting?

Primary enuresis, the medical name for bedwetting, typically starts when kids are toddlers. It is very common among kids who are 6 years old or younger. About 15% of 6-year-olds wet the bed. And about 5% of 10-year-olds wet the bed.

Bedwetting often runs in families: Most kids who wet the bed have a relative that did it, too. If both parents wet the bed when they were young, it's very likely that their child will as well.

Coping With Bedwetting

Bedwetting usually goes away on its own. But until it does, it can be embarrassing and uncomfortable for your child. So it's important that you provide support and positive reinforcement during this process.

It's a good idea to reassure your child that bedwetting is a normal part of growing up and that it's not going to last forever. It may comfort your child to hear about other family members who also struggled with it when they were young.

You may want to remind your child to go to the bathroom one final time before bedtime. Some parents try waking their kids in the middle of the night, but most of the time, that doesn't end the bedwetting.

When your child wakes with wet sheets, have your child help you change the sheets. Explain that this isn't punishment, but it is a part of the process. It may even help your child feel better knowing that he or she helped out.

When to Talk With Your Child's Doctor

In rare cases, when bedwetting begins abruptly and is accompanied by other symptoms, it can be a sign of another medical condition, and you may want to talk with your child's doctor.

The doctor may check for signs of a urinary tract infection, constipation, bladder problems, diabetes, or severe stress.

It's a good idea to call your doctor if your child suddenly starts wetting the bed after being consistently dry for at least 6 months. You may also want to call the doctor if your child begins to wet his or her pants during the day, starts misbehaving at school or at home, or if your child complains of a burning sensation when he or she goes to the bathroom.

In the meantime, your support and patience can go a long way in helping your child feel better about the bedwetting. Remember that the long-term outlook is excellent, and in almost all cases, dry days are just ahead.

SOURCE

[MomOf-3-Boyz]

Well to answer a few questions... its inherited most of the time, I wet the bed until I was 12 and their father until he was 13. I have had the children both to the dr more times then I can count and everyone of them say the same thing they have a small bladder and they have something wrong with their brain that instead of slowing down the production of urine while sleeping they increase it... I have tried different medications for this but none of them have worked and one made it worse. They are also ADD ( 12 yr old) and ADHA ( 9 yr old) I am also ADD and research shows that this is a factor in bed wetting in some cases. They are in counseling (which is court ordered that Dad is to have them in and pay for but doesn't... I do) They do this EMDR ( kind of like hypnosis but its not) It has helped with several other issues they have but I do not see any change with the bed wetting.
Ok I have to say a lot of the questions and or suggestions were answered in my first post but I was getting no replies so I made it shorter and sweeter...
We have done the alarms... they woke the entire family but not the bed wetter! I wake them several times a night before I finally go to bed and have been peed on more times then I would like to count... 9 year old is completely asleep when I take him and he will keep trying to leave the bathroom because he is confused and my toilet is right next to the door which is where I stand and when he's peeing and turns to leave guess who gets soaked ?
Ok I hope I answered all the questions... Now what am I doing about the sheet issue? My husband and I are meeting with the boys dad and their step mom and we are going to set out some very strict rules about this , if they will not allow the boys to wear pullups because they are expensive... which they are... The boys or them will wash those sheets every single time there is a bed wetting incident. They will not be allowed any liquid 2 hours before bed... this is what we do at our house because of Dr suggestion. The children will be allowed to get up and go to the bathroom as many times as they need before they fall asleep , just found out tonight once they go to bed they are not allowed up again. And that the boys be woken 3 times a night to eliminate urine and if they have already wet the sheets will be changed right then and there! What I am hoping is that if both families do this together it might actually make a difference ! See one of our other big problems is we have 50/50 placement so I have them half the week and he has them the other half , so if we have some head way with it... they go to dads and by weds we are back to square one!
If they choose not to do what we ( the boys included here) are asking then I will be calling social services.
Oh and as for him and his anger issues, well counseling is a bunch of crap that doesen't do anything for any body... his words not mine
Thank you all for your advice. I just keep thinking I would not let my dog sleep in a bed of urine how can he allow our children to do this ? I will keep you updated as soon as I know more :) Thanks again everyone!

[MomOf-3-Boyz]

Oh just posted and there was another post so here goes LOL
All 3 of my children do their own laundry my youngest is 6 and he does not wet the bed and has never wet the bed since he became fully potty trained at 18 months... and yes I know this because I have the 2 older boys that wet! I am still to this day shocked by how much he can drink before bed and yet no accidents... but he also will wake up and go potty if need be! As for them doing their own laundry They do it at dads also but they have to do their clothes first and their sisters clothes. And my oldest says that most of the time their step mom is doing laundry and she says they have to wait until she is done... This is why I am insisting that we all sit down and discuss this because its ALL INSAINE if you ask me... I can't believe they wouldn't be all over it , get those wet blankets and sheets in the washer now... The smell alone would drive me crazy ! But hey they smoke in the house so maybe they don't even smell it... but my boys do and they are embarrassed about it !
Thanks again everyone ,
Ange

[nauticalstar420]

I don't blame them for being embarrassed! I feel so bad for them! Is their father trying to prove a point? Like if you have to sleep in your own pee maybe you won't wet the bed anymore? Or is he just lazy?

[MomOf-3-Boyz]

Well I honestly don't know... I am not sure if he thinks this will cure them or what... I wish I knew , I want to believe he and his wife are not doing this as a punishment to "teach em" Maybe its advice they have gotten from a family member, I just don't know! I have to say I feel like the worst mother in the world because I didn't know any of this was going on. I love my children so much and I would do anything for them and to find out they are being treated this way... God I can't explaine it , I just start to cry and like I said before I am now wondering what else is going on there that I am not being told about because they are afraid of dad... I just hate it all !
Thanks again for your words of support :)
Ange

[MomOf-3-Boyz]

J-9 I wanted to say a very big thank you , Most people when they hear my older kids wet the bed they assume I am lazy or just don't care... which I can't stand. I really appreciate the time you took to explaine some of it to others :)

[danielnoahsmommy]

I did not think you were lazy. My mistake was to think your children were. Still the question was unanswered, can you supply the children with pull ups. Since that still m ight be the best alternative. I don't get why he would not let them were it if you suplied it. Best of luck. You sound like a wonderful caring mom.

[s_cianci]

Occasional bedwetting at ages 9 and 12 is not uncommon, but it shouldn't be occurring on a regular basis at those ages. If it is, then there is some underlying physical or emotional issue that needs to be addressed. Regardless, for Dad to not change their bedding when it happens is a form of neglect. Whether it's fuel for Social Services' fire is another issue. Sending them to bed without dinner is another issue, however, and Social Services would have a field day with that one. Perhaps the best way to rattle the cage would be to bring that up first, then interject the part about the dirty, urine-stained bedding.

[J_9]

J-9 I wanted to say a very big thank you , Most people when they hear my older kids wet the bed they assume I am lazy or just dont care ... which I can't stand. I really appreciate the time you took to explaine some of it to others :)

I am sorry that I did not address your original question. I posted that info there so that others will understand that this is a medical problem that is not as uncommon as many think. Many people also believe that this is also an emotional or psychological problem, which is NOT the case with enuresis.

As you posted, both you and your ex suffered from enuresis. This is a double whammy when it comes to your children. As you know they WILL grow out of it.

Please do not let anyone tell you that it is because they are lazy, heavy sleepers, emotional or psychological problems. You yourself knows that none of these are the case with your children.

I hope all goes well with you talking to your ex this weekend. Keep us posted on how it goes.